The disappointment never ends with my family.

It sounds like you are sitting on a time bomb that will explode soon if you don't get help.

How do you ever find time to go to the doctor?

How do you find time to take your special needs child to the doctor?

Do you have any medical leave or family leave days where you work?

Has your mom seen her doctor lately? Who takes her to the doctor?

BTW, I can tell that you are very upset. I would make it much easier to read if you would press enter a few times to make new paragraphs. Just a suggestion.

I'm sorry, I am upset and not much at letter writing but I will take your suggestion on paragraphs, I went back to read my letter and you are right LOL.

Well for the last 3 years its been tough. I have to go to the doctor, I have vitamin deficiency's and a few months ago developed hypertension. I am very fortunate in so many ways. My boss knows what is going on and will allow me to sign out to do all of the above. Mom's caregiver just started she is a doll. Fortunately I have my husband, hahahaha I have never been married but at the age of 53 finally tied the knot, actually tomorrow will be our one year anniversary, we hold very tight to each other, he is a very kind and caring man. I always take mom to the doctor. I have recently started missing my appointments. My husband schedules his son's while he is at home. He is my step son. His mother is NO help from what I have been told by many is that since he was born she has really taken no responsibility.

The son lives with us but since he is a special needs man the court ordered my husband at the divorce to pay child support until he dies, the mother dies or the boy dies, I doubt that they knew that he did not live with the mom. Now he receives his S.S. and well that is hers also. I'm so amazed at peoples greed.

When we left for vacation I was in terrible shape, I had just been diagnosed with high blood pressure it was reaching 203/198 and even though my niece is a nurse it did not stop her from days of yelling and calling me all kinds of names over this car. I have vitamin issues so I have to take B12 shots every week just to keep going and 50,000 ius of Vitamin D. All my friends were worried I had lumps popping up all over my face, they were worried I had skin cancer. I told them I would go to the doctor after vacation if it did not get better. Well after rest they went away. So nice to here my sister say "Oh thank god its only stress" REALLY!!!!!

The doc was trying to get a handle on my BP and my niece in the middle of yelling at me said "Well take your medication" Never an offer to help for a while.

I was raised by my parents to just be brave and do what you have to do so I guess I have been running on that for the last few years but lately I feel myself becoming more and more anxious, maybe is the word, emotional, just over all I feel like I'm falling and I don't know what to do anymore.

I think the biggest problem that I have is the way my sister and niece seem to have NO compassion. My husband and I try our best to do everything to take care of his son and my Mom. My sister constantly tells me off, she thinks mom's money is hers and gets upset if I even take her on vacation because of the money.

This caregiver cost approx. 100.00 a month more than the last one and she had the nerve to tell me that since she helped around the house in the day that I needed to pay the 100.00. Again I'm sorry for rambling.

The way I calculate it, I looked the car up, the year and mileage say its worth about 12,000.00 so how can I not view it as to her my mom and myself are worth under 6,000.00 a piece. She would fight over something like that??? We were not raised that way!!!! and my sister will do the same.

I do feel hopeless and I also at the same time get mad at myself, I feel like I need to just suck it up and keep going, its just getting harder and harder. Thank you for listening, I don't know what I would do without this group.

Aveeno, it sounds as though there's a lot of family dysfunction that precedes this post, but I don't think that really matters right now.

What matters is that your body is telling you to STOP and you're not listening.

When our parents tell us as children and young adults to "get on with things", they are talking to healthy young people. Your parents would never tell a person with your serious health issues to ignore them.

You need to take some time to go to a medical doctor, of course. But you also, absolutely HAVE to get yourself to a mental health professional to get help with dealing with the stress of caregiving, with your sister's craziness and your sense of futility and hopelessness. This is a long road you have ahead of you. Prepare for this rough sail by putting on your own life preserver.

By the way, child support orders can be modified upon appeal when circumstances change, at least in some jurisdictions.

"I don't understand why I'm letting this bother me so bad, I wish I could just walk away." That was my question, too. Why are you letting this bother you so extremely? Your sister and niece do not live up to your expectations about how family should behave. I can understand that that is disappointing. Change your expectations. You know them. To continually expect them to behave differently is to continually set yourself up for disappointment. Why put yourself through that? Why do you give your sister's opinion so much room in your mind.

"I have thought about seeing someone professionally." And then I thought about how devastated I would be if I had a sour relationship with any of my 3 sisters. We had the usual annoyances growing up, but there was never any underlying "Mom loves you best" kind of jealousy or any doubt we loved each other. So I guess I take our cordial relationship now for granted. But what if one of them turned on me? What if one of them had no compassion for our mother? Aveeno, I think I would need professional help to deal with that. It is easy to say, "Don't let it bother you. Walk away." But it would not be easy for me to do that! And I can empathize with hard hard it is for you. But you are absolutely right that you deserve some professional support. I hope you will arrange to get it!

My husband can be amazingly supportive, but that is rare. Still, I listened when he said to leave a subject alone, don't go there in my head, that I am working myself up.

Aveeno, in addition to the car topic and how poorly you have been treated by sister; is there anything else you can let go for one day's peace of mind?
Perhaps cling to your husband, do something nice for yourself? Distract yourself?

Don't be afraid, you won't forget the issues, just set them aside for a day, you can always choose to go pick them back up.

We can substitute for your sister, until things change. Wishing you well, much peace, rest, and like a lot of us on here, wishing you to get some chocolate (if it's allowed for you to have). Maybe I should have gone back and read your health concerns before recommending chocolate. Did you know that oranges are a great food to treat moods? Be at peace.

Jeanne, that is excellent advice, to change one's expectations. As we learn what that means, and the high standards we not only hold ourselves to, but hold others to an expectation they could never live up to, we find we are not as upset after a time of CHANGING OUR EXPECTATIONS.

I am taking you're advice today. I have been working on letting go but for some reason I will do good for a while and then about every few months I blow and become very depressed

Today I woke and watched Joel Osteen, I don't know if you have ever watched him but it always seems like when I tune in the message is what is upsetting me.

Today is my 1 year anniversary and after reading your response and doing a lot of thinking I started thinking about all the blessings that I have. A wonderful husband, a wonderful new family and friends that support me, I can actually hold my mom and talk to her, even though she is ill she is still here.

Thank you for being there through the rough moments, I know there will be more but it helps to have you guys to talk to and maybe just make me think a little, I also know my Mom means so much to me and in the end I will have no regrets and a lot of wonderful memorys. I just have to learn like you have said, I can't teach someone to have compassion, i can't change the way a person is but I can do the best that I can do to help and make my Mom feel loved.

Ladies, today is another day and I will do the best that I can. Love you all for being there for me. Hope to do the same for you!!!

Okay, sis, now you are doing well! A one year anniversary? That is something to really celebrate. Hoping that you and your husband acknowlege each other in a special way. It is a wedding anniversary? Congratulations!
Yes, I have watched Joel, and most other mega-churches services and bible studies.

Some people may discount the importance of sibling relationships. I knew someone who claimed that after 15 + years of separation from a sister, they made up, became closer, and this woman said her emotional problems were cured. Give it time, much time!

It's great that you recognize that things are not going that well for you and that you need to change. That's a start. The fact that you have so much invested in small issues like used cars, slights by sister, etc., that are disturbing your happiness is concerning. When toxic people continue to create chaos in your life, then I would think it's time to seek help with getting skills to help.

I would think that your physical and mental health is more of a priority that anything else right now. I wouldn't even be in a conversation with someone who causes me to have high blood pressure. If the discord cannot be fixed and the dysfunction runs deep, then sometimes cords must be cut. Wasting time on people who bring you misery isn't very productive. Counseling might help you move on and find some peace.

Your profile says your mom has dementia, but your post says she doesn't and that she's improving. I would figure out if she does have it. If she doesn't, I might get Durable POA and healthcare POA signed now so you aren't going to be in a power struggle with other family members down the road.

I wish you all the best.

I only have the 1 sister and we have shared POA, I now realize that is not good but it is what it is.
Mom was diagnosed a few years ago with alzheimers but I believe she has been diagnosed wrong and will take her back to the doctor to see what they say.

All my cousins were shocked and tell me she is so much better than last year so I don't understand.

Sendme2help, thank you, yes our one year wedding anniversary today, I actually did wait for the right man, first marrage at 53 LOL, but I picked good. He is a pilot so that is why he is gone so much, unfortuanatly he is gone for a few weeks so we had to celebrate over the phone.

Sorry if there are typing errors, my computer broke and i'm using my phone. Funny how you can pull out of something with just a few words from kind people. I even entered my pup in the cutest pet contest today, he is a sure winner LOL!!!

I would never have seeked counceling in the past and actually would have been upset if someone would have suggested it in the past but now realize its a good idea. Love you all and hope to talk soon, I find this web site very therupidic.

It would be good to get an up-to-date evaluation of your mother's condition.

In general, someone with dementia does not get better over time. On the other hand, of the 10 years my husband lived with dementia the first year, especially the first 6 months, were the worst, with all kinds of symptoms that improved over time. His specialist speculates that as the protein bodies started building in his brain the brain cells tried to fight them off and many of the symptoms were from inflation in the brain, not the dementia directly. So as the medications for his symptoms started to work and the inflammation went down, and I knew what he had and started to treat him differently, all those factors contributed to him seeming better. (An autopsy confirmed that he had a very severe case of dementia.)

So the fact that Mother seems better now that she did a year ago does not absolutely rule out the possibility of dementia. But it would be helpful to have a more thorough examination.

I agree and have decided to have her tested again, they also told me this could have been brought on due to depression.

This does not run in our family that I know of. It all took place after the loss of my father, grandpa, and grandma. It was way to much for her so she shut down. I kept saying NO she does not have that, everyone just thought that i was in denial but now I have a lot of people that say I'm right, something is wrong but I don't think its Alzheimer's.

It seems the more she laughs the better she gets.