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By proceeding, I agree that I understand the following disclosures:
I. How We Work in Washington. Based on your preferences, we provide you with information about one or more of our contracted senior living providers ("Participating Communities") and provide your Senior Living Care Information to Participating Communities. The Participating Communities may contact you directly regarding their services. APFM does not endorse or recommend any provider. It is your sole responsibility to select the appropriate care for yourself or your loved one. We work with both you and the Participating Communities in your search. We do not permit our Advisors to have an ownership interest in Participating Communities.
II. How We Are Paid. We do not charge you any fee – we are paid by the Participating Communities. Some Participating Communities pay us a percentage of the first month's standard rate for the rent and care services you select. We invoice these fees after the senior moves in.
III. When We Tour. APFM tours certain Participating Communities in Washington (typically more in metropolitan areas than in rural areas.) During the 12 month period prior to December 31, 2017, we toured 86.2% of Participating Communities with capacity for 20 or more residents.
IV. No Obligation or Commitment. You have no obligation to use or to continue to use our services. Because you pay no fee to us, you will never need to ask for a refund.
V. Complaints. Please contact our Family Feedback Line at (866) 584-7340 or ConsumerFeedback@aplaceformom.com to report any complaint. Consumers have many avenues to address a dispute with any referral service company, including the right to file a complaint with the Attorney General's office at: Consumer Protection Division, 800 5th Avenue, Ste. 2000, Seattle, 98104 or 800-551-4636.
VI. No Waiver of Your Rights. APFM does not (and may not) require or even ask consumers seeking senior housing or care services in Washington State to sign waivers of liability for losses of personal property or injury or to sign waivers of any rights established under law.I agree that: A.I authorize A Place For Mom ("APFM") to collect certain personal and contact detail information, as well as relevant health care information about me or from me about the senior family member or relative I am assisting ("Senior Living Care Information"). B.APFM may provide information to me electronically. My electronic signature on agreements and documents has the same effect as if I signed them in ink. C.APFM may send all communications to me electronically via e-mail or by access to an APFM web site. D.If I want a paper copy, I can print a copy of the Disclosures or download the Disclosures for my records. E.This E-Sign Acknowledgement and Authorization applies to these Disclosures and all future Disclosures related to APFM's services, unless I revoke my authorization. You may revoke this authorization in writing at any time (except where we have already disclosed information before receiving your revocation.) This authorization will expire after one year. F.You consent to APFM's reaching out to you using a phone system than can auto-dial numbers (we miss rotary phones, too!), but this consent is not required to use our service.
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Thank you everyone for listening and your helpful advice. The behaviour of my father and family and their incessant abuses are positively abhorrent. I'm off to pastures new, near Margate, UK. Tally-ho, Lisa
I told my brother that I "might be away" after the new year. I didn't want to be direct in order to not cause a potential scene but my brother saw right through it. He gave me this condescending laugh and said "We'll provide 24 hour care for Dad." As if I'm hurting him by leaving and that's his way of saying that he's not hurt and in control. I discovered that him, his wife and my nephews all were anticipating that I might very well leave. They don't want me to leave because they want to travel for months at a time. So right after I told my brother I guess they had a family meeting and everyone was then treating me so nice but occasionally the insincerity slipped out intentionally to let me know what they think of me.
Then about a week later my father had to be hospitalized for a few days. His condition has worsened and my brother is making plans for assisted living. I have no input into the selection of a place, even though it's my father's insurance that's paying. I can do the laundry. vacuum the house, but no way can I make any decisions for the care of my father. If I speak up I'm bullied and told that my father gave my brother the power of attorney and my brother is in total control.
I was planning on moving to the UK for 6 months (US citizens can stay that long on an automatic tourist visa). I had a place all set to rent (rents about the same as the US) then I discovered that the violent crime, random violent crime, there seems far worse then the US. I was reading the local newspapers and there are so many terrible stories like every day, in small towns, too. The polite, safe England of the past seems not to exist today! So I have put this off for the time being and am taking it day by day until my father is situated or I snap and find my self on a plane to anywhere!
The whole world is now a more violent place PERIOD, thanks to the police being treated like crap and politicians wreaking havoc on OUR rights in favor of THEIR agenda. When you leave for greener pastures and decide not to put fear at the forefront of your decisions, good luck to you.
"I was planning on moving to the UK for 6 months (US citizens can stay that long on an automatic tourist visa). I had a place all set to rent "
And now you are right back where you were.
Do you work? What is your job? How much time do you spend at your father's? Does he ask you to come over and be the maid, does your brother, or do you just decide that is your role?
So, Lisa, what is Plan B? Is there a more peaceful place in Kent that you might rent in?
Consider doing a bit more research, perhaps staying in a hotel for a week while you scout out someplace longer term to live.
I was recently on a long European jaunt. When I told people I lived in NYC, they were shocked. According to news reports, those of us who live here must all be cowering in terror. Except, no.
Update: My father is is going into assisted within the next month. This is definitely needed at this time. It appears my brother is relieved, for a number of reasons.
I will be here until my father gets settled and see how it goes. I believe now things will calm down considerably. Then I will make plans to go where I want and come back to visit my family over holidays and anytime I want to visit
Thank you to everyone who replied to my questions. It really helped. I will post again in six months and let you know where I'm at.
" My father is is going into assisted within the next month.... I will be here until my father gets settled and see how it goes."
Didn't your father say no to AL in the past? Has he now actually agreed to it? What happens if Daddy refuses to go when it's moving day. Will your brother force him?
I hope your father doesn't demand your constant attention while "settled."
LT, when my mom first went to AL, it was actually MORE work the first few weeks until we realized our error and moved mom to an Independent Living facility.
One in IL, mom started in calling with "problems" every day.
We told her firmly "you have staff now, mom. Call them."
She said she couldn't possibly do that, she didn't want to be a bother.
My SIL told her "Mom, for what you're paying, you'd BETTER bother them!"
I so hope Lisa this all goes smoothly. I too hope this settles everything down and you and brother can have a better relationship. The care of a parent/s is so hard when all of the children are not on the same page. And when a parent is stubborn.
Please for your sake, get away, do not live too close by. Try to forgive and forget. Let go of any anger. Allow brother to handle it all. You have done what you could. So wish u goid luck and do keep us updated. I pray that 2023 is a very good year for you.
By proceeding, I agree that I understand the following disclosures:
I. How We Work in Washington.
Based on your preferences, we provide you with information about one or more of our contracted senior living providers ("Participating Communities") and provide your Senior Living Care Information to Participating Communities. The Participating Communities may contact you directly regarding their services.
APFM does not endorse or recommend any provider. It is your sole responsibility to select the appropriate care for yourself or your loved one. We work with both you and the Participating Communities in your search. We do not permit our Advisors to have an ownership interest in Participating Communities.
II. How We Are Paid.
We do not charge you any fee – we are paid by the Participating Communities. Some Participating Communities pay us a percentage of the first month's standard rate for the rent and care services you select. We invoice these fees after the senior moves in.
III. When We Tour.
APFM tours certain Participating Communities in Washington (typically more in metropolitan areas than in rural areas.) During the 12 month period prior to December 31, 2017, we toured 86.2% of Participating Communities with capacity for 20 or more residents.
IV. No Obligation or Commitment.
You have no obligation to use or to continue to use our services. Because you pay no fee to us, you will never need to ask for a refund.
V. Complaints.
Please contact our Family Feedback Line at (866) 584-7340 or ConsumerFeedback@aplaceformom.com to report any complaint. Consumers have many avenues to address a dispute with any referral service company, including the right to file a complaint with the Attorney General's office at: Consumer Protection Division, 800 5th Avenue, Ste. 2000, Seattle, 98104 or 800-551-4636.
VI. No Waiver of Your Rights.
APFM does not (and may not) require or even ask consumers seeking senior housing or care services in Washington State to sign waivers of liability for losses of personal property or injury or to sign waivers of any rights established under law.
I agree that:
A.
I authorize A Place For Mom ("APFM") to collect certain personal and contact detail information, as well as relevant health care information about me or from me about the senior family member or relative I am assisting ("Senior Living Care Information").
B.
APFM may provide information to me electronically. My electronic signature on agreements and documents has the same effect as if I signed them in ink.
C.
APFM may send all communications to me electronically via e-mail or by access to an APFM web site.
D.
If I want a paper copy, I can print a copy of the Disclosures or download the Disclosures for my records.
E.
This E-Sign Acknowledgement and Authorization applies to these Disclosures and all future Disclosures related to APFM's services, unless I revoke my authorization. You may revoke this authorization in writing at any time (except where we have already disclosed information before receiving your revocation.) This authorization will expire after one year.
F.
You consent to APFM's reaching out to you using a phone system than can auto-dial numbers (we miss rotary phones, too!), but this consent is not required to use our service.
I told my brother that I "might be away" after the new year. I didn't want to be direct in order to not cause a potential scene but my brother saw right through it. He gave me this condescending laugh and said "We'll provide 24 hour care for Dad." As if I'm hurting him by leaving and that's his way of saying that he's not hurt and in control. I discovered that him, his wife and my nephews all were anticipating that I might very well leave. They don't want me to leave because they want to travel for months at a time. So right after I told my brother I guess they had a family meeting and everyone was then treating me so nice but occasionally the insincerity slipped out intentionally to let me know what they think of me.
Then about a week later my father had to be hospitalized for a few days. His condition has worsened and my brother is making plans for assisted living. I have no input into the selection of a place, even though it's my father's insurance that's paying. I can do the laundry. vacuum the house, but no way can I make any decisions for the care of my father. If I speak up I'm bullied and told that my father gave my brother the power of attorney and my brother is in total control.
I was planning on moving to the UK for 6 months (US citizens can stay that long on an automatic tourist visa). I had a place all set to rent (rents about the same as the US) then I discovered that the violent crime, random violent crime, there seems far worse then the US. I was reading the local newspapers and there are so many terrible stories like every day, in small towns, too. The polite, safe England of the past seems not to exist today! So I have put this off for the time being and am taking it day by day until my father is situated or I snap and find my self on a plane to anywhere!
And now you are right back where you were.
Do you work? What is your job? How much time do you spend at your father's? Does he ask you to come over and be the maid, does your brother, or do you just decide that is your role?
Consider doing a bit more research, perhaps staying in a hotel for a week while you scout out someplace longer term to live.
I was recently on a long European jaunt. When I told people I lived in NYC, they were shocked. According to news reports, those of us who live here must all be cowering in terror. Except, no.
I will be here until my father gets settled and see how it goes. I believe now things will calm down considerably. Then I will make plans to go where I want and come back to visit my family over holidays and anytime I want to visit
Thank you to everyone who replied to my questions. It really helped. I will post again in six months and let you know where I'm at.
I will be here until my father gets settled and see how it goes."
Didn't your father say no to AL in the past? Has he now actually agreed to it? What happens if Daddy refuses to go when it's moving day. Will your brother force him?
I hope your father doesn't demand your constant attention while "settled."
One in IL, mom started in calling with "problems" every day.
We told her firmly "you have staff now, mom. Call them."
She said she couldn't possibly do that, she didn't want to be a bother.
My SIL told her "Mom, for what you're paying, you'd BETTER bother them!"
Please for your sake, get away, do not live too close by. Try to forgive and forget. Let go of any anger. Allow brother to handle it all. You have done what you could. So wish u goid luck and do keep us updated. I pray that 2023 is a very good year for you.