One of the biggest scams I have encountered is within the elder care community. Most assisted lving communities charge a non- refundable entrance fee anywhere from a few thousand dollars to over $8K. After I paid the entrance fee, I was told they could not take care of dad, refused to bath him or provide basic personal hygiene. Dad is unable to stand unassisted, which was disclosed in writing up front. I was told I could either pay for a private setter or leave that they refused to lift him. I left with the large deposit still unrefunded. This has happend multiple times and even with calling APS, the ombudsmen and the Health Department, I am finding there is nothing I can do to recover the deposit. All of my complaints have been found to be "unsubstantiated", which I have found is 99.9% of the time. They ask Dad if he was showered, and he doesn't remember. The records have all been falsely documented. I started writing in his chart "No" when I saw that the CG had recorded bathing and brushing his teeth, when i was there and found him unbathed, and teeth nasty from multiple days of not brushing. I have been accused of being "abusive" so many times, that I have learned this is the facilities way of throwing up a smokescreen to take the focus off of them. I was told the only way to retrieve my money was if the facility had multiple complaints for the same offensive, and to show a pattern. Well, who do you complain to? Are there any honest facilities out there that truly care about elders or have we reached the stage that this is just another get rich quick way to scam our parents? This is the most unregulated, dishonest industries I have ever encountered. Where does one go to get support and who advocates for the residents?
I have never experienced the emotional pain that both of you have so I should not advise you on any particular path to take. What I can share from my own experience is that a caregiver cannot be the weakest link in the care chain. If you break--whose gonna fix you? So take care of your own needs first. That includes financial, emotional, and physical. The Book says we should love others as we love ourselves. If we can't love ourselves, how can we love others?
I really hope you are able to figure it out soon.
Best,
Jackie
Nursing homes, on the other hand, should provide all of the things you mentioned. If they are not doing this, they are remiss. They are more closely regulated, and if the administration doesn’t respond to complaints, then your state ombudsman should be called in. This person can be found on your state Web site under aging services.
The care my elders got in a local nursing home was very good however we have above average (not perfect) homes in my area. Also, I lived two blocks away and could visit nearly every day. That never hurts. They are nearly all understaffed, and when there is lots of contact between family and staff, I believe the care will go up a notch. It's human behavior.
This is a very sad tale, indeed. I hope a better home can be found. It sounds like a nursing home is needed rather than assisted living.
Carol
I'm not sure where you are that the fees are so high, in South Carolina 2 to 5 thousand a month is the range in general, but some places ask deposits of up to 50k, partially refundable within 3-5 years.
You may want to consider hiring an in home caretaker, veterans benefits and medicare may assist with that, and sometimes you can find a male orderly-care assistant to help with lifting and movement. I have also had success with a hospital bed in-home that can aid your father getting into a wheel chair, etc.
Finally, keeping your loved one near you does bring pressure upon the care facility to do the best they can because you will check, and take pictures to document! I also chose a small facility with memory care with a high staff/patient ratio 1:4.
I have engaged both APS and the state ombudsman. I paid additional fees for everything, with an additional cost of $65.00 per bath, 4 times per week, which were never given. I visit about every other day,which is how I know teeth aren't brushed, baths are not given, and the posted menu is not followed. I check Dad's book and see that they have marked that they performed personal grooming, when I am there and it has not been done. I also chart every visit, with times, care givers, and issues. I have documentation since the day I first returned to CA to see Dad. Skilled nursing homes are not trained in Dementia care. The nurse read Dad's court orders to him informing him that his daughter had him deemed incompetent. I was placed on 48 hour watch after she told Dad and he stated he did not want to see me again. (It's all documented) The administrator at the skilled nursing facility also told me there was no difference in a POA and a legal court ordered guardianship, and that Dad could decided if he wanted to take his medication, and if he wanted a shower. It was the DON at the skilled nursing facility that told me care plans were for state purposes and that they did not follow them. This was at a cost of over $8,000 per year. After one year, I took him out and the care and the staff became more devious, less caring, and I continue to "pay" an additional fee for teeth brushing, shaving, showering, (I wash his clothes) and continue to perform personal care duties on my visits. I have spent over $650,000.00 in four and one half years. One would think that would cover the basics. I pick up nursing notes every week, and again when Dad has been discharged. The reports have been changed. Documents are actually changed, and notes added, without stating they were added at a later time. This is a problem which needs public awareness. I have been a toy at the hands of unscrupulous care givers and staff administrators. They have been deceiving the public a lot longer than I have been trying to find adequate care. This should not happen to anyone who is trying to get their parents needs met. I have mortgaged my personal home to ge the funds to pay for Dad's care after being told he could not qualify for long term care, which was untrue. Placing my money in Dad's account only stopped him from getting the money to pay for care. I am left over $200,000 in debt due to the fraud, the games and the deceit. APS told me they have been getting away with this behavior a lot longer than I have been trying to get good care, and the facilities know all the tricks. Facilities, attorneys, and care givers need to be held accountable for their actions. After almost five years, I've learned the games they play. The cost is high and the end result is loss of person, loss of stability and loss of trus, and it is an ugly game. I was told by the ombudsman, that I simply know too much. When these facilities hire untrained workers from college campuses, and from road signs, place them in a charge of a situation with vulnerable seniors after only 6 hours of on the job training, the public should be outraged. This will be us tomorrow and our children whos assets will be squandered, if we do not stand up against this travisty today.
I'm glad you are so strong because elder care needs people like you. In my area, the nursing homes (most) have Alzheimer's units and all the staff members are trained in Alzheimer's care. It makes a huge difference where you live. A friend of mine is active in the Pioneer Network, and we were discussing this by phone the other day. We live in very different parts of the country and our nursing home and even assisted living experiences are totally different.
As to putting your money in his account, I learned that the hard way, too, only for my son and his health problems. My putting money in his account to pay his bills kept him from being able to get some help.
You are one determined and admirable person working against a very bad system. Please keep us posted on your progress.
We all need to be vigilant, but you seem to be in an area of actual corruption in elder care. You rock!
Carol
This is why we need a national advocacy group. Laws and care differ from state to state and care differs greatly from resident to resident depending on personality, location, care giver training, and the actual residents disabilities. It is very difficult to find dementia care in a skilled nursing facility. Skilled nursing is not tranined in dementia care, and dementia units do not know how to transfer and care for someone who is alert and needs physical assistance. There is much work that needs to be done to improve the quality of care for our parents and for us. I have interviewed attorneys, direcors of nursing, those involved in home care and APS personnel. I get the same message from all. Leave me alone when I become disabled, I will take care of it myself. No one who has worked in a nursing environment wants to be at the mercy of someone they have worked with.
What can we do as a community to stop the fruad, the embezzlement and the ultimate social and economic ruin that has happened to me? I do beleive if there were public awareness, there would be public outcry and this outrageous behavior could be stopped. If it happened to me, it is happening to others. I believe the others simply give up and leave their familiy member to die.
This situation has almost killed me. It has resulted in my total financial collapse. I live day to day, wondering how much longer I can manage to hold on. I have prayed for death for both me and for Dad, yet I have my grandson to raise. He deserves better. What can others in my same situation do, except turn away, for their own survival. I must believe that unity will create change, and that our elders will be treated with the same respect and dignity that we expect for ourselves.
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Also, people can contact AARP, as they have a lot of money and clout. They have represntatives in every state working for better conditions in elder care.
Keep shouting it out, as these standards must change.
Carol
Okay here is the contact ling=k to find your senetor by zipcode and state I say lets everyone send this info to their senetor and congressman. Are we together ??? THAN LETS GETURFUN!!!
This is what I sent to my senator
You have stirred a lot of emotions and memories that I wish I could forget. I too have seen the system at its worst. Until people come together and expose the fraud, manipulation, and lack of care, we will not see change.
When my Mom was 63 she had a seizure and was hospitalized. Her doctor recommended skilled nursing home care for her recovery and rehabilitation. She ended up in long-term institutional care over-medicated.
When I took over as health care surrogate, Mom was in a drug-induced coma and unresponsive. She was transported to South Florida so that I could manage her care. She spent over six months in a nursing home, a hospital and an acute care rehabilitation center. Her neurologist weaned her from all the medications and she was discharged to an assisted living facility. Despite continued outpatient therapy Mom was never able to walk again.
A year later, she had a seizure and was placed on a ventilator and then passed down the line. I fought so hard for the doctors to reduce her meds and wean her from the vent. She progressed and was so close to being decanulated. During capping trials, her nurse left the room and she was alone. Choking caused her to go into cardiac arrest. She survived, but with severe brain damage.
In the last couple years of her life she was placed in eleven different facilities due to medical setbacks, various levels of care, and the inequities of our healthcare system. It was impossible to manage her care at so many difference facilities and with so many different doctors. The “vent unit” in nursing homes is absolutely the worst!!!!!!
When Mom passed away, I felt like I was coming home from war. I had to fight so hard every day just to have her basic needs met, let alone to get the attention she needed to try to save her life. I saw so many inequities and so much neglect. I began documenting everything and writing letters, however, I didn’t get anywhere. I have three small children and could not continue to fight. I needed a break or I would break!
Public awareness and political pressure is what is necessary. Maybe you should call Michael Moore and ask him to do a documentary. I’ll share my story and my documentation. My heart goes out to you. With every person I help, I heal.
Carol