I live with my dad who is 89 and in good health but he is 89 and declining. I live and work from home so we are together all the time and he is pretty dependent on me for almost everything. I do the cooking, cleaning, shopping, I keep him company, I make sure he takes his meds. I love my dad and would do anything for him and I am honoured to have the role I have. However, I have 4 other sisters who are not around, rarely call, very rarely visit and never ask if I need a break or a hand. The grandchildren are another story, there are 9 of them and 4 great grandchildren and dad is lucky to see them once a year. We've even stopped having Christmas together, which is so heartbreaking because everyone says they are too busy, have their own families now, don't want to drive so far, etc. My mom passed, at home in her bed, 2 years ago and I cared for her before she died. I have promised my dad that he will get to pass away in his own bed too. I just never thought I would be all alone in doing this. I am feeling a bit anxious and angry with my siblings and I recently hung up on one of them after she told me that she was too busy to help or visit. Does anyone have any suggestions on how to get my sibs on board without being mean or bitter about it? If I can't count on them now when dad is great and healthy and would love visitors, how can I get them on board in the future when he really declines and is not so much fun to be around? Looking for any advice!
I've come to accept that I'm alone on this journey, and even though I resent it, in many ways it's easier than having to share decision making with someone else.
You can try a few things though:
1. Ask your siblings HOW they would like to help and put the onus on them to address their noninvolvement. Shift the emphasis to them to come right out and state (or provide excuses as may be likely) that they won't help.
2. Create a list of things that need to be done, send the list to all and ask them to indicate which they can do, and/or what they will do.
Keep all the lists, responses, etc. for later in the event they complain that they're not getting their full share of assets after death, or raise some other unfounded complaint. One never knows what will come out of the mental closets of absentee, non-participatory siblings.
And accept that you're on this journey alone; if they don't want to help they aren't going to, but don't allow their negligence to embitter you. And do document their refusals.
But after a number of years of me being totally bent out of shape about my brother's non-involvement, I realized that the only person my anger and frustration was hurting was me. So I was able to let that go and I'm a much happier person for it. I doubt my brother will feel guilt when my mom passes - he's too self-involved. I know I won't be there to help him if he ever needs it; he's burned that bridge long ago for me.
But I also know I've done the very best I could (and will continue to) in caring for my parents. And I'm very proud of that. So my advice is do what you think is right for your dad and let your sisters do what they will (or won't) do. It's out of your hands. You sound like a wonderful son!!