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You ask how to reason with your father. Is your father suffering from dementia, because it seems to me that this would only happen to someone who is not capable of reasoning.
So if Dad has dementia and is incapable of reasoning he may require some placement where staff will see to it that he is properly protected.
I have removed all of his boxers. When he doesn't feel the need to wear them, he goes commando. I have to constantly ask him if he's wearing them and often check his waistband. the problem is that if I don't, I usually find out too late.
Dad has more than "mild dementia " going on if he refuses to wear incontinence briefs and goes commando, resulting in feces and urine being released everywhere but where it belongs! A person of "pride" would never allow such a thing to happen. Once dementia sets in, pride disappears along with logic and common sense.
Let dad know that he either wears Depends now 24/7 or he lives in Memory Care Assisted Living immediately bc you're not going to clean up his "accidents" anymore.
many parents won't listen to their adult child, but they might listen to a hired caregiver.
a friend of mine's mother (mild dementia) (good memory for other things) actually wasn't against adult diapers. but she would forget, or wouldn't know how to do it. every step had to be explained and done together with her daughter.
Sigh. This is when a robot needs to stand in the corner to prompt his dressing routine. Picturing a cheery bleep noise being emmitted & a spoken Thankyou when the Depends are put on..
Sadly no robot for this yet.. human still required.
Prompts. Supervision. Assistance. Eventially taking over the task.
Um, this is far more than mild dementia and pride. That ship sailed.
Mild dementia might have him forgetting to unzip his pants or forgetting to zip up--not going commando and being OK with double incontinence. That is a MUCH larger problem.
I took all FIL's thongs (yep, the man wore thong underwear--totally useless for any type of 'containment') and replaced them with incontinence briefs. If we were going anywhere, he had to show me (Just the waistband) that he was wearing them.
His own kids wouldn't take a hard line with him so I had to. Ugh, One of the more unpleasant things I had to do b/c his kids just...couldn't.
I found some improvement when the drawer was changed to contain incontinence briefs ONLY.
Not wearing any at all would appear to me to be sequencing/memory issue eg putting on trousers before thinking about briefs. Or possibly functional eg not being about to work out top from bottom or leg holes of briefs - so giving up.
Either way, some sort of supervision/prompting may be required. If the little check the waistband is working - great! 👍
I don't live with my LO so backed out of the issue, but l have noticed the incontinent briefs are again kept separately, not in the drawer & wondered why? I presume still denial? There was such reluctance to change to more absorbant styles/products. There is denial surroundong self-managing during the day & denial that assistance is required when out. Also lack of planning to take adequate supplies when out solo. I cannot fix it.
Sorry to hijack, but open to advice.
I sure hope your Dad has a sense of humour & can be jollied along to check, change & be kept clean.
Like others have said, it definitely sounds like some kind of dementia going on in which case you cannot reason with him. Instead just throw away all of his old underwear and replace them with his "new" underwear Depends.
By proceeding, I agree that I understand the following disclosures:
I. How We Work in Washington.
Based on your preferences, we provide you with information about one or more of our contracted senior living providers ("Participating Communities") and provide your Senior Living Care Information to Participating Communities. The Participating Communities may contact you directly regarding their services.
APFM does not endorse or recommend any provider. It is your sole responsibility to select the appropriate care for yourself or your loved one. We work with both you and the Participating Communities in your search. We do not permit our Advisors to have an ownership interest in Participating Communities.
II. How We Are Paid.
We do not charge you any fee – we are paid by the Participating Communities. Some Participating Communities pay us a percentage of the first month's standard rate for the rent and care services you select. We invoice these fees after the senior moves in.
III. When We Tour.
APFM tours certain Participating Communities in Washington (typically more in metropolitan areas than in rural areas.) During the 12 month period prior to December 31, 2017, we toured 86.2% of Participating Communities with capacity for 20 or more residents.
IV. No Obligation or Commitment.
You have no obligation to use or to continue to use our services. Because you pay no fee to us, you will never need to ask for a refund.
V. Complaints.
Please contact our Family Feedback Line at (866) 584-7340 or ConsumerFeedback@aplaceformom.com to report any complaint. Consumers have many avenues to address a dispute with any referral service company, including the right to file a complaint with the Attorney General's office at: Consumer Protection Division, 800 5th Avenue, Ste. 2000, Seattle, 98104 or 800-551-4636.
VI. No Waiver of Your Rights.
APFM does not (and may not) require or even ask consumers seeking senior housing or care services in Washington State to sign waivers of liability for losses of personal property or injury or to sign waivers of any rights established under law.
I agree that:
A.
I authorize A Place For Mom ("APFM") to collect certain personal and contact detail information, as well as relevant health care information about me or from me about the senior family member or relative I am assisting ("Senior Living Care Information").
B.
APFM may provide information to me electronically. My electronic signature on agreements and documents has the same effect as if I signed them in ink.
C.
APFM may send all communications to me electronically via e-mail or by access to an APFM web site.
D.
If I want a paper copy, I can print a copy of the Disclosures or download the Disclosures for my records.
E.
This E-Sign Acknowledgement and Authorization applies to these Disclosures and all future Disclosures related to APFM's services, unless I revoke my authorization. You may revoke this authorization in writing at any time (except where we have already disclosed information before receiving your revocation.) This authorization will expire after one year.
F.
You consent to APFM's reaching out to you using a phone system than can auto-dial numbers (we miss rotary phones, too!), but this consent is not required to use our service.
Does dad have dementia? If so, reasoning isn't going to be effective.
Have you removed all of his regular underwear and replaced them with incontinence briefs?
Is your father suffering from dementia, because it seems to me that this would only happen to someone who is not capable of reasoning.
So if Dad has dementia and is incapable of reasoning he may require some placement where staff will see to it that he is properly protected.
Let dad know that he either wears Depends now 24/7 or he lives in Memory Care Assisted Living immediately bc you're not going to clean up his "accidents" anymore.
a friend of mine's mother (mild dementia) (good memory for other things) actually wasn't against adult diapers. but she would forget, or wouldn't know how to do it. every step had to be explained and done together with her daughter.
Sadly no robot for this yet.. human still required.
Prompts. Supervision. Assistance. Eventially taking over the task.
Mild dementia might have him forgetting to unzip his pants or forgetting to zip up--not going commando and being OK with double incontinence. That is a MUCH larger problem.
I took all FIL's thongs (yep, the man wore thong underwear--totally useless for any type of 'containment') and replaced them with incontinence briefs. If we were going anywhere, he had to show me (Just the waistband) that he was wearing them.
His own kids wouldn't take a hard line with him so I had to. Ugh, One of the more unpleasant things I had to do b/c his kids just...couldn't.
I found some improvement when the drawer was changed to contain incontinence briefs ONLY.
Not wearing any at all would appear to me to be sequencing/memory issue eg putting on trousers before thinking about briefs. Or possibly functional eg not being about to work out top from bottom or leg holes of briefs - so giving up.
Either way, some sort of supervision/prompting may be required. If the little check the waistband is working - great! 👍
I don't live with my LO so backed out of the issue, but l have noticed the incontinent briefs are again kept separately, not in the drawer & wondered why? I presume still denial? There was such reluctance to change to more absorbant styles/products. There is denial surroundong self-managing during the day & denial that assistance is required when out. Also lack of planning to take adequate supplies when out solo. I cannot fix it.
Sorry to hijack, but open to advice.
I sure hope your Dad has a sense of humour & can be jollied along to check, change & be kept clean.
He MUST have dementia. That’s not normal. No one wants to be covered in urine/feces all day.
If dementia is severe, you can’t reason with the person. In any case, your dad will listen more to non-family (like hired care), than to you.
Instead just throw away all of his old underwear and replace them with his "new" underwear Depends.