I have enough of my own issues to deal with that I'm trying to keep from going from merely anxiety attacks to full blown panic attacks. Tonight when it was bed time, mom just wouldn't go. So it ended up being a 2 hour endeavor. Which really made me feel like I was going to lose it. Showing outwardly how I was about to lose it wouldn't have helped. Since that would only have made the whole situation worse. So I had to act outwardly calm while I was screaming on the inside. It's especially frustrating when I have to deal with outside people right there and then and they just don't care. It's not like they don't understand. They do. They just don't care. It's killing me.
Matthew 5:48
"Therefore you are to be perfect, as your heavenly Father is perfect.
The mortal can never be perfection.
Why must she got to sleep at a certain time?
Perhaps she is not sleepy. Maybe she naps during the day.
If the issue is that she is keeping you awake, why not simply tell her that you need to get some rest and will speak to her in the morning.
If you are worried she might fall or slip or poop on the floor, than perhaps it is time to hire a certified medicare nurse assistants.
Discuss the issues with your doctor and he can sign a form that says she needs the CNA
I sympathise with the bedtime face-off, and if it makes you feel any better (I feel terrible) I did completely lose it at least once. It was getting on for - oh can't even remember, half past midnight? One? - and she was 'watching the news.' She always wanted to watch the sodding news. I went hysterical, but in my defence I can't remember either when I'd last had more than three hours' sleep together.
And no you can't just leave them to it and go to bed because of the falls risk, the escape risk, the sh*t all over the loo seat and the floor risk, the hot water tap left running all night risk...
But never mind all that - who are these outsiders who are there, should understand, and don't care?
Think back to when we were children and didn't want to go to bed. Can you allow Mom to stay up later if she wants to? Beats the heck out of fighting.
I agree with both comments. We all get to the point where we realize that this is a "new normal." "Bedtime" doesn't mean bedtime anymore. Lunchtime doesn't mean lunchtime. We need to go with the flow of the patient. Much less stress on us.
One of my tricks is to leave LLLLLLLOOOOOOOOOOAAAAADDDDDDSSSSSSSSSSS of time for everything. It can take fifteen minutes to get my husband from a chair to the car.
Everything takes forever--and when I am tired at bedtime--it feels like torture for him to take a long time to get ready. Solution: get ready early...right after dinner... and take as long as you need, dear. And, I do have to change our schedule all the time. My husband used to get up at eight for breakfast. Now he gets up around ten or eleven. Big change in my life. Needed to shift things to accommodate.
In your case, going with the flow makes even more sense because there are other people there. They CAN pick up the slack if they have to.
We hear a lot of complaining here about others who are not pulling their weight. They are always portrayed as the slackers and villains. I have to confess, however, that if someone else were to take over for me, I would only too happily let them. It is natural. No one wants to do the drudge work.
So, taking that into consideration, may I suggest that you make yourself scarce from time to time? Don't ask for permission. Just walk out the door and leave a note:
Gone shopping. If mom is hungry there is stuff for a sandwich in the fridge. Kisses.
Or
Gone for coffee with Claire. Make sure Mom gets to the bathroom. Love ya!
Expect some flack. Expect some resistance because you, like the rest of us, live with human beings. But human beings, capable of great inertia, are also capable of great change.
This falls under the umbrella of self-care, namely, put your own oxygen mask on first. I practice self-care with great determination. I do make myself scarce. I walk out of the house and go places. Meet friends for coffee. I have to. I need it.
Good luck. We will be thinking of you!
How critical is it to get Mom to bed at a certain time? Is it really worth a two-hour effort? (I don't know the circumstances so I don't know these answers. I just suggest that you should ask them.)
"Mom, I can see that you are not tired now. But let's get your nightie on so you'll be ready when you do get tired." "You don't want your nightie yet? Well, it wouldn't be the end of the world if you fall asleep later in your clothes. I just thought you'd be more comfortable. I'll be in the family room watching tv and knitting. Just come in an get me when you are ready to go to bed."
If you are having frequent episodes during each day that threaten to push you into panic attacks, I really wonder if you are giving some things more priority than they deserve.
Pick your battles.
Does that mean there was somebody else in the house with you at bed time? If it does, why are you shouldering the full responsibility to get her into bed? The next time you are hitting the wall I think you need to leave - go for a walk or a drive, get right away until until you can centre yourself.