Mom passed.

Hi Friends,
Thank you for all the support and advice you have given me over the past few years.

For those who don't know me, my parents moved in with my husband and me in July 2018 when it became clear that my mother had early dementia and was a danger to my Dad who had Parkinson's. Daddy passed in September 2018.

It became too much for me to give adequate care to my mom when she stopped sleeping at night in May of this year since I was/am still working full time from home. My brother and SIL offered to take Mom for a "few weeks" until I got rested, but over the next 6 weeks it became clear that I would not be able to care for her myself. Mom never slept all night after that.

Once I figured out (they let me come to the conclusion for myself instead of telling me) I couldn't take care of Mom, I started going to see her once a month.

My sister, who lives locally, and I drove out to see Mom on January 6th. When we got there, I knelt in front of her and said my name and that I had come to visit her. She repeated my name but it seemed to be a reflex rather than recognition. Mom became more and more restless as the months passed and my SIL seemed to always know what to do to relieve her agitation.

Anyway, that evening Mom ate 3 bowls of cream of rice, but it seemed as if she was in a trance and doing it automatically. That night my SIL had my brother come into the bedroom (not sure exactly why, but it was the first time she required his help). Sunday morning her eyes deviated to the left and we thought maybe she had had another stroke (she had a minor stroke in 2013).

My SIL called the hospice nurse who said that they were changing Mom's status to "actively dying." My sister and I had Monday off but were supposed to return to work Tuesday. I told my sister she could drive my car home and I'd fly home later, but by Monday early afternoon, Mom seemed to be doing better, so we both went home. My brother called Tuesday and said mom had Cheyne Stokes breathing and the nurse indicated Mom may could pass at any time so my sister and I drove back out (6 hours) Tuesday night.

Mom was extremely restless all week. My sister and/or I were with Mom most of the time, with my SIL was always available and supportive while deferring to us except for giving Mom meds to make her comfortable, but we knew she was doing what she thought was best and since she had taken care of Mom for the past 7-8 months, we could point out that Mom seemed uncomfortable but left it to her to decide whether or not to give meds.

Friday the hospice nurse said Mom would probably pass that night, and she did at about 6 p.m. My brother, sister and I were around her and our other sister (who lives in Alaska) was on the phone and got to tell her she loved her and said her good bye.

Although I am sad that I was not able to take care of Mom, my brother's family felt blessed to be able to care for her, and she was able to enjoy time with my brother's family - they have 2 children in their mid 20s who live at home.

Mom received the best care possible during her last months of her life and I'm grateful for that, and although I miss her terribly, I find comfort knowing she's not suffering anymore.

My RN sister said "who would have thought that dementia was a terminal disease." Not me, for sure.

Thank you again for all the support and advice you've given over the last few years.