Mother is paying the family a reasonable rate for 24 x 7 care while she is in Assisted Living at a Senior Facility. We take turns staying with her including through the night. She is going to be 100 years old this year and she wants family there 24 x 7 as she is afraid without loved ones close to her at all times. She is in danger of falling. She had a bad experience at another facility, she went from being Independent, walking 200 to 300 yards a day with her cane not using her walker or having a wheel chair, showering herself to being forced into a "Care" program against her wishes, the Dr.'s objection and my objections as her attending daughter and POA of Health care. She was injured by the facility over and over during this takeover of medical decisions. She suffered from lack of medical care in the health center after they injured he, where it was the facilities duty to provide a Dr. and they did not - leading to pnemonia from a mere cough. Further, she was forced into Personal Care , she might loose her eyesight due to the facilities sloppy and negligent skipping and mixing up her Glaucoma eyedrops, it goes on and on as well as her being injured from the facility cutting my hours back from 24 x 7 to fewer hours and finally to 4 hours a day, 5 days a week . Staff left her alone, in front of the TV after meals without taking her to the bathroom or putting her in bed when she could not balance even sitting up. She had several bad falls in her apartment even after I put up signs after her first fall not to leave her alone in her wheel chair. She was sexually harassed by a maintenance man giving her fears and nightmares, it goes on and on. It got so bad that my brother did not object at the time my son and I moved her to a better facility after my brother realized that the cost of Nurse Aides at $25.00 per hour would run over $200,000 per year per her needs on top of the fee for room and board without my being there with Mother 24 x 7 out of love and some financial assistance. Mother is now making gains in her mental state from where she was. She is walking with a walker now approximately 50 yards a day but she is still in danger of falling and that might not change for the better. I have caught her several times in a fall over the past 3 months since her move to the new facility. Myself and family remains glued to her. We have a home 5 minutes away. Do you think that we could have an attorney draft a Caregiver Agreement. We want to pay taxes on the money and have a contract instead of just being given a gift so that if she runs out of money we will not be subject to a 5 year look-back. Mother could live past 105 or 106, she is a blessing to the family and much loved. The attorney I saw in 2016 wanted $5,000 and had a standard contract for limited hours a week for family care that was not what Mother or the family wanted. Even the best of the facilities have residents falling unless there is 24 x 7 caregiving. Mother had an in-house insurance policy that was supposed to pay fr 24 x 7 private duty Nurses Aid care which the old facility refused to honor. 24 x 7 private duty Nurses Aids was what the facility agreed to when the took over the originators interest in a bankruptcy. Mother paid an additional $1,000 per month for 15 years for 24 x 7 private duty nurses aids when she needed it. We are looking in the refusal of their provide that duty of care but now the most immediate need is to get a Caregiver Contract. Mother always wanted 24 x 7 care when she reached this stage in life. We are seeing another attorney next week regarding a Caregiver Contract. I have looked up agreements online but they are too generic. We would appreciate your experience and comments here.
How many family members participate? How is the money distributed? I take it you are doing this now. How is it working out? Does the person on the night shift stay awake or sleep there?
Are the lawyers you are seeing specialists in Elder Law? I think that is the only way to go for this kind of question.
It sounds as though the back story is that brother holds the purse strings and you are in need of financial assistance.
Does your son have a job?
Mother currently gifting you $1000. per month. You live nearby and one of you....you, son or daughter in law is there, round the clock, to do mom's bidding. You would like the money you are given to be raised to $2000 per month. Someone ( you?) feels that mom needs a family member with her 24/7, due to your fear that she might fall, medication error, lack of medical care and the weird maintenance guy at a previous facility.
In 2008, your brother, apparently on legal advice, took one third of mom's assets, I'm not sure why. This did not seem to leave mom impoverished, but you are still worried about her running out of money.
You ask if $2000 is reasonable pay. There is a bigger question here. If mom needs such close supervision and medical care, doesn't she need to be in a nursing home? If she is anxious, shouldn't she be seen by a geriatric psychiatrist and have her anxiety treated?
Does your son work? Do he and dil have a family?
Elders fall, even with family members in the room. One discharge planner, an RN told me that her elderly mom fell with 3 RNS (including the daughter) in a room. Sometimes elders fall because a bone fractures while they are standing.
BRINGING MOTHER HOME:
I wanted to bring Mother home after our bad experience in the rogue facility. My cousin and brother were against it. I was advised against it. I did not want any chance of being forced out of mother's life. Mother says that she is okay as long as I am with her. An option was left open to move her to another facility. We had to wait for the right time for that. When my Brother saw how expensive the Nurses Aids were at $25.00 per hour when my hours were cut back he agreed. My son also called my cousin and let him know we were moving Mother. By that time he knew that Mother's eyesight was put at risk and he did not raise any argument. He was close with management at the rogue facility.
INSURANCE PAID FOR 14 YEARS FOR ROUND THE CLOCK NURSES AIDS SLUFFED OFF
Mother paid $1,000 per month for insurance for private duty round - the -clock care to the Senior Facility where she originally owned her apartment. Mother lost ownership when the Facility went bankrupt. The Facility was bought out by the rogue facility and under the Bankruptcy Settlement she was to receive 24 x 7 care when she needed it in Independent Living and she continued to pay $1,000 per month insurance to the owners and she paid them rent for an apartment instead of owning her apartment. I found the bankruptcy papers. The rogue facility denied it. Being in any kind of I.L., P.C., A.L., Memory Care or Nursing Home is not the same as 24 x 7 private duty assistance. The cost in a facility is $200,000+ a year just for the 24 x 7 private duty assistance. She has stated she wanted 24 x 7 care when she got older since 2002. She and her 2nd husband stayed at my home for 3 months until their apartment was ready. I asked them to move in with me then and let them know that I bought the house so my family would always have a place to come home to.
BENEFITS OF BRINGING MOTHER HOME
Also, when the parent and child/ family is willing, it can be a great experience. My background here is being involved in a Church where many children have their elderly parents at home. They had a class for several years where Mother (sometimes) and I both participated. Income of the families was not the issue, some homes are very luxurious and I am sure some of the participants struggled with a home and finances but even if they did not struggle they would have their parents at home. It might come to this but we are not ready. There are many issues I am looking into and have to resolve.
MOTHER IS STILL GETTING USED TO THE NEW FACILITY AND IT IS GOOD FOR US BOTH TO BE HAVING A GOOD EXPERIENCE HERE.
At the new facility, people are kind and loving, I can watch them giving Mother her eye drops. They do it according to the Dr's direction. We bring Mother home for family time with us all together. Most important Mother is experiencing how much God loves her by being surrounded by a close attentive family and in a facility that works with us and does not cause conflict and harm.
FINANCES
Brother is not in control of finances by any agreement. He and I are equals in the Trust that pays for the facility and 24 x 7 care. Mother is still competent. He and the stock broker connived the stocks transferred to him in 2008 and other later transfers to him, I witnessed him badgering her over money (he is wealthy). When we were younger Mother helped him and his family. I was glad she could do that, if she was not able I could have helped him and his family. When Mother sent me money in 2012 when I was having difficulty, he demanded equal. We became suspicious and sent a letter to his broker that mother did not want to pre-distribute her money, that she wanted her money to pass through her estate unless she wrote a check from her checking account. That is when my brother was really angry and he took her checkbook. We made an agreement that no checks would be written from her trust fund unless he and I signed them. In 2015 we studied all transactions at Mother's IL apartment. Mother and I tried to straighten it out. I documented everything and sent it to him and his broker and asked for a meeting with the broker. We took a witness to our meeting. They promised me documents, and everything I asked for. Nothing was ever sent. They and my brother make me very nervous. Mother has been recommended another brokerage firm by her step-son. He is a great guy. I feel bad that my brother is not looking out like that for Mother and myself.
STILL RECOVERING
The rogue facility took its toll on me as well as Mother. We are both recovering from the negligence and abuse. My son and his wife are assisting me with Mother's Care. I recently became a member of the Church Choir, have a Bible Study Group, and attend church Services on Sunday mornings. They cover me for these events and on Tuesdays when I clean the house, do the laundry and run errands. My son stops by almost every day. He is a family man with his wife, daughter, 3 grandchidren and 1 on the way. He was in the oil industry until they laid off workers. He was receiving pay for Mothers Care until certain expenses Mother and I are facing cropped up. He works and is looking for more work. He is managing. I would be here for $0.00 if I didn't need some help. I pay all the expenses for the home which is right up the road from Mother's facility. My son keeps the yard and repairs up on the house. We have a nice home in a beautiful and friendly community.
Tomorrow we are going to visit the home with my son, wife, grandson who works out of town and is returning for a visit. That will be fun. I sleep on an air mattress on the floor in Mother's apartment. It reminds me of living in Colorado. I do not sleep much. I spend time writing and documenting into the night. I wake up when Mother gets up. I've never slept very much. We have a Bed Posey I have to get programmed. It goes under Mother and it rings or can be programmed to say, "please don't get up until someone can assist you."
I guess I will draft an aagreement and take it to an attorney. I get frustrated with them
Here is a copy of a Caregiver's Agreement I found on Aging Care. https://www.agingcare.com/documents/personal_care_agreement_AgingCare.pdf
As for the $2k per month for being an extra set of ears and eyes for your Mom, it is whatever the family agrees. Sounds like the family is working as a team, that is great.