So 3 years ago at 66 my mother went in for some routine surgery but unfortunately it caused a stroke which left her left side bad. After about 1 year she was talking fine but still very weak left leg (walker and other struggles) and little use of the left arm. She also has some memory issues and left sight issues but bless she is still able to live a life independently (with many struggles) though not how she dreamed. Yes she has been seeing dr regularly and she has had COPD issues even prior.
The last 2 years it seems like as she gains strength/endurance something comes along and she is right back where she was (COVID restrictions have really hurt her health). My single mother worked hard her entire life and I was excited for her to enjoy retirement. I wish I had $ or she did to hire personalized care since I really think it would have made a difference.
Anyway my question, she is going to be 70 this year. She goes out 1-3 times a week with friends but other than that she gets no activity. It's not that she doesn't want to but it is not easy for everyone to get her and she still gets tired easy. She has lost some weight (diet but she was not very overweight) which should help but I really have been trying to get her to look into hiring someone to come in for PT at least once a week to push her exercise. She says she knows the exercises and does them and is active so she doesn't want to waste what inheritance she has.
I know mental issues and vision are likely not going to change but I feel like she could get back that leg strength and maybe some more arm usage. Her legs function and she can walk with just a cane but weakness/balance don't let her and also rob her of any confidence trying to do it on her own. Am I hoping for too much at this point? I just hate to see her alone so much because she is too afraid to be on her own and fall.
So speak with your Mom and find out how she truly feels about this. We are the wrong ones to ask in this instance. There may have to be more work from you, as far as acceptance goes. I am so glad to hear she still is going out with friends. That's great news.
Yes there is definitely more acceptance needed but honestly I will never be able to accept her situation and stop trying to improve it. If she was 79 maybe but I know she has so much more she wants to do in life still. It boils down to $ like most things, she won't spend what little she has saved for me and I don't have the extra money after this past year to just pay for those things. It is nice to just get these things out, I know there is not magic answer but its nice to know you are not alone.
Now on a side note, you say in your last paragraph that "I know mental issues are not likely to change." I don't know if her Dr's have shared with you or not, but people that have had a stroke are much more likely to develop dementia(usually vascular) down the road. My husband who had his stroke at 48 was diagnosed with vascular dementia at the age of 70,(even though he showed signs before that) and passed away from it at the age of 72. Not to scare you, but to make you aware that that is a possibility. You are sweet to care about you mom so. Keep up the good work.
Welcome to the forum.
Did your mom do rehabilitation after her stroke? Rehabilitation helped both of my parents. My dad went after his stroke and mom went after falls due to Parkinson’s disease.
Has she done home health?
Home health is wonderful.
My mom’s occupational and physical therapist gave her specific exercises to do throughout the week. My mom did them.
You’re right about the achievements accomplished in rehab. It’s a workout!
I was totally amazed at how much work my mom did in her 90’s!
While we encourage the *move it or lose it* approach & it increases independence we are mindfully that too much will fatigue her & increase her falls risk.
OT calls it 'Duty of Care vs Dignify of Risk'. I don't think there is any simple answer.
I suppose I'd be looking bigger & longer picture. What is important to her? When she does move from independence to semi-indepenant, what are her preferences? An assist lady to pop in a few times a week? Moving into an assisted living where some friends may already be? (My Aunt did that).
It sounds like she has a good balance between going out/ social connections & rest now.
Is there a middle ground of gentle encouragement? (To keep what she's got).
I know she isnt sitting around all week alone but she wants to be active and more independent. Just trying to figure out if someone coming to help her work out and watch her to make her feel comfortable enough to push her endurance.
I would call her Doctor and ask if he can order physical therapy in home or out patient. Medicare will pay for the majority of it with her supplimental maybe picking up the balance or partial. Then you will find out if Mom can improve or she has hit her plateau.
You may want to check with Medicaid to see if Mom qualifies for an aide. Call your Office of Aging, some supply aides.