My friend just had to have her bladder removed- cancer. She ran into several complications and ended up in the hospital for 5 weeks. They made no effort to get her up and moving so her muscles atrophied.
Now she is in rehab- and improving slowly but improving. They informed her that she is moving too slow- and told her she would be released mid-Nov.
Where does she go? She lives alone- lives on ss- and a bit of help from her daughters who both live in Texas....and are not very supportive...so what is she to do?
I believe she will recover enough to be alone again but for the moment she needs in home help. Putting her into a nursing home will be a disaster....nobody ever fares well in those places and with covid- its worse. Medicare does not cover much in home care- and I believe its unsafe for her to be home alone all the time
If anyone can advise me how I can help her or what possible options are- I would greatly appreciate it. My heart goes out to her and I find her daughters awful. They blame her for her slow recovery.
I think that you should function as a good friend, but do know that it is up to your friend, her family, and how well she can function what the next steps will be, and they well may be going into care either for some period of time, or permanently.
So continue to be a good friend, to be there to comfort and to listen.
There is very little else that you can do, as a friend.
I am so sorry for all her problems. And I understand how upsetting it must be for you to see.
1. Search online to see if there's a Gilda's Club near her. She might get suggestions, and even help, from them. I was really impressed when I met with one of the staff.
2. See if there's a Senior Center than can deliver meals. Not only would it avoid the challenge of cooking, it'll provide her with a bit of companionship even for a few moments, and it's also people who can check in on her when they deliver meals.
3. Ask if the Senior Center has a social worker; I've found the one in my father's area to be quite knowledgeable on resources.
4. Contact the county offices to see if they have respite care, and what else might be available.
5. Have her contact her doctor and script for PT at home; that'll not only give her some human interaction but can help her regain her strength. The therapists can also give her sheets of exercise instructions, so she can do them on her own, or you can do them with her to provide support and companionship.
Have her also ask the doctor if she/he will script for additional rehab care in a facility. My understanding of several years ago was that it could be extended if the patient needed it. That's how we got longer care for my mother when she broke her leg and was nonweight bearing for about 6 weeks.
6. What you can do is make meals for her and pack them in single portions, preferably in microwave dishes so she doesn't have to stand and warm them up at a stove. Good nourishment will be one of the real needs as she recovers.
I'm wondering if she'll need to be on a special diet?
You might also consider shopping for her, if you're comfortable doing this.
7. I don't know how elimination is handled when a bladder is removed, but if it requires some assistance, that's another justification for her doctor to script for home care, including a nurse possibly for longer than would be normal for home health and PT/OT.
8. Spend some time with her planning her days, what she needs, and arrange things around her favorite chair for easy access. That would include phone, her address book (some of us still use these old fashioned things), Kleenex, meds, blankets, etc.
9. If you want to extend yourself more, have her keep a running list of things she needs at home, including meds, and pick them up for her. My sister had friends do this during her chemo sessions as it was too demanding for her to even consider driving.
10. Your profile indicates her gait is unsteady. She might need a rollator, which is more stable than a walker. Her doctor could script for one; you might want to research on line to help her choose, contact DMEs and see if they'll deliver to her apartment.
11. I would purchase or get money from her for no rinse shampoo and soap products. They're just as thorough as rinse products, and that would avoid the challenge and danger of getting in and out of a shower.
12. Lastly, I'm wondering if she could qualify for Medicaid. One of her doctor's staff, or even someone at the nursing home might be able to help determine this.
That's all I can think of now. You're a good friend to be so concerned about her, and I hope she heals well and safely, and that you as well remain safe and as healthy as we can be these days.
Have her ask her doctor, and get the rehab fully informed. imo.
She is improving. Rehab could be wrong about moving too slow.
The doctor has the power to explain the needed recovery, and to request an extension to the rehab through her insurance/Medicare?
Her daughters could be behaving badly because they are scared they will lose their mother. Try less judgment, more understanding all around. This friend should not have to face judgment in addition to her illness. imo. Placing blame when one does not even know if they will survive is cruel.
Getting your friend a support group specific to adjusting to living without a bladder may help. A cancer support group.
6 residents 2 caretakers... Look online for these type of places .
and also check out the nursing homes. some have gotten better over the last 40 years, I hope...
She needs to talk to the Social Worker to help her find options. She maybe able to continue therapy at home. Maybe she can get help thru Medicaid "in home" services. Or Office of Aging.