I've lived with my grandma for most of my life and recently turned eighteen in February. She takes care of her self, handles her own bills, and even takes care of my uncle who has brain damage. I just stay there for a week and my boyfriends house for a week, mainly because she will miss me when I go to college. I recently got my permit and we were running late for a dentist appointment and had to drive on the interstate for the first time. When I got to the doctors office I did say "shes so stupid" because she ignored me for a broken phone for most of the car ride which put us in danger several times then preceded to give me directions some of which were bad and some of which were good. Someone reported me for "elderly abuse" because I called her stupid and an idiot and looked "generally angry". Of course I was my brother died in a car accident. I normally don't say anything bad to my grandma but I was stressed and her actions could have us killed. Anyways I'm eighteen, I'm no caregiver. I handle no finances, heck I even pay rent (aka the electricity bill). I clean my room and she cleans the rest of the house. Am I not allowed to say anything bad about my grandma anymore? Anyways, I'm not a care giver. The law says "a caregiver".
Having said that, have you ever been called stupid or idiot? Probably, I think everyone has at some time. Point is, how did it feel? I am seeing here that you are so much more worried about what is going to happen to you, than what you did to your GM. Being called those things hurts just as much as a slap in the face. Would you walk up to your GM and slap her in the face? I would hope your answer is no. Personally, I would rather be slapped in the face than called stupid or idiot. Especially by someone who is supposed to love me. But you can apologize and the two of you can get past this.
For future reference, yes, anyone who does anything to hurt another can be accused of abuse. As well it should be, because that is what it is. The only thing you could not be accused of would be neglect as you are not responsible for that person. If you do not regularly abuse or treat your GM poorly, I would not worry about getting in trouble with the authorities. Even if there is an investigation. It will pass and they will move on. However, if this is an ongoing attitude you have toward GM, you should get in trouble. Being hurtful or mean to anyone is never ok. Forgivable yes, ok no.
No, you're not going to jail and the worst thing that can happen from this is that someone from APS comes to the house and interviews you and gma.
You obviously learned a valuable lesson. People DO notice when they see Elders "possibly" being abused, and sometimes they report it. I have a feeling you may not be as forthright about the experience as you're telling us. Somebody had to know you to report you--did you carry this anger and conversation into the dentist's office with you? All medical professionals are REQUIRED to report possible abuse.
An earlier post said her PCP (her primary care doc) always asks if she feels safe at home--that is one of the fallback systems in place to allow elders to say "yes, my such and so is verbally/physically abusive". It's actually required of them to report it.
Now, have I ever gotten so angry with my mother I have yelled at her? Sorry to say, yes, a few times. But in the privacy of her home. Not excusing my lack of patience, but any caregiver gets exhausted and frustrated. But you're NOT a caregiver. You're a kid living with grandma, at grandma's OK. You need to respect that.
My brother, with whom my mother lives, was reported to APS by a neighbor. Brother has quite the temper. He wasn't yelling AT mom, but he has. The visit from APS straightened him out.
Just watch your mouth, your grandma wasn't using the best judgment, but she didn't need to be called an idiot. No one deserves that. Esp someone who is basically letting you live rent free. Sorry, paying the electric bill doesn't make you independent.
Ask gma's forgiveness with NO "but I was stressed out" excuses. Just an I'm sorry and don't do it again.
* Apologize sincerely to your Grandma. She may have made mistakes; but you are apologizing for your own part.
* If you are contacted re: this - own up to your behavior. You can tell them why you lost it, but don't make excuses. Most likely they will let it drop unless there is a pattern of abusive behavior.
* Continue to be a responsible person who is entering the adult world. If you have problems with your temper, get help. Best to deal with it now, rather than continuing bad patterns. And give yourself credit for reaching out and being willing to learn.
To some of the other responders: She is still a child - still in high school, or just finished. Remember yourself at that age. I was a very responsible teen who took care of my siblings and my mother who was ill, paid for my own things, and put myself through college. But I certainly did NOT know at that age how to handle difficult communication, handle frustration, etc. Give this teen credit for reaching out and asking for info and help. And give her credit for trying to help with the house and utilities. How many of you paid some of the house utilities when you were barely 18?
We don't know why they were running late for the appointment, maybe gma was to blame for that who knows?
Telling the girl she needs to take a course in anger management is way over the top. She already knows she did something wrong. Both of them should be apologizing. gma was hardly behaving responsibly by failing to properly supervise a young drive.
Now lets give everyone the benefit of the doubt and wish NeaNea a successful senior year in high schooling and a fulfilling time in college.
Oh I just read the comments about my boyfriend. I live with him half time because he has a great family. They have gotten me in church and taught me stuff like how to be responsible and they tell me stories all the time. I'm not living with him half time because I'm trying to be irresponsible, but because his family is providing me with support and guidance that my grandmother just can't anymore. Grandmas taught me independence and not to be stupid, but shes so guarded from her younger years. For a long time I was told "men are cheaters mean can't clean" and stuff like that about not trusting people or men in general. His family teaches me how to see everyone equally.
It is always true that you have choices. Unfortunately, for some people, at some times, none of the choices available is very attractive.
When you know someone like that the message is do not get involved. Yes you can walk away as long as you never walked in. The evidence is there long before they need care.
Really who's the stupid one ?
ME!! for not walking away and staying away a long long long time ago
I'm very glad you have people in your life that can guide you well. Your grandmother is great in some ways, but it's good to recognize that she has her limitations as well. I'm glad your boyfriend's family is so supportive.
We can't choose our bio-family. But we can choose our extended family or chosen family. That makes such a big difference in life.
Take care. We all wish you well in your life's journey.
Naenae, sounds like you have a wonderful gma who raised you well. I can hear the love you have in your words here 😘Hugs