Elder services made a visit. From what mom (who has dementia) said, they questioned the POA (sister) and my brother who runs rampant with moms debit card, cashes huge checks and ran up my deceased dad’s credit card and asked about the 5 year old expired eye drops. Mom was mad at me for doing it and said the people said they didn’t know why they were there and everything looked great and mom said don’t come back.
CURRENT PROBLEM- they blocked me from calling my mom now on her home phone but I can call or text her cell. But she can’t hear well on her phone.
My brother recorded the call where my mom told me about people coming to her home. She asked if I knew anything about it and I said yes I contacted them.
Is it legal for him to record my calls? I know it was recorded because at the end of my conversation mom agreed with what I did and thanked me for watching out for her. Then put me on hold bc someone was walking in- it was my sister asking my brother if he got it all and he said he did and they could listen to it again later but he had enough questions that day and was going home.
As much as I wanted to point out everything they had done to mom, I kept the call positive and all about her and her care and never said anything about the others.
I feel it made things worse for me being able to talk to mom anymore without them recording everything. I’m beyond frustrated at this point and need guidance.
Mark did not return nor did he respond here. Mark has a more recent post and apparently keeps having problems. This appears to be yet another case of siblings at war.
We do have ‘from a distance’ family members who think caring should be done by local siblings for love and for free, and ‘really isn’t that much anyway’. Also some who tell the parent that they are being exploited by the locals, which makes care even more difficult. I’m not saying that’s what you are doing, but it is certainly true sometimes, and clearly the reaction of B and S didn’t come out of nowhere.
Two things you could do (besides giving up your joint POA):
1) Ask Elder Protective services what THEY discovered, not what your M with dementia said.
2) Offer to use one of your paid holidays to ‘spell’ your B and S so that you can see hands-on what the care involves, and B and S (plus spouses) can get a break.
'Rushing to help' is cheaper and better than 'rushing to the law' or 'rushing to blame'.
Worth a thought? You have several relationships at risk here, for the rest of your life.
A POA has to act in mom’s best interests & it doesn’t sound like that’s what they’re doing
ps: I'm in Oregon and the state laws may differ. Laws may differ, reading the "Older Americans Act of 1965", might help. The United States Bar Association might have a service, in which you pay a one time fee for questions for you year.
I'm from Oregon and am my mom's Conservator and Guardian. I wish you the BEST OF LUCK, it's huge trying to navigate this on your own. I almost thought I was reading my own post. This is very sad.
It is ILLEGAL for anyone to take advantage of an elder's finances, especially the POA! If you think the sister is also part of the problem, she has a legal responsibility to act in a way that is in the elder's best interest.
Not only financial abuse, but they could be feeding her misinformation, or keeping her from receiving services she wants or needs.
If you are concerned, you need to intervene! I understand, no one wants to pay for an attorney. But if you can find a way, this is your chance to act and possibly change what's happening.
My sibling blocked myself & my kids from seeing & speaking to my mom & had her trust & will amended to benefit himself.
Time to speak to a litigation attorney who deals with elderly cases to find out what your options are. Your brother sounds as evil as mine.
We have no clue, either way, more information would be helpful.
There are 2 sides to this story, and we don't know you. Family's can be crazy, the stories I have of my husbands brother, if he told them you would think we where the worst people in the world. I'm not going to make any speculations on which.
My husbands brother convinced the police, that my husband stoled a gun from his house. Cops banging at the door, hand on there guns, ready to arrest him.
To make a long story short, cops ended up very apologetic. It was a family farm and my husbands on the deed , he had every right to take what he wanted.
I think what I'm saying is we really can't judge this situation well. His brother convinced the cops he was the only owner, so how are we going to know who is in the right, by so little of what your saying.
I wish I had better suggestions for you, but I'm really confused about everything you have written
Your brother can record a convo between he and you under your states laws.
I am not saying that brother is not wrong in what he is doing. And no, he can't record you without telling you first. All he wanted was you admitting you called ES. He can't do anything about that. You had a right to make the call. I would though if you haven't yet, have your POA revoked. But then, you may need it in the future.
Not trying to be rude here, but what did you think was going to happen when it was found you called ES. Seems brother is controlling Mom. He has now blocked you. He probably has removed your info from Moms phone. Maybe she will remember your phone#.
Please update us on Elder services findings. Tell them u have been blocked and that you were recorded without ur knowledge.
Continue to call elder abuse, or have a wellness check by police.
I would take your concerns to an attorney.
If you have other proof you could try to obtain Guardianship so you then would be responsible for mom. This is not easy not is it inexpensive.
You would have to check into the laws in your State to determine if audio recording without 2 party consent is legal, (and I doubt that mom could give legal consent so that may be your answer there)
Sometimes people are very confused about the legalities of their authority being a POA.
Who knows with these sibling battles.
How do you know this information? If you have hard evidence of this why don't you bring this to APS or an attorney? I don't have any experience with APS but not sure they have the ability to look into people's finances very easily.
Are you looking to remove your brother's presence and influence? Are you saying your sister in in collusion with him?
I'm sorry that this conflict with your siblings over your Mom's care is causing such distress. If this is a financial matter I would consult with an attorney on what specific evidence you'll need to bring about a change in your Mom's best interests.
after that they blocked me from calling