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Acknowledgment of Disclosures and Authorization
By proceeding, I agree that I understand the following disclosures:
I. How We Work in Washington. Based on your preferences, we provide you with information about one or more of our contracted senior living providers ("Participating Communities") and provide your Senior Living Care Information to Participating Communities. The Participating Communities may contact you directly regarding their services. APFM does not endorse or recommend any provider. It is your sole responsibility to select the appropriate care for yourself or your loved one. We work with both you and the Participating Communities in your search. We do not permit our Advisors to have an ownership interest in Participating Communities.
II. How We Are Paid. We do not charge you any fee – we are paid by the Participating Communities. Some Participating Communities pay us a percentage of the first month's standard rate for the rent and care services you select. We invoice these fees after the senior moves in.
III. When We Tour. APFM tours certain Participating Communities in Washington (typically more in metropolitan areas than in rural areas.) During the 12 month period prior to December 31, 2017, we toured 86.2% of Participating Communities with capacity for 20 or more residents.
IV. No Obligation or Commitment. You have no obligation to use or to continue to use our services. Because you pay no fee to us, you will never need to ask for a refund.
V. Complaints. Please contact our Family Feedback Line at (866) 584-7340 or ConsumerFeedback@aplaceformom.com to report any complaint. Consumers have many avenues to address a dispute with any referral service company, including the right to file a complaint with the Attorney General's office at: Consumer Protection Division, 800 5th Avenue, Ste. 2000, Seattle, 98104 or 800-551-4636.
VI. No Waiver of Your Rights. APFM does not (and may not) require or even ask consumers seeking senior housing or care services in Washington State to sign waivers of liability for losses of personal property or injury or to sign waivers of any rights established under law.I agree that: A.I authorize A Place For Mom ("APFM") to collect certain personal and contact detail information, as well as relevant health care information about me or from me about the senior family member or relative I am assisting ("Senior Living Care Information"). B.APFM may provide information to me electronically. My electronic signature on agreements and documents has the same effect as if I signed them in ink. C.APFM may send all communications to me electronically via e-mail or by access to an APFM web site. D.If I want a paper copy, I can print a copy of the Disclosures or download the Disclosures for my records. E.This E-Sign Acknowledgement and Authorization applies to these Disclosures and all future Disclosures related to APFM's services, unless I revoke my authorization. You may revoke this authorization in writing at any time (except where we have already disclosed information before receiving your revocation.) This authorization will expire after one year. F.You consent to APFM's reaching out to you using a phone system than can auto-dial numbers (we miss rotary phones, too!), but this consent is not required to use our service.
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Mostly Independent
Your loved one may not require home care or assisted living services at this time. However, continue to monitor their condition for changes and consider occasional in-home care services for help as needed.
Remember, this assessment is not a substitute for professional advice.
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If you got it your entire life, why would it change now? Don't pick up the luggage. I long ago dropped the phrase "What is wrong" from my vocabulary. If someone has something nasty to say to me they need to vomit it up all on their own. Move on with your day. And remember, sometimes it has absolutely nothing to do with you.
I believe that is called "passive aggressive" behavior. It is also dysfunctional and immature. Ignore it and go on with your day choosing happiness. Doing that is called "extinguishing behavior" as it throws cold water on their lame attempt to needle, punish or control you and they may eventually stop doing it when they see it gets no reaction from you. Agree with AlvaDeer as to why you would now expect that behavior to change when it's been there all along? Only give attention to their mature, respectful treatment of you. Good luck!
Thank you. Just realize, it is so ingrained. It was all you ever lived with. Those childhood patterns are not so easy to dismiss, without barking back assertively, which my therapist taught me. U can change, but the parent has no interest to change their ways. It still results in the uncomfortable silence, via their fault. Not a matter of removing dialogue. Well.....way too much for here....... But, thanks.
When those buttons are pushed, it dredges up all the old memories that ignite pain & anger. The silent treatment is a punishment nobody deserves, as it's an immature way to deal with an issue. But, like Alva said, you cannot expect her to change at this stage of the game. In fact, things tend to get worse as their personalities morph into an even uglier version of their former selves, since the mask falls off. The best thing to do is not engage........ignore the behavior & move along with your day. If there is no audience, the punishment was ineffective. Not easy, by any means, but life preserving nevertheless.
I can imagine circumstances where it would be delightful. Easier to just ignore their behavior. However, I suspect you would need to have reached the place where you expected or hoped for nothing from them.
I got the silent treatment all while I was growing up. It was my punishment for what ever I did wrong. I hated it and vowed I would never do that to anyone else. When my live-in Mom gets upset, a nasty comment will generally be spoken and then the silent treatment. Control and manipulation won’t change. AlvaDeer for suggested to drop the “What is Wrong” phrase from vocabulary. I can see where that would not feed into their game. I am going to drop that phrase immediately! lealonnie1 mentioned their personalities morph into an uglier version of their former self, oh I can’t wait ;( It is so hard not to take things personally, but it is self preserving! The best to you!
I like what Rovana said, I too can see where it would be delightful.
My MIL was like that and she was passive-aggressive. I am so glad we never had to care for her. For your sanity, you have to just let her pout. Don't give in to her. Go on and do what you need to do or want to do.
OMG my mom did that horribly to both my dad and myself growing up. I remember a lot of times tip-toeing around the house as a kid. Now that I am 52 and she is 77, I have the guts to tell her she "has the emotional maturity of a 15 year old." and yes, it made me feel good to say so!!!! LOL.
I told my mother she is psycho once, and it seemed appropriate based on her behavior earlier this year. I'm just thinking if there's too much of this kind of thing it's time for me to move out, albeit I have lived under her roof all my life and financially I'm destitute.
So ... Mom I believe needed in home nursing care since er release and I believe still could benefit. She refused all including what was offered by hospital social worker.
I let her know that I am not her in home nursing care because her illness is beyond my limitations and life threatening.
She was bothering me as I was working on important matters for myself and I let her know that. She had a complete tantrum out of nowhere, the first I have ever seen, and very upset shouted I'll never bother you again. Since then there has been silence mingled with blasting her radio and suggesting store staff thought she was me when she gained access to a discount card of mine. All within 3.5 weeks since leaving er.
We live together and there is financial codependency and I am destitute and seriously considering looking for way to move out. She could realistically find someone with more money to spend on rent than myself to share the apartment and she could be better off.
By proceeding, I agree that I understand the following disclosures:
I. How We Work in Washington.
Based on your preferences, we provide you with information about one or more of our contracted senior living providers ("Participating Communities") and provide your Senior Living Care Information to Participating Communities. The Participating Communities may contact you directly regarding their services.
APFM does not endorse or recommend any provider. It is your sole responsibility to select the appropriate care for yourself or your loved one. We work with both you and the Participating Communities in your search. We do not permit our Advisors to have an ownership interest in Participating Communities.
II. How We Are Paid.
We do not charge you any fee – we are paid by the Participating Communities. Some Participating Communities pay us a percentage of the first month's standard rate for the rent and care services you select. We invoice these fees after the senior moves in.
III. When We Tour.
APFM tours certain Participating Communities in Washington (typically more in metropolitan areas than in rural areas.) During the 12 month period prior to December 31, 2017, we toured 86.2% of Participating Communities with capacity for 20 or more residents.
IV. No Obligation or Commitment.
You have no obligation to use or to continue to use our services. Because you pay no fee to us, you will never need to ask for a refund.
V. Complaints.
Please contact our Family Feedback Line at (866) 584-7340 or ConsumerFeedback@aplaceformom.com to report any complaint. Consumers have many avenues to address a dispute with any referral service company, including the right to file a complaint with the Attorney General's office at: Consumer Protection Division, 800 5th Avenue, Ste. 2000, Seattle, 98104 or 800-551-4636.
VI. No Waiver of Your Rights.
APFM does not (and may not) require or even ask consumers seeking senior housing or care services in Washington State to sign waivers of liability for losses of personal property or injury or to sign waivers of any rights established under law.
I agree that:
A.
I authorize A Place For Mom ("APFM") to collect certain personal and contact detail information, as well as relevant health care information about me or from me about the senior family member or relative I am assisting ("Senior Living Care Information").
B.
APFM may provide information to me electronically. My electronic signature on agreements and documents has the same effect as if I signed them in ink.
C.
APFM may send all communications to me electronically via e-mail or by access to an APFM web site.
D.
If I want a paper copy, I can print a copy of the Disclosures or download the Disclosures for my records.
E.
This E-Sign Acknowledgement and Authorization applies to these Disclosures and all future Disclosures related to APFM's services, unless I revoke my authorization. You may revoke this authorization in writing at any time (except where we have already disclosed information before receiving your revocation.) This authorization will expire after one year.
F.
You consent to APFM's reaching out to you using a phone system than can auto-dial numbers (we miss rotary phones, too!), but this consent is not required to use our service.
Don't pick up the luggage. I long ago dropped the phrase "What is wrong" from my vocabulary. If someone has something nasty to say to me they need to vomit it up all on their own. Move on with your day. And remember, sometimes it has absolutely nothing to do with you.
Just realize, it is so ingrained.
It was all you ever lived with.
Those childhood patterns are not so easy to dismiss, without barking back assertively, which my therapist taught me.
U can change, but the parent has no interest to change their ways.
It still results in the uncomfortable silence, via their fault.
Not a matter of removing dialogue.
Well.....way too much for here.......
But, thanks.
When my live-in Mom gets upset, a nasty comment will generally be spoken and then the silent treatment. Control and manipulation won’t change.
AlvaDeer for suggested to drop the “What is Wrong” phrase from vocabulary. I can see where that would not feed into their game. I am going to drop that phrase immediately!
lealonnie1 mentioned their personalities morph into an uglier version of their former self, oh I can’t wait ;(
It is so hard not to take things personally, but it is self preserving!
The best to you!
My MIL was like that and she was passive-aggressive. I am so glad we never had to care for her. For your sanity, you have to just let her pout. Don't give in to her. Go on and do what you need to do or want to do.
I let her know that I am not her in home nursing care because her illness is beyond my limitations and life threatening.
She was bothering me as I was working on important matters for myself and I let her know that. She had a complete tantrum out of nowhere, the first I have ever seen, and very upset shouted I'll never bother you again. Since then there has been silence mingled with blasting her radio and suggesting store staff thought she was me when she gained access to a discount card of mine. All within 3.5 weeks since leaving er.
We live together and there is financial codependency and I am destitute and seriously considering looking for way to move out. She could realistically find someone with more money to spend on rent than myself to share the apartment and she could be better off.
I feel like I'm done.