I am the primary caretaker of my 86 YO mother for almost two years now. I have help daily from an agency and my family. I sleep at my mother's apartment each night as she cannot be alone due to a stroke. My two daughters have always helped out with her care and my mom comes to my house nightly for dinner etc. A few times when I’ve run out at night and left Mom at my house with my daughters and husband she will constantly ask when I’m coming home. Last night I was at dinner with a friend and mom repeatedly asked my husband and daughters where I was over and over and even when mom was told I was on my way she kept asking. My husband and children are very good to my mom and extremely patient. More than me really but I don’t get it. When hired help is with her she doesn’t do this although she knows the exact time I will be back. Once I got home last night she kept apologizing. It’s strange to me but is this normal behavior? Mom and I have many conversations about me needing ‘me time’ and she is always in agreement. I should also add she does this if she’s at her apartment and my girls are there caring for her. Yet she says to me all the time that she likes when they care for her. How should I handle the next time I go out? Was thinking of talking with her before hand but wanted to see if anyone had any other suggestions? I’ve gotten so much info on this forum from just reading!
https://www.anthemmemorycare.com/blog/what-is-shadowing-can-you-minimize-it
thats a great link. I hope others check it out.
I would suggest, if Mom can afford it, an Assisted Living. The earlier you get some one placed the sooner they except it as their home. You daughters are not always going to be around to help. They need lives of there own. And as much as DH is a good patient man, he needs his wife.
Have you heard of a Time Timer? It’s a countdown timer that is silent - there’s no loud dinging when time is up. They are commonly used in schools with students for knowing when something is going to happen next. While she gets used to it, your family can keep pointing to the timer every time she asks when you’re going to be back. It’s a great way to visually illustrate how much time is left.
Might be worth a try.
https://www.amazon.com/Time-Timer-Home-MOD-Homeschool/dp/B08K9GFDMP/ref=sr_1_3?dchild=1&keywords=Time+timer&qid=1633025654&sr=8-3
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