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I'm starting to worry that my husband might be experiencing the first stages of "failure to thrive". He's sleeping 16 hours a day and has lost about 25 lbs in the last few months. He's delighted with the weight loss and says it's because he's trying, but he isn't. If I fix a plate for him, with the amount I know he'll finish, he demands I add more, then doesn't eat it. He's always been a big eater but not anymore. This is a man who is proud of having an enlarged heart because "bigger is better". He argues that when his blood sugar falls it's great, because it will help his A1C average. His denial of his health problems is a steadfast, strong and lifelong thing.


His last Dr. appointment was good. The Dr. pushed him to better control his his blood sugar, but that was about it. He mentioned that his cholesterol medicine was working well and said his blood work looked good, for him. I mentioned his excessive sleeping and weight loss and he says it was probably just the diabetes. He didn't seem concerned at all. However, he's still losing weight.


DH has severe heart disease, non-alcoholic cirrhosis of the liver, kidney failure that fluctuates between stage 2 and 3, type 2 diabetes that has claimed several toes and mild memory problems. I suspect that he has mild to moderate depression but he absolutely will not mention that to the doctor and denies it heatedly if I try to talk to him about it. So there are any number of things to point a finger at. I'm just wondering if anyone has any experience with FTT. What I can find online isn't very definitive. I'd love to rule it out.

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They go by the numbers. Even if you object to a particular activity, if the numbers overall look good they seem ok with it.

You don’t have to check his sugar daily. The A1C tells the doctor better than daily readings.

There are less obvious numbers they look at too. My moms doc told me he can tell whether she’s eating enough, should say getting enough nutrients by looking at 2 different values.

Why look for trouble? Now if your husband complained, it might be different.

Not only that, insurance companies dictate treatment plans. Some times the doctors hands are tied until you’re seen for a differently labeled visit.

charlotte
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Ith you are not happy with his PCP, I would look for a physician who specializes in geriatrics.
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Doctor is slowly trying to "pass him off on someone else" You may be surprised, this happens a lot in many hospitals. Some PCP can use the patient being a resident of an AL or NH using their physicians for care. The PCP can then pass the patient off to the NH or AL doctor.
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IMHO, he may need a better physician. Don't wait till his diabetes worsens.
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Sounds like he needs a new doctor. Yes, the weight loss can be related to problems with his blood sugar. It could also be a sign of cancer. Your husband needs some medical tests, unless he is just content to die.
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He is not in his right mind (completely). I would address his mental state, which is very hard to do because of HHPA laws we are not allowed to speak to their physicians and give our insight. Which is so stupid when are dealing with someone who is unable to grasp reality.
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Bosschick Jan 2020
Hi Arline,
Just a quick clarification from someone in the medical field. HIPPA law prevents a healthcare professional from talking with you about a patient without the patient's permission. However, you are free to talk with the healthcare professional about your concerns at any time. In fact, well intended and informative feedback from caring family members is welcomed by any good professional. They will take your input under consideration and may work it into their treatment plan; they just can't give you feedback in return unless the patient says it's ok to do so. Hope that helps!
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I know that folks with kidney failure and liver failure tend to sleep more and eat less. His confusion may not be dementia but the toxins building up since his liver and kidneys don't function well. You will know this better with lab work for those specific functions. Do you keep track of his blood sugar? If so, you'll know if his diabetes is under control or not. May I suggest seeing another doctor for a second opinion. Otherwise, please push your doctor or his nurse to talk to you about creating a plan of care that addresses all your husband's health issues. Also, ask him/her/them what to expect in the future.
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I am in almost the same situation The man I care for hasn't eaten solid food in a month and I mean nothing just drinks gingerale and water He has lost a good 40 lbs and now is so weak he can't transfer from the bed to his wheelchair I am at the end of my rope hospice has turned him down twice because his labs look good to them I am 64 with a bad back and can not handle his care on my own If you figure a way to convince a Dr that there is such a thing as falure to thrive please let us know so far all mI get is that he is in a deep depression and thjey don't treat thatwith home health or hospice
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Have you spoken with his primary care physician as well as scheduling an appointment for an examination? If it really is failure to thrive, it may be time for a hospice evaluation as well.
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He could have infection... get a blood test asap. Regarding doctor's lack of concern... we had that with my husband, who also complained about abdominal pain, which was dismissed. He kept going down, with weight loss, fatigue & withdrawal and ultimately the doctor authorized hospice. He was nearly dead and I did not know why he was dying but he clearly was... So I found another doctor. The new doctor was programmed to keep her patients alive... ordered a CT, ordered us to ER, and said my husband had a reparable condition or would die soon... We opted for the repair, which was last May, and now it's a new year and he's alive and today is our 30th anniversary. My advice... if the advice your are receiving isn't adequate, Question Authority!
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Ok my Mother started losing weight but then her sugar ran high it placed her in the hospital for 3 weeks now can't walk on her own been 2 more months I am with her around the clock moved in first do not give up get help pray get some help you can only do so much do not get upset that no good for you. You take care of you also.
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I also would be concerned about the Doctors failure to take this seriously.
How much weight has your husband lost from one appointment to the other? And how far apart were the appointments? And is he retaining muscle mass and tone? If not that is another concern. If the 25 pound weight loss occurred between 1 appointment and another I can not see how a doctor would not be concerned about that if the appointments are 6 months apart as many seem to be.
Does he see more than 1 doctor? If so I would bring this up with another doctor and see if they accept your concerns or not. I would not let this drop keep pushing for a proper diagnosis.
Depression is probable and should not be brushed off. This might be something that you bring up to the doctor maybe without your husband present. Do you have access to the Patient Portals so that you can communicate with the doctor before the appointments?
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I have a thought. There is a med, Remeron, which is both an appetite stimulant and an antidepressant. Can you suggest that to doc, given for its appetite stimulating properties?
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One definition of Failure to thrive, whether geriatric or otherwise, is a condition where the person’s organs specifically GI tract are not absorbing the required nutrients. Because of this, the body gets no calories through food and begins to break down muscle for energy This leads to a host of different adverse symptoms.
Cirrhosis can contribute to this. The liver is a vital organ for so many functions- glucose metabolism in storing glucagon (usable glucose) as well as clearing toxins from the blood. I suspect his cirrhosis is causing many of his symptoms.
You can ask his doctor for a medication to increase his appetite (offhand I can’t remember the name of the med). It is prescribed for only a month or two to stimulate appetite as the medication is a steroid base which does increase appetite. But steroids may be contraindicated due to his other co-morbid conditions.
We don’t know his prognosis or how long he has had liver disease so it’s hard to assume anything.
Also from your post it sounds like he has been playing Russian roulette with his health for some time.
His body can be responding to years of abuse.
Failure to thrive can also be atttibuted to attitude as well. When someone just gives up on life due to despair or depression his/her will to live fades
and the person just doesn’t want to eat thinking it’s pointless.
Good luck to both of you!
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disgustedtoo Jan 2020
"...medication to increase his appetite (offhand I can’t remember the name of the med)" No idea what it is for people, but likely the same - for my cats it is Mirtazapine. Quick lookup indicates this is also/mainly an antidepressant, but I can say that the first time I used it for one cat, she couldn't get enough food!

"Remeron (mirtazapine), which belongs to a class of drugs known as tetracyclic antidepressants, can treat depression by moderating the levels of neurotransmitters in the brain. ... The drug has also been prescribed as an appetite stimulant. (One of its most common side effects is weight gain.)"

As with ANY medication, discuss with doc and even better, the pharmacist. There can be interactions with other medications/alcohol, counter-indications with some medical conditions, and of course, side-effects.
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Thanks chdottir. Yes, I've got all the necessary paperwork. I'm under no illusion that this will be easy. I have to walk a tightrope with doctors and DH. If they are too assertive with him then he refuses to go back. That means that everyone we see, both his GP and specialists, is pretty milquetoast. If there is a particular problem, I have to be a pushy spouse to get them to do much more than just renew his prescriptions, order routine blood work and see him for 30 minutes every 3 to 6 months.
I struggle to keep in mind that he is an adult and that somewhere, under all that denial, he knows the consequences of his actions or rather lack of action. My goal, at this point, is to just keep the car between the ditches, for as long as I can.
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I think the doctor's lack of concern about the excessive sleep and weight loss is worrisome. "Just the diabetes" - does that mean he thinks if you husband controls is blood sugar that this will resolve. It seems a glib and incomplete answer.

But whatever the problem is, it sounds like your husband is not going to make any necessary changes or pursue other possible problems. I am sorry you are in a tough spot.

Hopefully you have HIPPA releases so you can talk to his doctor, now and in the future. Do you have DPOA and MPOA. It sounds like you are going to need them.

Very best wishes as you try to deal with this!!
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