Anyone have issues hiring regular Respite Care Caregivers who actually do anything to help other than sit there?

FWIW the facility where my sister works has staff that are supposed to work 1 on 1 with problematic residents and most of them do the same thing 🙄.
Unless there is a significantly lower rate for "respite care" I would ditch that and go with something more specific - for example bath care, or whatever it is your mom need help with.

when we needed a CG for dad,( mom was in a local rehab) the first one was a middle aged guy,, he took dad to see Mom, and here at the house he watched TV with him, but other than that he was on the computer ( looking for another job it turns out.. LOL) When we needed another once Mom came home, to "keep dad busy" so Mom could get things done, we used the same agency,, and boy what a difference in this lady! We actually thought about hiring her away from the agency as our own personal "Alice from the Brady Bunch".. but it was cost prohibitive as to the agency penalty.. She help Dad busy,, walks and projects,, kept Mom company too,, always looking for things to do and wanted to cook ( mom still liked to do that,, so no go therr but she always brought treats she baked.. ) and she tidied up . So maybe we just got lucky,, or you are unlucky! The agency was great about keeping in touch.

You are referring to the one's that come to the home for respite, lol, they are worthless.

About a month ago, I bought one of those Traeger Timberline grill/smokers. Had not even used it yet, put it through the initial heat cycle, thats it. Came home from work, Sat before tax season ended, exhausted and the worker was bbqing ribs and sides for her family started it at her 8 am shift and slow cooked it all day. I was so angry. Made dinner, on stove and she told me her client preferred to "be served at 6:30 pm." I was livid. The normal lady just steals Keurig, tp and paper towel. Thats only the last month.

The agencies lie and if you complain too much, they will say you are difficult and wont send staff. Pick your battles and get a housekeeper to help mom with chores.

As others posted, it really does depend on who is sent out. I have had good caregivers for my mom and some that were completely useless.

It seems like complaining to management hasn’t helped you very much. That’s a shame.

I think it is useful to complain if the organization is managed well. A good manager wants to know of any issues that arise and resolves them. A poor manager simply won’t care and will do nothing to fix the issue.

By complaining with an organization that cares, not only will your problem be resolved but you will be doing others a service by preventing that agency to send a caregiver that isn’t following procedures to future clients.

For me, personally, I want to be fair and give people a chance to correct a problem. If someone squares any issues, I let it go. If issues continue, then there is a bigger problem and I would bid farewell to them.

It also depends on finances. Some people can afford to pay a private caregiver for their services and they write up a specific contract. This should be prepared legally. I would not ever pay someone under the table like some do. That isn’t good for a variety of reasons. Consider everything. With an agency, if one caregiver can’t show up, they will send out a replacement.

You could consider paying for a housekeeper and separate caregiver for specific needs if your budget allows for this.

I had a caregiver that wanted to help me when she was finished with helping mom. It was very sweet of her but I told her that I didn’t expect her to do extra. I happened to be mopping my kitchen at the time and she offered to do it. Her organization specifically told me that she was only required to tidy up my mom’s room and care for mom’s needs, bathing her, helping her dress, preparing a light meal or snack. I cook so I never asked her to cook but she did serve mom her meal. Mom enjoyed when her caregiver shared a meal, a cup of coffee and a snack with her. I always made extra food for the caregiver to have a meal too.

I do hope that you are able to find suitable help soon. Wishing you all the best for you and your parents.

Well. There is a major communication problem.

Your mother is communicating her wants to the agency. The agency is communicating those in the form of tasks within the support plan to its workers. The workers... are not hearing, not complying, not agreeing..?

Your mother reports the failure to the agency. The agency hears the report and promises to act on it. And then..?

But I am also interested in "picture the scene." Worker arrives, briefed via the support plan which s/he should get in skeleton form with the day's rota, and then in more detail on the client's premises. Yes so far?

So this particular Wednesday, mother greets the worker and says: "today Mr Client would like to shower and shave. He would like oatmeal for his breakfast. I will give his medications. Once he is dressed and settled in his riser recliner he will probably need a nap, so if you could then help me change the bedsheets that would be much appreciated."

And the worker responds by..?

What should happen is that the worker first Reads The Support Plan. I personally take a blank Daily Records sheet and bullet point the support plan directly onto it, but that's because I do love a checklist. Last Sunday morning this led to my marching into the client's bedroom and demanding (kindly, not fiercely) to know why the client's wife was stripping his bed without assistance - "It says here," I said, tapping the folder with my pen and looking at her over my glasses - but the rule is that if she's happy, you're happy and she'd pretty much finished the job.

Anyway. So, worker reads Support Plan. Has your mother read it? What does it say?

Let's assume it says something like: "if time allows, please support domestic tasks including laundry, garbage disposal and tidying client's living areas e.g. bedroom, bathroom, day room."

So the worker knows this, and your mother knows this, and your mother comes into the room after an hour or so and finds your Dad asleep in his chair and the worker engaged in online training on her laptop. And your mother says..?

Now. I am only guessing. But my guess is that your mother finds it much easier to do the tasks herself than to say "Oi Mush!" to a strapping lass with a sulky expression, and possibly also finds it preferable to put her own dishes away than to leave this job to said strapping lass with the ham-fisted approach to porcelain.

There is an awkward phase during which workers coming in to the home seem to cause more trouble than they save. The first time you visit a person's home, you don't even know where the light switch is, let alone how they like their coffee, how dark they like their toast, whether they tuck their t-shirt in or prefer it hanging out; whether they store their mugs on their rims or their bottoms. I got my head bitten off for picking up and folding a damp towel - "I WISH you wouldn't do that!" snapped the client. I froze and delicately attempted to put the towel back exactly as she'd left it on the bathroom floor, then realised it must look as if I was taking the mickey and blushed - there is no winning with some people.

Now. There is no reason on earth why your poor mother should be expected to be a trainer in household management, and at this most stressful time in her life also find the energy and patience to engage with workers in teaching them their job. But that, to a greater or lesser extent depending on the individual worker's attitude and life skills, is the trick of it.

So, now then, hand on heart, do you think your mother is communicating directly and openly with the people who are actually standing in her house?

We have been using an agency recently - for several reasons. The first was that we needed 24/7 care while the entire family was out of town for my nephew's wedding. That went well. They had no choice but to see to FIL's every need 24/7 because there was no one else to do it. Of course they only did what he asked for or we explicitly asked for(we left a notebook full of daily instructions) and there were some gaps from what SIL usually does when she is home - but they don't live there and couldn't anticipate everything but we couldn't complain.
What we didn't realize at the time because they had just started with the 3x a week as the bath aides at the same time - was that FIL was not allowing them to come into the bathroom with him. WTH? They weren't going in with him because he said he didn't need them. They aren't really 'allowed' to do more than the client or the client's proxy directly ask/tell them they need done? (apparently, we had no idea) So we fixed that really quick. FIL injured himself getting into the bath and we put our foot (feet? LOL) down immediately and said that they would be in the bathroom with him at all times and gave them a list of things that HE needed their assistance with before, during and after the bath. Ever since then, those things have been occurring. He didn't want them in the bathroom, he was embarrassed, but what was the point of having bath aides that weren't assisting him to bathe?
I don't know about other agencies, but at least with this particular group, as long as we tell them exactly what tasks we need done, they are doing it. If we don't give them specific tasks, they will sit and keep him company or wait on instructions.

I am so sorry you are going through all that. We were lucky when we needed to hire a caregiver for my stepdad because it was too much for mom. We found a jewel in a woman who cleaned and took care of my stepdad. My stepdad died in 2017 and my mom came to live with us. Fast forward to 2020 and we were lucky that this same woman was available for work and we hired her and pay her as an employee. She cleans and takes care of my mom while I work. We also have a very responsible young adult who is a CNA come out as well since the other one can’t work on certain days. All in all with doing in as private pay we come out ahead of what the agencies charge. Plus our employee gets paid better hourly rate than the agencies give them. But I know that’s not always the case. We have used Senior Helpers in the past and Homestead Assistance. They were both good agencies but I don’t know if they are nationwide. I know this is hard but there are some good caregivers out there.

Fir starters, if you want good help that will work and knows what to take care of without being told, hire private help. Use a care finder website, interview a few people and check their references. Then negotiate the pay.
I've been an in-home senior caregiver for almost 25 years. I stopped working for agencies and went private cases only a long time ago.
You're not going to get experienced caregivers who know how to handle this kind of work from some agency paying minimum wage. Also, agencies lie to their caregivers. I know this from experience. Pretty much every case a homecare aide gets sent to is described as living in an immaculately clean house for some sweet, little old lady and all you have to do is have tea with her. Or some cool old-timer who just wants someone to watch a ballgame with. That's what agency help gets told. That's never what it actually is. Homecare agencies will pretty much hire anyone too. What they collect in payment is not what the worker gets. The caregiver usually gets minimum with no benefits. Clients aren't going to get much from that worker. Hire privately. If you're paying out-of-pocket for agency help, pay that to a private caregiver and you'll get good results.

Maybe Mom would be better hiring someone privately. She may need to take out taxes and SS but she will have more control over who she hires. Sounds to me these agencies are hiring students. Are they Certified Nurses Aides? Hiring privately she makes the rules. She interviews telling them exactly what she wants.

Oh dear! Some folks (particularly those with no medical background) equate the words "respite care" with palliative care for the patient - so they provide mostly companionship (although if they doing their homework, they are not even supplying companionship). Maybe removing the word "respite" from the job description might help a bit.
I was lucky to be able to hire a trained CNA for my Mom and she was wonderful!! Cooked for Mom, served lunch, took her for walks and rides... varnished my kitchen cabinets ( in spite of my protestations). As I said I was lucky and this woman had the work ethnic of a saint.

There are lots of reasons to go with agency personnel including the ease of payment, the coverage for liability and the fact that the agency will at least attempt to get a replacement if the caregiver has an unplanned emergency. However, as been pointed out they tend to hire at min wage (which isn't going to get you a lot these days when Amazon is paying 18 an hour) so the caregiver may only see $12 of the $20/hr you pay the agency. Sounds like the agencies you have dealt with are hiring students to be bad adult babysitters and that is not what you want.

If you have tried 4-5 agencies, perhaps it is time to try, as has been suggested, a private duty person from one of the care site on the internet. There is a person who posts here who works private duty and I am sure she can give you the names of some reputable sites.

I wish you and your family luck and peace on this journey.

The first time I hired private care for my mother, I caught them playing a game on their phone with their feet up on her coffee table. Why? Because I was at work and the first few days of it I decided I'd drop by unannounced. "You look comfortable," I said as I walked in. I called the company and told them the caregiver, and the company as a whole, were fired.

But not before I asked the person, and the company, why it was this way. "Well she was asleep and..." the person said. This was before I pointed to the sink full of dishes they could have put in the dishwasher. I asked for a refund of services, which I got, so that I could be paid to load the dishwasher.

I've found it takes several tries, and time we don't have, to find a caregiver that "clicks" and gets along with our elders. We eventually found one that actually went on to become a family friend, but not without moments of great anxiety and angst. She went on to get a different job otherwise I'd call upon her again. Some people love this kind of work. Some people need it to pay their bills. It takes time before you find the former, and go thru hell dealing with the latter.

Agree with others, to hire privately. Ask friends and family first.
Best wishes.

One its not respite care, that is when you need a total work while you go away and take a complete break. We had great helpers with my mom and the worst helpers with mom. If mom slept I did not care what they did as long as mom was fed, cleaned and her needs were taken care of dishes were cleaned and they cleaned up after themselves. We hired a cleaning company for two times a month. I did laundry because I knew somewhere in that unfinished basement lurked a large black snake. No one believed me until my son was visiting my parents and I was downstairs heading to the chair lift with a load of wash and saw him on a box by the lift. My son took the snake out. After that I allowed them to do laundry. My mom has passed and now my care for dad. I have done it all since covid started. I now want to get away for a long weekend in August. I have decided when I call to set up care I want a CNA for dad (he is 270 lbs) Dad needs help getting from wheelchair to lift and vise versa. Everything else is easy. Dad’s mind is sharp. When I hire someone I want someone experienced not a new hire off the street, a person to cook easy meals. Assist dad if needed to stand and use the urinal(he rarely needs help with that but does if his bowels give way). I make sure there are disposable pads on his chair in case that happens. Easy clean up, Like the original poster from what I saw with my moms care I am concerned if I will get a good reliable person.

A sitter does NO hands on care.
A certified nurse's assistant (CNA) does hands-on care.
There is a difference, and hiring a CNA costs a lot more because they do a lot more.

If you hire someone off the street, realize the liability if they claim to get injured in your home they can sue your estate. If they earn a certain amount you become their legal employer and you are responsible for their taxes "Nanny Tax".
Read more about the Nanny Tax here: https://www.investopedia.com/terms/n/nanny-tax.asp

Be aware some companies like "Granny Nannies" do not insure their workers, and they also do not take out their worker's taxes. That is why they cost a lot less.

Whatever agency used, MAKE CERTAIN and see it in WRITING the workers are covered by Workman's Compensation.

Here is an example where Granny Nannies was sued as one of their caregivers allegedly bilked $140,000 from a 92 year old.
https://www.businesstrialgroup.com/news/btg-sues-granny-nannies/

Around the clock care is VERY expensive. That is why Medicaid only pays for nursing homes; they average about $85,000 to $95,000 a year per patient for all their services, and that is a LOT cheaper than home care.

This problem is why I really insisted that my in-laws move to assisted living facility. They were both still ambulatory but she had ALZ dementia and he was showing signs of vascular dementia. They needed supervision and help in the house since they were no longer cooking or really doing any household tasks. My husband's sisters wanted them to have in home caregivers since they said it would "kill them" to move. They needed 24 hour supervision at that point, not really hands on care. My DH and I lived near my in-laws, their other 2 children lived in California (we are in IL). I offered to find them the names of agencies they could hire but indicated that I would not do any supervision of the agencies nor would I step in when they did not show up. I advised that they could install cameras to monitor what we happening. They did not pursue this of course. As a retired nurse, I am well aware of the issues involved in hiring and monitoring home care providers and I know I was not willing to do that, especially since my inlaws fortunately had the means to pay for a facility.

Please try independant workers. Agencies are horrible. They charge an arm and a leg and pay very poorly. Turn over is extensive.
I have been for over 10 years and have helped with 7 families.
Ditch the agencies and interview people on your own
Gold luck

🙏...Your Mom may need time to relax,recharge and release.😌
I know what it's like hiring someone to come take care of your loved one. I've hired private and through agencies.
Good experience all around thank God.
I shared with the CG that there is a surveillance camera in the house and left a checklist to complete. I was successful with this method.
I now own a on call companion and funeral design service to meet the needs of Loneliness and home going preparation.
The last stages of life should be full of Fun not stressing out all the time. However we can make if happen within the scope of what's in front of us.
We review the contract and if that's not the services needed life moves on.😇

Pray about everything and rejoice in all things.

Youll find that person that fits your needs.

Life really is short.

Love in Christ..👑

Obviously the agencies you have dealt with are offering inadequate staff for your parents needs. Do you need "skilled" care or housekeeping? Its not task effective to mix the two and as you've observed from those previously hired, not well received. Does your father require lifting, or other tasks that would necessitate the employee be insured by the agency? You might consider a "molly maid" or placing an ad for a college student coming in a couple of days a week for helping your mom with domestic duties. In any event, make sure any valuables are in your possession prior to these people coming in/out of your parents home. It is a sad fact that people brought in under the guise to help will sometimes steal from the vulnerable. Advise her to keep her purse and your father's wallet stowed away out of sight or in a locked cabinet. Cherished mementos can be long gone and irretrievable by the time they're missed.

if your parents attend a church I would start there for good help, ask if they have a program for what your mom needs. I would also ask friends if they no of anyone.

sounds like your mom needs a caregiver, not respite care. they do background checks and you can even do payroll through them. You will need to invest some time interviewing the candidate and contacting their referrals.
Its important to share what your expectations are right up front.

also, if you have a college near by that has a nursing program you maybe able to hire a student to help, check with the college to see if they have a program like that.

best of luck and prayers for you and your family as you struggle to find the right fit.

btw, where do your parents live?

Most agencies have a variety of levels of care taking. The more hands-on help needed, the higher the hourly fee. The basic and least expensive level is "companionship," which really just asks the care giver to be in the house. Some individuals will be more engaged or more energetic than others, but most are not.

If you want more hands-on physical or medical care, you might need a CNA or even a nurse. You will pay quite a bit more.for these services.

You are definitely talking to the wrong Service. Not one I know of would allow that kind of "help" in their employees.

Have you tried putting your parents into respite care at a local Assisted Living/Senior facility. I know many of them offer a week or sometimes more care. It not only gives them a chance to see what these facilities are like, but actually gives you and your mother a complete break from caring for them. You can arrange for them both to have care together. They will also be included in the activities and meals with other residents. That would provide a form of interaction that they don't have in their own home, but Might prove helpful.

If that is not a possibility - Keep looking, There are services that do provide what you need for help. Perhaps what you really need is to hire a good housekeeping service to take care of the chores that are becoming too much for Mom.

Good luck and God Bless.

It breaks my heart, to hear that these “caregivers” (hello people, the word “CARE” is in your title) would do nothing but their own stuff.

Unbelievable!! As a professional caregiver myself, what you have experienced, is appalling!!

Your lists, are standard ADL’s (Activities of Daily Living).

Do you have a company called “Home Care Assistance” in your area. That’s who I work for. Try them?

If they lived in your area, I would be over, in a heartbeat!!

I have no answers, other than keep trying other companies & fire the “caregivers” that don’t do anything.

Best of luck.

We have 24/7 care for my parents. We have a couple of awesome caregivers and some that do as little as possible and cannot cook. My sister has had many conversations with the agency about expectations. Unfortunately, none of us live nearby since they reside in an area that is prohibitavely expensive. My observation while I visit is that many are on their cell phones, while others work harder at meal prep, laundry, etc. My parents are difficult, it sounds like your mom is nice. Because dementia is part of our equation, we can't do anything less than 24/7 care.

Does your mom need help with care activities for your dad? Showering, toileting, etc? If not, what about hiring a housekeeper that does laundry and cleans the house? Maybe shorten the shift for caregiver needs?

I'm doing a 4 hour caregiver shift (which is not an agency) this summer. My duties are specified; meals, laundry, bed-making, showering assistance, housekeeping, etc. I teach so I'm off during the summer which is why I'm caregiving right now.

Not sure if this helps, but your frustrations are felt by many. You're not alone. My sister keeps insisting that the caregivers do their job. The agency finally sent one of their best, which was wonderful. My dad was happier when the food improved.

We hired our caregiver. you can post a job description and interview candidates for your parents. It works out for us.
Good luck.

Sounds like you would be better off hiring a maid once a week and hire a individual Caregiver instead of going thru a company as you pay a lot going thru a Company and they just pay a little over minimum wage to the Caregiver.
You might even order lunch or Dinner a few times a week.

Start buying microwaveable meals, easy to fix and not much clean up.

Order groceries delivered.

Mare sure when you have a Caregiver there, at least once a week treat yourself, take a nice soak in the tub, go out to eat with a friend, get a massage, get a manicure or pedi

RESPITE CARE MEANS THAT THE MAIN CAREGIVER NEEDS A BREAK FROM ALL THAT SHE HAS TO DO...JUST SO SHE CAN LIE DOWN AND TAKE A NAP OR SHE CAN GO SHOPPING OR GO GET HER HAIR CUT AND STYLED. MEANWHILE, THE PAID CAREGIVER IS SUPPOSED TO STEP IN AND DO THE ROUTINE LIST OF LIGHT CHORES THAT THE SPOUSE WOULD HAVE DONE.
RUN THE VACUUM THE CARPET IN ALL THE ROOMS THAT ARE BEING USED, MAYBE WET MOP THE KITCHEN AND BATHROOM FLOORS, CLEAN THE BATHROOM SINK AND SWISH THE TOILET BOWL WITH THE BRUSH, WASH ANY DIRTY DISHES LEFT FROM THE PREVIOUS MEAL, CHECK ON THE PATIENT EVERY HOUR, OFFER THEM SOMETHING TO DRINK, OR MAYBE FIX THEM A SNACK, ASSIST THEM WITH THEIR FOOD, ASSIST THEM, IF NEEDED, TO THE BATHROOM, WASH THEIR BACK BECAUSE OLD PEOPLE ARE NOT ABLE TO DO THAT.
IF THE RESPITE CARE PEOPLE ARE NOT DOING ANYTHING BUT SITTING, THEY NEED TO BE WARNED PERSONALLY THAT THEY WILL BE FIRED FOR NOT COMPLYING.
YOU NEED TO COMPLAIN TO THE INSURANCE PROVIDER, IF HER MEDICAID OR MEDICARE IS HELPING TO PAY FOR THIS SERVICE. IF YOU ARE A PRIVATE PAY FOR THE CAREGIVER SERVICE, THEN CHECK ON CHRISTIAN CAREGIVER SERVICES.

I wish I knew the answers but you are most likely right. I live in assisted living and while I am l00% high functioning and the care of myself completely (I can't walk), some aides are wonderful but quite a few (too many) don't want to do a darn thing and are annoyed if they are put in a position where they have to do something. They don't even speak to say hello - nothing. It is a problem with many caretakers and I wish I knew the answer. You must make it very, very clear when they are initially interviewed and hired the they will have xyzy duties and they will have to tend to them. Then you have the basis for making them do their jobs. You might also draw up some kind of agreement and have them sign it. And just keep looking - sooner or later you might be lucky.

I am a caregiver for a local senior caregiver company and this does not sound right.
The first priority is the client, greeting them, feeding them, doing some laundry, cleaning up after making them their meal. If the floor needs swept that is part of the job, some vacuuming if needed, wipe down counters, wash, and put away dishes. Play cards, puzzles, take groc shopping, or for short ride to just get out. Mostly to be a companion to the person being hired for. If working a night shift some allow you to sleep and check up on client, or not, in that case might be acceptible to bring a book if accepted to stay awake while client is sleeping. Taking short walks, in neighborhood or backyard is something to do with person. making sure they have a snack and meal from when you leave, and date food. Sometimes clean out the fridge of old leftovers. Caregivers should not be bringing over homework, other clients work, be on the phone for long period of time, in fact only if absolutely necessary. I can't believe you are having trouble with so many of the Caregivers. The women i work with are loyal, dedicated, and willing to go the extra mile, they really spend time trying to improve the clients day. Maybe tell your mom to make it clear what she needs done, to leave for a break or errands. Sorry you are having a bad time. Please don't let this go on much longer. Bonnie

I have always had the best luck asking everyone if they can recommend someone. This includes neighbors, family doctor’s staff, clerks who always do a good job in stores, people you know at work, church members... I think you are better off asking staff rather than professionals. Any one who has a good work ethic is a good bet to know others. It is a hard problem. But ask anyone you can think of. Just pay attention to enthusiastic recommendations. If there is a support group in your area for caretaking family members, they will have dealt with this. And, sadly, good people become available frequently. It is the nature of the work for a good job to end.

Visiting angels managers are very knowledgeable in all areas of elderly care.