My mom has been a widow for 5 years. She is active during the week, but weekends are hard. My sister is no help and I don't have any other family near by. My mom feels lonely since most of her family lives far away and all she has near by is me and my sister. I am still working and I have house chores and errands to do on weekends. How do I balance her needs with mine? She would fill my whole weekend if I let her. I love my mom, but I need some time to take care of my own stuff.
Of course you need time to do your own stuff whether it be errands, housework, or just doing nothing. You're allowed to have time to do your own stuff.
Encourage your mom to join in on the activities. Maybe go with her once or twice to help ease her into it.
What are your mom's needs? She's living independently so I'm thinking it's loneliness? You can't be responsible for meeting your mom's needs. It's not healthy for her and it wouldn't be healthy for you. During the time while your mom is still independent (because she won't be independent forever) take care of what you need to take care of. If you can stop by your mom's place for a brief visit then do so. If you can't tell her when you will be able to stop by.
Don't take on the responsibility of being your mom's entertainment. This board is full of adult children who have found themselves in that role and it's very difficult to live like that. It sets a precedent and then before you know it you have no life of your own anymore.
And don't feel guilty for tending to your own life.
My Dad recently moved to Independent Living and he's not use doing things on his own... my late Mom was always directing him to do this or that when they lived at home.... and my Dad would call me to see what were my plans for the afternoon.
Sorry, I just can't be Julie McCoy, Cruise Director.... so I tell Dad I have housework to do or I have to go back to work as we are busy. I want Dad to make his own entertainment. He doesn't mind being alone, and he does have one couple who he sits with at dinner time in the main dining room, so that's good.
In my Dad's Independent Living center, I see women sitting on their own with no one to talk to, so I tell Dad he might want to go out to the main living room and just sit and talk to someone. It doesn't have to be for long, just start with a hello and ask the person if they are from around here. You never know, they could be from his old home town or lived somewhere where he and Mom use to live.
Years ago I used to spend weekends not only gardening, but also the usual cleaning rigamarole. These days, cleaning gets spread out over time; I don't spend a whole day on it under any circumstances. If my father were to die tomorrow, I wouldn't want to think I wasted a day spending time with the dustcloth and the vacuum cleaner rather than him. I don't want to regret putting boring household chores above my relationship with my only living parent.
But I also feel the same way about my other relatives; they're more important than household chores, which are always going to be there.
It may be that time with your mother isn't necessarily just the two of you, but more of your helping her transition and find a place for herself in IL.
It may also be that you can arrange to have the nonparticipatory members call her on weekends. Or can you arrange with some of her friends, if they're physically able, to either go over to visit or at least call her?
You can facilitate activity without having to go to the IL place yourself.