I’d like to know if anyone has experienced this, or if you know what may be causing it. Any ideas appreciated!
My 79 year old mother-in-law lives with my husband and I. She fell a few years ago, was afraid to fall again so she hardly moved around, became too weak to care for herself and that led to her becoming bedridden. She’s been entirely bedridden for almost 3 years. She basically watches TV all day (and night) and people come in and out to care for her. She is still very sharp, no signs of dementia at all.
We have home hospice that comes in to check on her and visit with her. They occasionally have chaplains, social workers, and volunteers come in to visit with her, as well (which she enjoys). In addition to that, a woman close to her age comes in daily to visit, and watches Jeopardy with her. Not to mention my husband that cares for her in the evening and my brother-in-law that comes in several times a week to help (and give us a break). So my point is, she gets plenty of visitors and socialization.
We have always kept a phone next to her for emergencies. She very rarely called anyone in the last 3 years (only if there was an issue with her TV) and still NEVER answers if anyone calls her.
Well about 3 weeks ago, she has started doing something totally strange that she has never done before. She takes the phone and calls at any time, day or night, asking us to check on her. The first time was about midnight, she called and asked us to come check on her. So we rushed in thinking it was an emergency yet she was totally fine, just watching TV. Said she didn’t need anything and that she was good (and she looked fine!). Yesterday, she even called my brother-in-law at 2 am (while we were home!). He called us to check on her and again she said she was okay and didn’t need anything.
She does it during the day too, while we’re at work. She even called us while one of the nurses was with her! We explained to her that the phone is only for emergencies, and she agrees to that and apologizes for calling in the night. But, she still does it.
At first we thought she was lonely or depressed (or wanted attention), but she gets so many visitors. We often make it a point to sit with her to catch up and reminisce. Then we wondered if it was medication, but she has not had any changes for several months (blood pressure meds, a mood pill, very small dose of morphine to help her breathing).
I was wondering if she was just nearing the end of her life, but nothing else has changed. This is the only thing that is noticeably different about her. She seems happy, relatively healthy, wants to go outside sometimes (which we do), asks about other things going on (weather, work, family, etc). So we’re completely stumped at this new behavior.
Again, she definitely still has her mind. We were told by her medical staff (only about a month ago) that she was still cognitive. They have not reported anything unusual to us, either.
Any thoughts?
If you visit a hospital geriatric ward at night you will probably see one or two beds in the corridoor. Dementia, delerium, anxiety.. these people have the need to see staff/other people to feel safe.
Tell the Doctor about this new symptom. Maybe something for anxiety will help?
And the person she has rung says: "what's your emergency?"
And she says...?
People who still have their mind, as you put it, are able to explain why they have done what they have just done even if it was a mistake such as confusion about the time of day, or an impulse they followed without thinking. An apology is nice (ish) but it is not an answer. What you want from her is the reason she has rung. If she can't provide it, the test of a month ago might want repeating.
Does she have any means of calling for help other than the phone? You could consider exchanging it for a 2-way baby monitor at night time and unplugging the phone meanwhile, for example.
It's probably too late to worry about it now but the history you describe is a puzzle. People in their mid seventies in their right mind don't fall for no reason, don't overreact by deciding they just won't move again, don't self-neglect to the point of immobility, and don't become electively bed-ridden. What led up to this?
If you insist she's cognitively intact, why not ASK the woman point blank why she's calling you at all hours to disrupt your work and sleep, when nothing is wrong and she needs nothing from you?? Tell her the phone will be removed if she keeps abusing it, and see what her reaction is. Go from there as to what you and her hospice team think is going on. Diagnostic tests won't be undertaken with hospice, but a urinalysis would likely be done.
Good luck
It is also very common for days and nights to get mixed up when there is no schedule and no activity to burn energy.
Perhaps you could tell her that if she phones inappropriately, you will take the phone away for a day. Give her time to think about it. Why not? How she reacts will at least give you some information about what's going on.