I’m a carer for my elderly mum with dementia but on top of this, my brother passed away in July over in Europe where he lived.
Naturally due to mums state, I’ve been liaising in regard to my brother.
Due to a disability (both physical and slight developmental), he was in a care home and had a state power of attorney. That power of attorney ceased once he passed.
Anyhow since then, I’ve been bombarded with his bills (everything being forwarded to my email). No message apart from “here’s overdue bills”.
I’m kinda annoyed about this as I’m already burnt out with Mum but even got a call from the local police to get a move on with stuff. I explained that I’m a carer for Mum and struggling as it is and that I’m trying to get to the bottom of things. The response was “that’s irrelevant, you need to do this by law, we don’t care about that”.
I’m so angry because I never asked for this responsibility, especially for someone who’s affairs I’ve known nothing about since he had state power of attorney and we’ve lived in different countries. I mean I loved my dear brother but have never been involved with anything relating to him. Looking through all the stuff being sent to me is like looking through a hay stack.
How do I ensure that I don’t become financially responsible for these and keep being bombarded?
The funeral home offered to get a lawyer to help me out with all the paperwork since I’m not there but I need to ensure if this is the case, that it comes out of my brothers money and not mine. I know looking at some of the information sent that my brother had some form of life insurance (not sure exactly what and what it covers). I’d hope this would also cover the lawyer. But my concern is if I organize a lawyer and my brother doesn’t happen to have enough money with all the bills fighting over money,.. then what will happen.
I mean as harsh as it sounds,.. what would they do if I had no contact with my brother? Surely the gov would need to just organize everything.
Im on a tight budget because I’m caring for Mum and I don’t get any financial support for this. I’m working from home to try support myself on top of caring, averaging 4-5h sleep.
I don’t mean to sound bitter as my brother was a lovely warm hearted person who I loved. Nonetheless, we had a 15yr difference and since I were a kid, his been in care home and different country.
For me, I feel my responsibility stops at organizing the cremation / burial together with Mum.
When the the bills have arrived, I’ve contacted the places to say they should close the account as the person has passed but I have not in any way indicated I’d be paying or assuming the responsibility.
how do I find out exactly what money my brother has without the lawyers help as I can’t afford to pay them? I feel like I need the lawyer to access that information but if it turns up fruitless, I’d like to not assume responsibility.
I know this may seem awful but as I said, while I loved him, I was barely in my brothers life and struggling as it is. Mum does not have money either and technically, I’m not sure I could even pay any of these with her money since she’s waiting to be assessed for capacity.
has anyone got any ideas? Do I need to worry?
To ease your fears, No you should not worry about paying for his bills. I don't know how it works in your country or your brother's country, but in the US, creditors try to go after the deceased estate (only a limited amount of time they can do this), for payment. If there are no assets to sell or money from the deceased available, they're out of luck and all debts would be written off.
Does he have any assets or money at all? If so, then the creditors could go after that to see how much they could recover.
If you didn't sign onto anything for your brother, or assume the position of his POA, I don't see how you could be responsible for his bills, unless the laws where you live recognize "filial responsibility"; and that doesn't generally apply to siblings anyway.
You say the local police (and I'm assuming you mean the police where your brother lived) called you and told you to "get a move on with stuff". What kind of stuff are they talking about? In the US, this would all be a civil matter, with the police not getting involved at all...I'm not sure why they would be calling you to be responsible for this. Did your brother list you as executor/executrix for his estate? If he did, it is within your right to refuse that responsibility. Or did the state POA who oversaw your brothers care and finances give up your information as a point of contact. Have you contacted that state POA to see if they can shed any light on this, primarily how these various places got YOUR contact information? That's the first place I would start.
If I were in your position here in the US, I would simply write "return to sender, refused" or "return to sender, no longer at this address" and send the mail back unopened. Anything that I accidentally opened, I would simply shred and ignore. I would NOT contact any of these places to even ask any questions. These are your brother's debts, and he had an interested party looking out on his behalf, so no need for YOU to start looking for solutions to problems that really have nothing to do with you. And I would imagine his POA would still have a fiduciary responsibility to any settle debts for services that were retained while your brother was still alive, regardless of the bill being mailed after he died.
Insofar as retaining a lawyer, I would wait until these entities contacted ME by lawyer, and then seek to retain one, especially if I was as sure as you are about not having signed off on any financial responsibility for your brother's medical/other debts. There's no reason to put yourself into unnecessary debt with lawyer fees if you don't have to at this point.
Good luck, and my condolences on your loss.
Yes the local police in Europe as there is a 3mth period in which everything must be sorted in regard to paperwork matters.
I don’t live in Europe myself, I live in Aus but I am dual citizen.
No brother had not listed me on anything as he had state power of attorney. It’s the state power of attorney office that keeps forwarding the bills to me saying it’s no longer up to them (that their work ceased upon his passing). They got my details from the police who initially spoke to me about his death. I did ask them for help and they just said it’s up to me to ring/contact each place and get them closed and spoke about things I must do. However how can one close them without paying. The bills should be going from his account/estate (I can’t recall the official term) but I don’t have the right to this. Normally the certificate is death is granted to the mother of the person after they seek this right from the births / marriages office. However, in this case mother is not capable as I’m looking after her. ie when my other brother passed 2019, Mum (then in ok health) had to seek a statement/death certificate from births / marriages and armed with that she was able to go to the local bank and have his bills paid from his account and close account. She was also able to use this same document to close things like phone etc. Brother was only on disability pension but as I mentioned, one of the paperwork mentioned life insurance.
I would not open any of the emails and put them on your spam block. If you get regular mail in his name, write on the unopened envelope "return to sender, nobody by that name at this address".
It sounds like a scam that the local police called you. They would know that there is nothing that can happen because you are in a different country.
i don’t think there’s anything they can do either but the bombarding is enough to stress me out and also if I ever visit my home country. The police kept saying “its law” so I’d hate to land in hot water if I ever visit my home country.
If you go to your home country, again, there's nothing they can do to get you in trouble. You and he were not connected in any way that matters to the law except by blood. I have an uncle somewhere 3,000+ miles from me. He never married, never had kids, and I'm his only living relation that I know of. I met him once when I was about nine years old. When he dies I'm not responsible for him or his affairs in any possible way. The same goes for you.