My mom has battled breast cancer 4 times. The last time it metasized to her brain. They were able to remove it and she had whole brain radiation. Her memory is horrible from the radiation and she has lost all mobility in her lower extremities. She seems a bit more confused and weaker lately. It's so hard to know if it's still the effects of the radiation developing or if the cancer has come back. She doesn't want to have an MRI. It has been 17 months since her brain surgery and they say radiation effects can show up over a 3 year period. But they also said most people with metastases to the brain only live 11 months or so on average. Anyone have experience with WBR or this type of cancer? I worry it's the cancer but she has already stated she is done with surgeries. That if it comes back that's it. She is 73. I don't blame her in that her quality of life has been destroyed from the radiation, but hard to know what's radiation caused and what could be cancer symptoms.
I completely support your boundaries with your children and grandma. I believe you are making the right decision there! But you are going to have to find a way to put her in a nursing home where she can get 24/7 care for her own good.
As far as Medicaid goes, it is government welfare, not an entitlement. You and your husband put her on your deed for one reason or another, and mistake or not, unless you can come up with paperwork proving that she is not 1/3 owner, you are gong to be responsible for AT LEAST the 1/3 value payback before she gets welfare (the former atty I spoke to said that as a Medicaid auditor, he would attach the entire property, but he admitted he had been very aggressive).
I would go ahead and get that payback ball rolling, get a home equity line for the amount of liability, and pay it back to her. Then move her out, and get the paperwork rolling for Medicaid. I imagine Hospice will be able to direct you to someone who has done this before, for a fee. That is the reality of this deed titling mistake.
For the rest of you, this is why you must have a good attorney to talk to about seemingly good ideas which may have unintended consequences down the road.
Look for alternative nutritional treatments to fortify her, in hopes it doesn't come back. Like, carrot juicing? Gives you something to do. Can't hurt.
Kind of like when the doctor writes a prescription and at least he feels better.
Hoping that both you and your Mom can feel better soon. Keep reminding yourself and her: she is cancer free. She is not dying of cancer, she is living with cancer, and is now cancer free.
Send me help, it is not cancer. She has transverse myelitis and the tumor made it worse. She gets an MRI every 6 months. She has been immobile for 13 years.
Sending you lots of hugs and support.