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My mom was a caregiver and she had been taking care of a lady for over 5 years. We became great friends with this lady. We had birthdays, Thanksgiving, and Christmas and her house for years. We didn't know she had family until about 6 to 8 months before she died. The only reason the family showed up is because they wanted to get whatever property, money and anything else they could get. The lady that was our friend never mentioned them in almost 5 years and when they did start coming around again she told my mom and I "I don't trust them, I don't want them in my house and I don't want them anywhere near me!" Sadly as we were dividing her property in a will she got a type of dementia. So as her notary i stopped because she wasn't in her right mind to sign anything. Two days before she died mu mom the caregiver called the half sisters caregiver to inform her that her lady was going to go in a few days and to have the half sister come say her goodbyes. The other caregiver was yelling at my mom so loud that 4 of use could hear her and ggd phone was up to my mom's ear. It got a lit worse after our friend died. They family filed false charges with adult protective services, sent threatening texts abd calls and stole from my mom. Well all the charges were dismissed without merit. However the stress for the false claims caused my mom to have a stroke and has her to afraid to go back to caregiving, and it damaged her reputation in our community. They also accused me of illegally notarizing legal documents after our lady got a type of dementia. Which was false for 2 reasons: 1 she had never been diagnosed with dementia and 2 nothing was notarized after she started showing signs of losing her mind. I want to have the 4 women that were so nasty to my mom charged with slander, deformation of character, theft of person property and pain and suffering from the stroke and loss of wages because my mom's to afraid to go back yon we work.

I’m sorry for your hurt in this. Proving the cause of a stroke is next to impossible, and tying it to a specific stress even more so. There are many lawyers who will take most any type of case, it may cost you dearly. Forgiveness and moving forward in peace may be far less costly
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Reply to Daughterof1930
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You can, but you are going to need help, by a well-paid attorney.
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Reply to mstrbill
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Finding an attorney to take on this case will be next to impossible as these type of cases have a very small chance of being won.

Might be time to move on and possibly your mother might need to change careers as well.
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Reply to MeDolly
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You need an attorney. If you lose, you may be required to pay the other person's legal fees as well as your own.
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Reply to Geaton777
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I so see Burnts side. There is such a fine line between caring and being professional. Nice you made sure she had a Christmas, birthday and Thanksgiving but thats where it should have maybe stopped. If she needed to draw up a Will then a lawyer should have been involved from the start. His notary should have notarized everything. I do see what you did as a conflict of interest.

So sorry that family members showed up with their hands out. This is what happens and unless you have lots of money, I don't think you will win.
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Reply to JoAnn29
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For starters the behavior of you and your mother was extremely unprofessional. Your mother had a job to do and that job does not involve spending holidays with the client or bringing her daughter by to notorize documents. As a notary myself, you should know better than to make a conflict of interest by notorizing documents for an elderly person that your mother works for. Just because there was no formal diagnosis of dementia, doesn't mean she didn't have it. You should not have been anywhere near any legal documents this woman had. It most certainly was not up to you or your mother to divide this person's personal property up either unless you had legal authority. This means one or both of you are POA, (either done by the client herself with a lawyer or court-appointed) or the client made a Will with a lawyer including the two of you.

I was a caregiver for 25 years and operate my own business now. There is such a thing as 'professional caring'. It's how a doctor, nurse, social worker, or therapists cares about their clients or patients. You're nor friends, family, or lovers.

You and your mother stepped over the line here though. It's easy to when an old person is alone and has no one, and you get close when you're spending hours and hours with them. You feel sorry for them, but it can get a caregiver into trouble, and it has.

If this woman who your mother cared for really did not want her family to inherit anything from her and didn't want them around, she would have taken care of this before she showed signs of dementia. Especially if she was on her own. Single people take care of this when they have dysfunctional family. When I wasn't married, I did not want my mother legally being my next-of-kin and she would have been if I didn't make other arrangements for myself. I did this in my 30's.

Don't get me wrong. I have no respect as in ZERO for deadbeat family members who do nothing for aging relatives yet come out of the woodwork like cockroaches to collect their inheritances.

No one is going to take your or your mother seriously about suing the client's family or APS because technically, the two of you are the ones who are wrong.

Your best bet is try to explain to the family that you both were only trying to help and could they please stop bad-mouthing your mom because she has to make a living.

Both of you learn from this experience.
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Reply to BurntCaregiver
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AlvaDeer Sep 18, 2024
You make excellent points. And to sue, these gals would have to prove HARM to selves or businesses. Something quite unlikely.
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I am sorry to say that you cannot "prove" under the necessary legal rules that there is any correlation between your mom's stroke and this families report to APS.

Any theft of personal property should have been reported the moment it happened in your local police station or sheriff office. If this was not done, and there is no proof, then it is too late.

The woman has died. Even were she to remain alive, she has likely some modicum of dementia, and could not have served as a witness for you.

It isn't unusual for a family to ride in on the cloak tails of the grim reapers to smell around for any hidden assets. APS takes reports as they come. There are privacy rules involved and they will make a final report that really says not much more than that the accusations either WERE or WERE NOT substantiated. So there will be little there to prove any he said, she said.

If you wish to see an attorney to reassure yourself there is no case here, go ahead. A lawyer letter to them may cause them to stop their unsubstantiated claims. But don't sink any money of your own into this. I doubt you would win.

It's time to move on and I am very sorry.
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Reply to AlvaDeer
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WiccanWays13, welcome to the forum. Just curious, who drew up the legal documents? If the lady had gone to an Attorney, then she should have used the Attorney's notary and the Attorney's witnesses. If the lady got the blank documents off of the internet, did she find these documents herself?


The items you were helping her divide up, sounds like this was her first and only to be Will? Was she planning on going to an Attorney, or did she have a blank Will?


What did the lady's relatives steal from your Mom? So sorry all this happened to you and your Mom.
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Reply to freqflyer
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