The 92 year old lady I live in care for from Monday 8:30 am until Thursday 8:30 pm and another gal does the other hours. The lady and her husband who has past already had worked hard and saved their money so they could die in their own home. There daughter has power of attorney and has had her non sign all of her rights away and taken over her money. She doesn’t hardly do anything for her mom as the other gal and I do it all and the clients son does all the grocery shopping. The daughter has decided that she just can’t handle this with her mom no longer and is saying she is putting her in a home. My client still has her head straight. Sometimes is slow at remembering things. She is almost all the way bed bound. Can her daughter make her go into a home?
A person can be competent to make decisions, have saved their funds for their future care & may wish to stay at home until the very end. It's a good plan - but not everything in life goes to plan. Not many things are completley within our control.
If a person has funds & is independant they may be able to arrange their needs their preferred way longer than most...
However, if dependant on others, their needs & wants do not override others' needs & wants.
Always be aware we walk in our own shoes, no others.
All care is valuable. People give in different ways: spending time, arranging finances, bringing gifts, doing hands-on tasks. Some give more that others. There can be very personal reasons why people give a lot, a little or have boundaries for self-protection.
Do you feel others have the right to judge you for your life choices?
I may sound harsh but I have been judged many times for not quitting my job to care for family members. Those 'judges' have no deep knowledge about the situation. Just have heard "I want.." from the person needing care. I hope you can look deeper.
Generally speaking a POA is designated in the event that a person is no longer competent to make decisions for themselves. And usually it takes a doctor(at least one, sometimes two) to make that decision. I mean I'm not naïve enough to say that there aren't situations where people don't con their relatives into signing away their rights - but that's going to take cahoots with a shady attorney too.
Is it possible that there are things going on that you aren't aware of? Is it possible that maybe she doesn't have as much money as you think she does? I'm not even sure why you know how much money she has - that's not typically a conversation I would be super comfortable with my loved one having with a non-family caregiver - but I guess I could see it coming up in conversation.
It is entirely possible that the cost of paying two full time, live in caregivers was becoming too expensive for her, and she didn't know how to tell you, so she threw her daughter under the bus and said she was sending her to a home. I'm not going to lie, that totally sounds like something my FIL would do rather than tell someone he liked that he had to let them go.
Your profile says you are caring for a "friend". I would be interested in the dynamics of your caregiving relationship - as it does seem to be quite a bit more personal than the typical paid caregiver relationship. Though you do say you are a live in caregiver, so I would assume that there would be a more personal element to that by it's nature.
As Beatty said, everyone wants to die in their own home. EVERYONE. Sometimes that's just not possible. Maybe she THINKS she has the money, but doesn't. There may be a lot of factors that you aren't aware of going on in the background that the daughter is managing more than just "deciding she can't handle this".
As far as whether she can put her into a NH, there are a lot of factors that will play into that. Money is just one factor. Often is far cheaper to find a reasonably priced NH than to pay a single caregiver much less two in home. That would make what money she does have last longer.
Beyond that, the type of care that is required - you mention that she is almost all the way bedbound - it may depend on her comorbidities whether she needs skilled nursing care vs live in personal care. If her health is declining she may need a different type of care now.
There may be things that you aren't aware of that are factoring in to the decision. Sometimes families have to make this choice in the best interest of their loved one.
All due respect - it also sounds like you are a bit judgmental of the daughter. You are being paid to take care of your client correct? You say that her daughter hardly does anything for her mom, that you and the other caregiver do it all. My apologies, but I thought that was the point of hiring paid caregivers to care for a loved one in their home. I know you care about your client, and I think that is wonderful. But hiring caregivers or even finding a nursing home for your loved one does not equate to not caring about your family. Just because she isn't providing hands on care doesn't mean she is doing nothing.