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My mother has to go into care and my father health is failing. I moved in with my parents to care for them in 2012 after losing my job as it seemed the logical thing to do. I have had no support from my sisters who are making life very difficult
Do either of your sisters have Durable POA for your mother and/or father?
How soon does it look like your mom will need to move to a place that can provide the care that she needs?
How bad is your father's health and will he be able to continue to live there after she moves to another place?
What assets do your parents have to play for care outside of their home?
What I'm leading up to is that if either one of your sisters have POA, they may view it as necessary to move both of your parents and then need to sell the house to help pay for it which would mean you would need to find another place to live and to find a job.
It does not sound good. I hope things can be worked out without you having to leave your parent's home. Let us know how this all works out.
Pam is right, you need to be taking good care of your dad, not just living there because you have no other place to stay. Adults have to work and pay their own way--if you need help achieving independence as adult, and didn't get that from high school and college, check your county social services for ways you can launch yourself into a new job. They may be able to provide housing alternatives etc. Your sisters are probably not "making life difficult" they are just being adults, in that your parents need their home & assets to be used only for their needs, not yours. Cut the apron strings. Get a job, find your own housing, you will feel better about your Self and will regain the respect of your sisters. And your parents most of all will benefit from finally being able to use their resources just for themselves.
I would like to hear cmagnum's questions answered. What kind of care have you been providing for your parents? What would they have done if you hadn't moved in?
What kind of care does your father need? Would he be able to live alone? Would he be a candidate for a care center, too?
If neither of them depend on your care, could you get a job and pay rent to stay in your parent's home? If Dad does need care, could the two of you draw up a care contract that states what you do and what Dad pays you (such as room and board)?
But to answer your question, if one of your sister's has Power of Attorney she may be able to evict you ... but probably not if your parents don't want that to happen.
untill i moved in with my parents i helped my mother care for my father as she was his sole carer when i first moved in i did the odd bit of shopping washing all the ironing as my mothers health was not good she has high blood presure and heart proplems so it was felt by my sisters and my self that i move in and become their carer until i got a job. mum was taken to hospital as she had a fall and broke her hib which is now on the mend but sadly her memory is failing and it is my sisters who have decided she go into a home there is no POA for my parents There is no issues with the care i give my father the GP ,Social Worker and district nurses are all happy with the care my father receives If i had not of moved in my mother would have struggled on
The original idea was that you move in and lend a hand until you found a job. That was a good plan while it lasted. I expect your sisters are becoming nervous because you show no sign of getting a job? They probably are worried that you're getting bogged down in the home situation and think that that could be bad news for both you and your parents.
The best thing to do would be to ask your sisters to come to your parents' home, sit down with them (and your father, if he's up to the discussion), and work out a plan for everybody from here. Your father, your mother and you all have needs, and I don't suppose your sisters couldn't care less what happens to you. It's a question of figuring out what is going to work best.
hi ciuntrymouse if only thinks were that simple sadly my father has not got the mental capacity to make dicission and yes you are right ,my sisters dont care what happens to me all they care about is that their lives carry on without any disruption god they wont even take our father to see our mother on a sunday afternoon so i can spend time with my granddaughter and yet my middle sister spends time with hers as they live next door to my father i have had the offer of a job but i cant take it as i would have to pay for my fathers care if i can placehim in a day centre again i would have to pay if i put him in a care home i would be homeless so what ever way i go iam stuffed
wringles, your situation does not sound good at all. Did you save up any money before you lost your job or are you flat broke?
I think that you need to take the job offer, tell your sisters that you need a certain amount of time to get on your feet and move out, but that for you to have the freedom to do this, they will need to help pay for your father's care even if it means using your parents' money to pay for it. I think more than worrying about seeing your granddaughter that you need to find some way to address your need for a job, your own housing and your dad getting cared for so that you can move out of there and restart your own life.
Who is paying for your mother to be in the nursing home?
Who does your parent's tax returns? Who is signing them?
Who is in control of your parents' finances? If your sisters have access to your parents's money, then how did they get it without a durable POA?
Without a POA for your parents, your sisters are likely going to run into a brick wall some day that they will only be able to get around by upsetting their lives and getting guardianship.
wringles, the district nurses can verify that you have been present and caring for the parents and how long they have seen this going on. Your father's MD can substantiate the need for care.
Why would you have to pay for your father's day care? Your father pays for his day care. If he can't afford it, call a social worker and ask what his options are - because you need to work and you can't take care of him.
I'm sorry your sisters seem so unsympathetic. But there's unsympathetic, and then there's unreasonable. Will they not even discuss your parents with you?
cmagnum, i have my own property which i rent out to pay the small amount of mortgage on it if i evict my tenant i will lose an income and with no job my property as well this may sound selfish but surly iam entitled to a life as well dont get me wrong my fathers care and well being are my top priority . my middle sister has taken it upon herself to take over control of my parents finances also my young sister has informed me that she is looking into court of protection for my father but she is not going name me on any paper work only my middle sister and herself she says it because of my financal situation but if she thought about it my financal situation is because iam not working the social worker asigned to my father ask my sisters in ameeting we had why they could not take my father to the hospital to see our mother one said because of her children who are aged 12 and 15 the other one said because it is her only day off work and yet she goes to the hospital
It sounds to me as if you own a home, but can't afford the mortgage since you're unemployed. So you move in with your dad and rent out your house so you can pay mortgage and have money to spend on your food etc. Wouldn't it be better to sell your property, rent a smaller less expensive home and find a job? You have to think long term. Sooner or later your parent's asset (their home) will either be sold to pay their bills, or, if they don't own it, whatever fundd are paying their rent, will be directed towards tbeir nursing home. The problem is not how to get all 3 sisters involved taking care of your dad. The problem is you're not taking care of your own needs first. You must think long term, how to support yourself, and plan for your own senior years. It would be unfortunate if you had to sell your property but its more unfortunate if you don't get back to work and making an income.
Sorry to hear about your situation. It's a tough one, I know as going through something similar. Surely if you are paying a rent to your parents and can proof it then you have the rights of a tenant and only way you can be removed you from the property (since you clearly want to stay to look after your father) is a court order. Think your siblings should realise this situation isn't about them it's what's in the best interest for your parents.
Sorry to hear about your situation. It's a tough one, I know as going through something similar. Surely if you are paying a rent to your parents and can proof it then you have the rights of a tenant and only way you can be removed you from the property (since you clearly want to stay to look after your father) is a court order. Think your siblings should realise this situation isn't about them it's what's in the best interest for your parents.
I am sad to say this but what i have thought for a long time has now been proved my mother has told me in no uncurtian words she will not have a bad word said about my two sisters even though she knows they did nothing tohelp me look after our dad who sadly passed away 3 weeks ago my mother has allowed one sister to get rid of my fathers belonging and is quite happy for her to also redecorate the house which i feel is to soon and my mother will regret this but who am i my mother has said i can live with her to help her but sadly after hearing she condone their actions i dont want to so iam moving out and as far aas i am concerned have no family
Wringles, I am so sorry to hear of your dad's recent death. I take it that your mother is no longer in the care center but has moved back home?
Your mother is a wise woman not to engage with taking sides against certain of her children. You siblings need to work out your issues without asking mom to side with you against your sisters. I hope that eventually you will see the wisdom of her position and not consider yourself without a family.
Wringles, to quote someone who has been on this site longer than myself, it sounds like you got yourself painted into a corner. Didn't look to me like you had much of a choice. i hope your sisters will one day appreciate what you did for him. I'm sorry to hear about your dad's death. You can feel good about the good care that you provided him while you lived there. I wish you well in seeking to rebuild your life.
cmagnum sadly my sisters will never appreciate what i did for my dad or what i do now for my mother They are control freaks they wont allow mum to decide things for herself they tell her what she has got to do even down to how mum spends her money one sister did all the arangement for dads funeral invited her friends to the wake and sent my mother a bill for her expences ie phone and petrol and the cost to get photos printed to make a photo board of dads through the years which she just took upon herself to dothe total 900 pounds the other sister does my mother shopping spending 60 pound a week plus for one person i feel they are ripping my mother off and dont know what to do about it sadly if i say anything they acuse me of making trouble they are now even telling my mother what head stone to buy and what to have put on it . the sad fact is my mother is more than capable of making her own disicions but they wont let her when a social worker can to access mum to see if mum needed any help with things they told a lot of lies making my mother look stupid so you see i have now come to the point for my own sake i have got to move on and have nothing more to do with my sibbling sadly leaving my mother at there murcey
By proceeding, I agree that I understand the following disclosures:
I. How We Work in Washington.
Based on your preferences, we provide you with information about one or more of our contracted senior living providers ("Participating Communities") and provide your Senior Living Care Information to Participating Communities. The Participating Communities may contact you directly regarding their services.
APFM does not endorse or recommend any provider. It is your sole responsibility to select the appropriate care for yourself or your loved one. We work with both you and the Participating Communities in your search. We do not permit our Advisors to have an ownership interest in Participating Communities.
II. How We Are Paid.
We do not charge you any fee – we are paid by the Participating Communities. Some Participating Communities pay us a percentage of the first month's standard rate for the rent and care services you select. We invoice these fees after the senior moves in.
III. When We Tour.
APFM tours certain Participating Communities in Washington (typically more in metropolitan areas than in rural areas.) During the 12 month period prior to December 31, 2017, we toured 86.2% of Participating Communities with capacity for 20 or more residents.
IV. No Obligation or Commitment.
You have no obligation to use or to continue to use our services. Because you pay no fee to us, you will never need to ask for a refund.
V. Complaints.
Please contact our Family Feedback Line at (866) 584-7340 or ConsumerFeedback@aplaceformom.com to report any complaint. Consumers have many avenues to address a dispute with any referral service company, including the right to file a complaint with the Attorney General's office at: Consumer Protection Division, 800 5th Avenue, Ste. 2000, Seattle, 98104 or 800-551-4636.
VI. No Waiver of Your Rights.
APFM does not (and may not) require or even ask consumers seeking senior housing or care services in Washington State to sign waivers of liability for losses of personal property or injury or to sign waivers of any rights established under law.
I agree that:
A.
I authorize A Place For Mom ("APFM") to collect certain personal and contact detail information, as well as relevant health care information about me or from me about the senior family member or relative I am assisting ("Senior Living Care Information").
B.
APFM may provide information to me electronically. My electronic signature on agreements and documents has the same effect as if I signed them in ink.
C.
APFM may send all communications to me electronically via e-mail or by access to an APFM web site.
D.
If I want a paper copy, I can print a copy of the Disclosures or download the Disclosures for my records.
E.
This E-Sign Acknowledgement and Authorization applies to these Disclosures and all future Disclosures related to APFM's services, unless I revoke my authorization. You may revoke this authorization in writing at any time (except where we have already disclosed information before receiving your revocation.) This authorization will expire after one year.
F.
You consent to APFM's reaching out to you using a phone system than can auto-dial numbers (we miss rotary phones, too!), but this consent is not required to use our service.
How soon does it look like your mom will need to move to a place that can provide the care that she needs?
How bad is your father's health and will he be able to continue to live there after she moves to another place?
What assets do your parents have to play for care outside of their home?
What I'm leading up to is that if either one of your sisters have POA, they may view it as necessary to move both of your parents and then need to sell the house to help pay for it which would mean you would need to find another place to live and to find a job.
It does not sound good. I hope things can be worked out without you having to leave your parent's home. Let us know how this all works out.
What kind of care does your father need? Would he be able to live alone? Would he be a candidate for a care center, too?
If neither of them depend on your care, could you get a job and pay rent to stay in your parent's home? If Dad does need care, could the two of you draw up a care contract that states what you do and what Dad pays you (such as room and board)?
But to answer your question, if one of your sister's has Power of Attorney she may be able to evict you ... but probably not if your parents don't want that to happen.
The best thing to do would be to ask your sisters to come to your parents' home, sit down with them (and your father, if he's up to the discussion), and work out a plan for everybody from here. Your father, your mother and you all have needs, and I don't suppose your sisters couldn't care less what happens to you. It's a question of figuring out what is going to work best.
if only thinks were that simple sadly my father has not got the mental capacity to make dicission and yes you are right ,my sisters dont care what happens to me all they care about is that their lives carry on without any disruption god they wont even take our father to see our mother on a sunday afternoon so i can spend time with my granddaughter and yet my middle sister spends time with hers as they live next door to my father i have had the offer of a job but i cant take it as i would have to pay for my fathers care if i can placehim in a day centre again i would have to pay if i put him in a care home i would be homeless so what ever way i go iam stuffed
I think that you need to take the job offer, tell your sisters that you need a certain amount of time to get on your feet and move out, but that for you to have the freedom to do this, they will need to help pay for your father's care even if it means using your parents' money to pay for it. I think more than worrying about seeing your granddaughter that you need to find some way to address your need for a job, your own housing and your dad getting cared for so that you can move out of there and restart your own life.
Who is paying for your mother to be in the nursing home?
Who does your parent's tax returns? Who is signing them?
Who is in control of your parents' finances? If your sisters have access to your parents's money, then how did they get it without a durable POA?
Without a POA for your parents, your sisters are likely going to run into a brick wall some day that they will only be able to get around by upsetting their lives and getting guardianship.
I'm sorry your sisters seem so unsympathetic. But there's unsympathetic, and then there's unreasonable. Will they not even discuss your parents with you?
Think your siblings should realise this situation isn't about them it's what's in the best interest for your parents.
Think your siblings should realise this situation isn't about them it's what's in the best interest for your parents.
Your mother is a wise woman not to engage with taking sides against certain of her children. You siblings need to work out your issues without asking mom to side with you against your sisters. I hope that eventually you will see the wisdom of her position and not consider yourself without a family.
i feel they are ripping my mother off and dont know what to do about it sadly if i say anything they acuse me of making trouble they are now even telling my mother what head stone to buy and what to have put on it . the sad fact is my mother is more than capable of making her own disicions but they wont let her when a social worker can to access mum to see if mum needed any help with things they told a lot of lies making my mother look stupid so you see i have now come to the point for my own sake i have got to move on and have nothing more to do with my sibbling sadly leaving my mother at there murcey