I like my caregiver, however I do not like her bringing her children along at times. She has the 10yr. old daughter (which is o.k.), but a 6yr, or 7yr, old
boy, who touches everything on my coffee table. Sneaks into my office, I resent majorly. I do not want to hurt her feelings, but I do not know how to tell her to leave her children at home. If this keeps up, I will have to look for another caregiver. Help, Help.
Thanks
I have 4-8 yo grands and I would no more take them into work than try to fly. What a nightmare! Half your CG's time is probably spent dealing with the kids.
This may be OK for some people, but you sound unhappy and goodness knows, most of us would feel that way.
If your CG won't leave the kids, then she can't be a CG for you.
As suggested, I certainly will address this issue promptly.
Thanks Again.
Now, I will not feel guilty for standing my ground.
So many thanks, again.
It's totally unacceptable for your CG to bring ANY of her children along to her place of employment, never mind 3 of them! Speak to her right away and if she quits, so be it. The fact that she's doing such a thing without prior approval is what's most bothersome to me. What else is doing without your approval, I wonder?
Good luck!
I certainly will address the issue, as suggested.
Again. many thanks.
With schools closed, CGs children are of school age, sometimes it cannot be helped. If you need help, you may need to make a small sacrifice.
That does not mean you cannot define behavior of children in your home. Address the behaviors with the caregiver and the children.
It is greatly appreciated.
Again, many thanks.
children, these are always delicate issues.
Thanks again!
I’d want to indicate too, that you are REALLY HOPING, for HER SAKE, that it won’t happen too often, because YOU KNOW how hard it is for her to provide for her children on short notice.
We have taken care of my grands since before the pandemic, but now, not knowing their school program schedules, child care problems are MUCH worse.
YOU are paying her salary so YOU are entitled to be comfortable and relaxed with the work she is doing for you, but honestly, Covid has ruined so many lives, IF you feel as though you can cut her a little slack, I’d give her a chance.
There are government programs for low income parents for Daycare. I feel the 10 yr old is old enough to keep her siblings in check. I babysat my infant brother, for short periods, at 11.
You have a right to set boundries in your home. Sit her down and ask her why she is bringing her children. Ask if there is not a family member or a daycare that can watch them. Then tell her you wish she had asked permission. That you don't feel that she can do her job and keep check on the two younger ones who seem to think its OK to go all over your house. That you don't feel its your responsibility to keep check on them and when asked not to do something, they continue to do it. This is not fair to you.
Not sure what the compromise would be here. Find daycare for the two youngest with the state paying? Then let the 10yr old come. This woman is probably just making ends meet. Do you have a room that can be set up for them? If so, that is where they stay. A TV should keep them entertained. Allow Mom to be bring toys and whatever. I am assuming she supplies their food. If they don't remain in the room, then you will need to start looking for someone else.
This is hard, you need a Caregiver and she needs a job.
Is she a privately hired or through an agency? If she is from an agency, the answer is a hard "no" to bringing kids to the worksite. Call the agency to report it.
Is she being provided through Medicaid and sent from social services? I would report this to them. These are liability issues.
If you hired her directly I would make it diplomatically clear to her that she crossed a boundary but going forward you're willing to permit it if she respects the following rules (and you can create your own rules but DO enforce them ...)
1) she give you notice the night before if they are coming so you can prep.
2) the kids are to limited to being in these rooms _________
3) Her 10-yr old is in charge of minding the other 2 at all times because the mom is being paid to help YOU, not her kids.
4) Any damage they create will be deducted from her pay.
5) The kids are to address you as Miss ______ and treat you with respect.
I don't think this is a lot to ask, and I do understand that the past year has wreaked havoc on people's lives BUT she didn't ask you first! This is unacceptable in my world. All she had to do was call to ask. Not rocket science.
"No, I insist, you go and have a day off".
How can the caregiver focus on your needs with children roaming everywhere?
Personally I don't really think it's okay for a caregiver to bring any child to work with her - but two at once? Beyond a joke.
Do you know why she sometimes brings them? Does a sitter sometimes let her down, something like that?
You only have to get one sentence out: "[name], I don't want to hurt your feelings and I do understand that sometimes it's difficult to arrange childcare, but I'm not okay with the children coming with you to work. We need to talk about this."
Oh all right - two sentences :)
You don't need to tell her that 6-7 year olds are noisy little dervishes with sticky fingers and intrusive curiosity; and I certainly wouldn't tell her you like one of her kids but not the other! - all she needs to know is that you, her client, are not happy BUT you are prepared to discuss ways to make it easier for her to leave them behind. Are you willing to be flexible about when she works?
If your caregiver is a private hire, then you need to sit her down. Explain that you hired her to care for your loved one when she is on duty - and that it does not include bringing her children along. Ask her if this is going to be a problem for her and give her 2 weeks to find reliable care for her children. If she says this is a problem, give her 2 weeks and find a replacement.
This is the tough part of being an employer. You have to tell her she cannot bring the children under any circumstances. Don't budge on it either.
I would tell her that you understand times are difficult with schools locked out, day cares closed, etc, but that for many reasons you find this unacceptable. If she works for someone else, have the discussion with the supervisor instead. You don't need to mention any of the "antics", just state simply that this isn't professional, it is unacceptable to you that she brings her kids along and there are potential liability issues. If she works privately for herself, then you'll have to say the same to her. She either comes to work without the kids or you hire someone else.
It is possible now that she's done this a few times that she considers that your reluctance to say anything as acceptance. I wouldn't let this go on for even one more day. If she shows up with them before you can contact her employer, greet her at the door and say she isn't needed today.
Totally unprofessional. It's tough out there, but this isn't the way she should handle it.
NO KIDS!!!.
Thank you all so much.
She may also genuinely have the idea, wishful thinking no doubt but not groundless, that seeing kids about the place is *fun* for an elder. Hence if the OP is pleasant to the children, the caregiver may truly believe that the OP doesn't mind. This makes it more difficult to disillusion her, but nevertheless it has to be done.
Being flexible about hours or days may be helpful to the caregiver, and allow the OP to keep a caregiver she knows she likes.
Be sure to start the conversation with how much you like her and the work she does. If she gets mad, she gets mad. You can't do anything about that. If you have to find a new caregiver, just remember to discuss this at the hiring process.
Did she ask before bringing her children?
Personally, I don’t think she should even consider asking to bring her children to work with her. Nor, should she put you on the spot without asking and just showing up with the children.
She has to realize that children should not be taken to her job.
Tell her not to bring them in the future. She will have to find childcare or you will have to hire another caregiver.
Certainly, Covid has made everything more difficult for mothers to continue on in their work routine.
Long before Covid though, some people have tried to take advantage of others in one way or another.
I never allowed babysitters to have their boyfriend present when they sat with my kids. I find that ridiculous too.
I hope this helps
You can tell the home health agency and that will be the end of it. I know it's not what you may want to do as it may also end your caretaker's job. Sometimes as we grow older we have to learn to put ourselves first however. You shouldn't have to be stressed like this especially with 3 of them like that. Too much! I would let the caregiver know how you feel first and go from there. Hope it works out well.
I’m not saying you owe your caregiver any explanation of why you do not want children in your home - it’s your home! You have every right to ask her to not bring her children. But if you like her, as you say, and she does a good job, and if she has been with you for awhile, you might want to discuss the reason why she needs to bring the children along on occasion. Although it’s really not your problem or your business. It blurs a boundary you might not want to cross. But she might say something like “in a few weeks the kids will be back in school full time.” I would give her a reasonable timeframe to resolve her childcare issue. Someone else mentioned flexible hours and days as well, which could be a temporary solution while she finds childcare.