My inlaws live on an island 2.5 hrs. from my home. Ferry ride to visit. He is 85 she is 84. He has alzeimers and is fairly checked out. Local caregiver who runs adult daycare program called APS on my M-I-L claiming she is not capable of good enough care. APS came to the location of the daycare and questioned my M-I-L. Caregiver calls me and informs me she has called APS and that my M-I-L failed their cognitive test. Caregiver is pushing hard for my inlaws to be institutionalized. Caregiver requested I call APS and report also. I am not going to do this. My M-I-L is tired and worn down but loves her husband and is planning on keeping marital promises of keeping him at home for as long as possible. She has caregivers set up 5 days a week at the house and seems to be holding down the fort. My F-I-L is calm and chill and tired most of the time. He does respond to M-I-L and is still eating, walking and taking a shower. However, this caregiver is not giving up. She has inserted her opinions to other medical providers and tried to encourage them to call APS. Recently, F-I-L was admitted into hospital for failure to thrive and then on to skilled care for about a week. He is home now, but the home health nurse seems to be tied into the original caregiver who called APS. The new home health nurse is now coordinating care for OT, PT and speech therapy. She is pushing, has had my M-I-L sign electronic paperwork without leaving copies or emailing them and is asking questions that indicate she has been told false information by original caregiver - hmmmm. This is all very unsettling as my M-I-L is providing adequate care and love, food and protection, and is bringing in help. Should I be concerned by this over zealous caregiver who seems hell bent on getting my F-I-L institutionalized. The inlaws own 2 homes, have long term care ins. and a little savings. The problematic caregiver works at the nursing home on the Island. Does she have monetary reasons for her pushiness? I appreciate people who care enough to make sure that a fellow citizen is being cared for; however, she is not backing off. I have been working closely with a social worker who has approved of our current care plan for the inlaws. She is the discharge social worker from the skilled nursing home that he was recently discharged from. I have discussed this problematic caregiver with her because this same caregiver called the skilled the nursing facility that the social worker works at and suggested she call APS on my inlaws. After long discussions the social worker agreed with me that this caregiver really needs to mind her own business and that our family has it under control. However, this issue seems to be more layered each day as each person that comes to the house seems to have "heard the news" from this original caregiver....very frustrating. At first I thought my M-I-L was maybe paranoid, but now I realize she is correct. Maybe a restraining order and gag order is needed for this person? Maybe time to get an attorney. Your thoughts??
Your FIL was admitted to hospital for failure to thrive. Hospital! Failure to thrive!!! How bad does this situation have to get before you agree that someone should actually do something for this struggling elderly couple?
Nobody is disputing how much your MIL loves her husband or how good a wife she has been to him for so long. What is at issue is whether the poor lady can continue to flog herself along in a vain attempt to "hold down the fort," as you put it. The clue is in the word 'hospital', admission thereto, for failure to thrive.
Doesn't MIL deserve a rest? Isn't it time somebody looked after her? Instead of abusing the caregiver - who, after all, has absolutely nothing to gain for all her trouble - start working with the professional team, ideally to get your MIL and FIL placed together in a continuing care facility.
It may be that this caregiver is overstepping a little but i don't see how she would profit by getting your in laws placed in care.
Have you visited lately? How do things look to you? It may be they are at the tipping point of independence or facilty living.
I'm getting to the same place with my parents. They should be in assisted living but refuse to leave their home. I understand this but by being stubborn They are in danger of a serious crisis, fall, etc and will end up in facility care in any event, but in much worse shape than if they moved now.
Good luck to you. This is tough stuff to sort through.
I agree that discussion with the family is important. The difficulty is that, with the best will in the world, you can't be there enough to know better than someone who is with your in-laws during their daily routines. In seeing a problem with her client and reporting it and following it up, the caregiver acted entirely correctly.
And with that I concur that she's overstepping her bounds, and she may also be breaching HIPAA violations if she's also a health care professional. However, I believe that private duty caregivers are also bound by HIPAA - not sure about this but I think they are.
See All Answers