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By proceeding, I agree that I understand the following disclosures:
I. How We Work in Washington. Based on your preferences, we provide you with information about one or more of our contracted senior living providers ("Participating Communities") and provide your Senior Living Care Information to Participating Communities. The Participating Communities may contact you directly regarding their services. APFM does not endorse or recommend any provider. It is your sole responsibility to select the appropriate care for yourself or your loved one. We work with both you and the Participating Communities in your search. We do not permit our Advisors to have an ownership interest in Participating Communities.
II. How We Are Paid. We do not charge you any fee – we are paid by the Participating Communities. Some Participating Communities pay us a percentage of the first month's standard rate for the rent and care services you select. We invoice these fees after the senior moves in.
III. When We Tour. APFM tours certain Participating Communities in Washington (typically more in metropolitan areas than in rural areas.) During the 12 month period prior to December 31, 2017, we toured 86.2% of Participating Communities with capacity for 20 or more residents.
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V. Complaints. Please contact our Family Feedback Line at (866) 584-7340 or ConsumerFeedback@aplaceformom.com to report any complaint. Consumers have many avenues to address a dispute with any referral service company, including the right to file a complaint with the Attorney General's office at: Consumer Protection Division, 800 5th Avenue, Ste. 2000, Seattle, 98104 or 800-551-4636.
VI. No Waiver of Your Rights. APFM does not (and may not) require or even ask consumers seeking senior housing or care services in Washington State to sign waivers of liability for losses of personal property or injury or to sign waivers of any rights established under law.I agree that: A.I authorize A Place For Mom ("APFM") to collect certain personal and contact detail information, as well as relevant health care information about me or from me about the senior family member or relative I am assisting ("Senior Living Care Information"). B.APFM may provide information to me electronically. My electronic signature on agreements and documents has the same effect as if I signed them in ink. C.APFM may send all communications to me electronically via e-mail or by access to an APFM web site. D.If I want a paper copy, I can print a copy of the Disclosures or download the Disclosures for my records. E.This E-Sign Acknowledgement and Authorization applies to these Disclosures and all future Disclosures related to APFM's services, unless I revoke my authorization. You may revoke this authorization in writing at any time (except where we have already disclosed information before receiving your revocation.) This authorization will expire after one year. F.You consent to APFM's reaching out to you using a phone system than can auto-dial numbers (we miss rotary phones, too!), but this consent is not required to use our service.
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Mostly Independent
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I feel they need to visit more often so she may remember them. Also to hold her hand and let her know they care. Even though she may not recognize them right away, she may after sitting awhile..
Wow that's rough. On one hand you tell yourself, why bother? But on the other hand, it IS your grandma and you love her. I guess it would depend on the person and how they will react to their grandmother not knowing who they are. Some people will still go to see her regardless, some just can't handle it. Either way, it's probably not a good idea to lay on the guilt. It should be something they WANT to do, not feel obligated to do. I guess I would go regardless, but then again I'm old. ha
How old are the kids? What is grama's stage of dementia? Does she remember you or other's? Do your kids visit without the grandkids? What do they say about not visiting?
Hi andiann, when my father in laws mother was struck with ALZ, she lived for years. When the time came that she no longer recognized my fil, he would leave the nh in tears every time. It was so difficult for him to see her like that that his visits became far and few between. It wasn't a case " oh well, she dosen't know me anyway" his sisters stayed upset with him a lot. I think some people just have different ways of coping. Have you talked with her about how it affects her emotionally? I can see where a nh can be scary for children. How old are her kids. I hope you can work this out. You need each other more than ever to get thru what's ahead. Much love, lisa
First, I think that it MIGHT help (but maybe not) if everyone had a better understanding of the nature of this memory loss.
You are hoping that "she may remember them." Not likely. I suppose it depends on the exact form of dementia she has, but if large blocks of memory are gone, they are not coming back. If she has lost memory of the last 10 years, then she is simply never going to remember great-grandkids younger than 10. As memory recedes and she goes further and further back in time, even people she knew back then no longer look like she remembers them. She may remember your children as toddlers -- how can she recognize these adults who are visiting her? Maybe she will have flickers of memories, but it probably isn't realistic to hope that frequent visits will improve her memory. So, she might recognize them if they sit a while, but I don't think I'd hold that out as a goal or incentive for visiting.
But even if she can't conceptualize "this is my daughter's son's child" she can relate to "this is someone who is nice to me and always makes me smile." In my mind, that is a better goal and better reward than the hope of being recognized. Go to stroke her arm, or hold her hand, and to tell her that you care.
Go not in the hope that she will know who you are, but because you know who she is.
Do you think it would help your family to talk frankly about the sad but very real nature of the memory loss, and to focus on the nature of compassion and caring? If you visit and she happens to have a spark of memory of you while you are there, that is a bonus, but it is not goal of the visit.
This is so very, very painful for everyone. I hope you find some ways to ease the discomfort for the visitors so they may deliver -- and savor -- moments of joy for this dear old woman.
By proceeding, I agree that I understand the following disclosures:
I. How We Work in Washington.
Based on your preferences, we provide you with information about one or more of our contracted senior living providers ("Participating Communities") and provide your Senior Living Care Information to Participating Communities. The Participating Communities may contact you directly regarding their services.
APFM does not endorse or recommend any provider. It is your sole responsibility to select the appropriate care for yourself or your loved one. We work with both you and the Participating Communities in your search. We do not permit our Advisors to have an ownership interest in Participating Communities.
II. How We Are Paid.
We do not charge you any fee – we are paid by the Participating Communities. Some Participating Communities pay us a percentage of the first month's standard rate for the rent and care services you select. We invoice these fees after the senior moves in.
III. When We Tour.
APFM tours certain Participating Communities in Washington (typically more in metropolitan areas than in rural areas.) During the 12 month period prior to December 31, 2017, we toured 86.2% of Participating Communities with capacity for 20 or more residents.
IV. No Obligation or Commitment.
You have no obligation to use or to continue to use our services. Because you pay no fee to us, you will never need to ask for a refund.
V. Complaints.
Please contact our Family Feedback Line at (866) 584-7340 or ConsumerFeedback@aplaceformom.com to report any complaint. Consumers have many avenues to address a dispute with any referral service company, including the right to file a complaint with the Attorney General's office at: Consumer Protection Division, 800 5th Avenue, Ste. 2000, Seattle, 98104 or 800-551-4636.
VI. No Waiver of Your Rights.
APFM does not (and may not) require or even ask consumers seeking senior housing or care services in Washington State to sign waivers of liability for losses of personal property or injury or to sign waivers of any rights established under law.
I agree that:
A.
I authorize A Place For Mom ("APFM") to collect certain personal and contact detail information, as well as relevant health care information about me or from me about the senior family member or relative I am assisting ("Senior Living Care Information").
B.
APFM may provide information to me electronically. My electronic signature on agreements and documents has the same effect as if I signed them in ink.
C.
APFM may send all communications to me electronically via e-mail or by access to an APFM web site.
D.
If I want a paper copy, I can print a copy of the Disclosures or download the Disclosures for my records.
E.
This E-Sign Acknowledgement and Authorization applies to these Disclosures and all future Disclosures related to APFM's services, unless I revoke my authorization. You may revoke this authorization in writing at any time (except where we have already disclosed information before receiving your revocation.) This authorization will expire after one year.
F.
You consent to APFM's reaching out to you using a phone system than can auto-dial numbers (we miss rotary phones, too!), but this consent is not required to use our service.
You are hoping that "she may remember them." Not likely. I suppose it depends on the exact form of dementia she has, but if large blocks of memory are gone, they are not coming back. If she has lost memory of the last 10 years, then she is simply never going to remember great-grandkids younger than 10. As memory recedes and she goes further and further back in time, even people she knew back then no longer look like she remembers them. She may remember your children as toddlers -- how can she recognize these adults who are visiting her? Maybe she will have flickers of memories, but it probably isn't realistic to hope that frequent visits will improve her memory. So, she might recognize them if they sit a while, but I don't think I'd hold that out as a goal or incentive for visiting.
But even if she can't conceptualize "this is my daughter's son's child" she can relate to "this is someone who is nice to me and always makes me smile." In my mind, that is a better goal and better reward than the hope of being recognized. Go to stroke her arm, or hold her hand, and to tell her that you care.
Go not in the hope that she will know who you are, but because you know who she is.
Do you think it would help your family to talk frankly about the sad but very real nature of the memory loss, and to focus on the nature of compassion and caring? If you visit and she happens to have a spark of memory of you while you are there, that is a bonus, but it is not goal of the visit.
This is so very, very painful for everyone. I hope you find some ways to ease the discomfort for the visitors so they may deliver -- and savor -- moments of joy for this dear old woman.