I have been my mom's POA since April 2022 due to dementia.
She lived with us for about 3 months, but my husband and I both work full time and we have a 4 and 6 year old. It became very clear quickly it was unsafe for her to live with us due to her violent hallucinations. She needed a secure facility for 24 hour care. She’s also a fall risk.
So we placed her in a memory care facility 15 minutes from our home.
Even though she’s in a 24 hour care facility. She still requires a lot of care from me and my husband.
My husband or I have to take her to multiple doctors appointments a month. Which requires one of us taking time off work and putting our kids in daycare. We’ve had to leave work in the middle of the day and night to go to her facility to calm her down or take her to the ER.
She also owns two triplexes that she had been neglecting for years in a different state that we have to manage.
We had to sell her home, do her taxes and she got kicked out of 2 facilities. So moved her 3 times.
I have stupidly and innocently compensated us over the last 18 months randomly in Starbucks and DoorDash gifts cards. ($2,900) I didn’t feel good about taking cash from her, but she insisted on paying us for how much we do for her. I do agree I we should get compensated. Her POA states I can be reimbursed and compensated for POA duties.
Well, my estranged sister who lives in another state and visits my mom once a year for 3 days and has no interest in helping hired a lawyer and sent a letter to us threatening to take me to court for misappropriating her property and funds.
I have 30 days to provide all financial records/statements, itemized and pictures if everything we removed from her house in April 2022 when she moved to a facility and all medical records.
I have never kept record of all the work and time I or my husband have spent doing POA duties. So now I need to go back and record everything.
Anyone have a good way of tracking your duties and compensation?
Other advice is welcomed!
Thank you!
So NOT add falsifying records to your list of woes. YOU NEED AN ATTORNEY right now.
POA is a fiduciary duty under the law. You are accountable, as POA for every single penny into and every single penny out from your Mother's accounts. You are responsible for meticulous records of every single action. I kept both monthly accounts and a diary of daily actions.
If you didn't know this you took on a duty that has legal ramifications with no knowledge and "ignorance is no excuse under the law".
You could have been paid or compensated with a legal agreement and contract drawn up for shared living expenses with an elder law attorney.
Now you need that attorney. No Forum on earth can help now that you will go before the law pleading ignorance. Your POA is almost certainly going to be now removed. Perhaps that will be a relief with all you have been doing; you won't have to do it any more. Your defense will be your lack of knowledge and I doubt you will be jailed (hope not, depends on the amounts of Mom's funds "missing" I think), but you will most certainly lose your POA. Let Sister take over, admit you had no idea what you were doing and didn't understand the rules, thought you could compensate yourself in the manner you did. That is to say, tell the truth and throw yourself upon the mercy of the law--do as your Elder Law Attoney directs. I hope this won't proceed to a criminal law action. I wish you good luck.
I’m not concerned about my how I have managed my mom’s finances in regards to selling her property or managing her rental
property or paying her bills. I’m confident that I did that all that correctly. And I have great records and receipts for all that.
My concerns are in regards to compensation and reimbursement. How to track that? I would never falsify records ever. I am asking for suggestions on to how to create good records of how my time as POA is spent and compensation.
I appreciate the advice. Unfortunately my mother prior to dementia has an unhealthy relationship with my sister. She has always been terrified of my sister taking care of when the time came and making her live in the state my sister lives. Away from her only grandkids, which is the only thing that seems to bring her joy.
Again thank you for the advice. Unfortunately I don’t have the money for a lawyer.
If you have any suggestions on how to create or keep track of reimbursements or expenses as the POA I would love that.
Thank you.
Call the Bar Association ask for names of elder law specialists in your region. They used to offer three names/suggestions. Call everyone on the list. Get any and all related paperwork together for them.*
Per Alva "No Forum on earth can help now that you will go before the law pleading ignorance". Yep.
Also, talk to your accountant, to see if any of your legal fees can be deductabile.
*As a side note: my husband is on SS disability. I have a seperate file that has all reciepts, invoices, relevant paperwork to account for how the funds are spent. SS makes it very clear that we can be audited. I also have a seperate file for relevant medical expenses for taxes-just in case.
This is my second stint as a caregiver. I have to be organized, read the fine print, make the phone calls, lists, go over paperwork and organize some more. It is an invaulable skill for me.
My mother has a wonderful financial advisor. She has a great property management company for her rentals that helps me. And her realtor is good too. All of them have been so helpful and we have great records of all transactions.
My concerns are for two things I did not do. I do not create an itemized list of her non valuables such a pots and pans, sofa and etc. that we donated or sold at a garage sale.
The other concern is I don’t feel like I have a good way of recording my time spent doing POA duties.
I’m looking for advice if anyone has a template they would like to share of tracking POA duties.
Any inexpensive suggestions on how to do this?
Thank you again for your suggestions. It’s greatly appreciated.
It is now crucial, with a troubled sister, that you do this right and have meticulous records.
You don't understand POA.
An attorney is paid for by your Mother's funds as you protect her and defend your POA from this sister. YOU don't have to afford it. And your Mother's estate does.
I dare to hope your Mom is still competent to say who she wants managing her care ongoing. She may be deposed by your sister's attorney. GET AN ATTORNEY NOW.
You need an attorney. If you insist on going forward without representation, the very thing your mother so feared will happen in court. Sister will become a guardian for your mother, and you will be done.
Get an attorney. I am relieved you have records re the sales of the home. I hope all proceeds were put in your MOTHER'S name, not in yours and hers. I hope you are POA only legally through the bank. You will need proof of that in court.
See an attorney. Again, your mother's estate pays for this. Call today. If you go this alone a clever attorney and a troublesome sister will take over the care of your omther and her worst fears will be realized.
I use a spiral notebook (old school!) to keep track of my POA/caregiver duties. Every single day for the past 5 1/2 years, I have made notations of mom's goings-on, my actions on her behalf, and miles accumulated on my vehicle on her behalf. I also include an hour count. I'm preparing myself for the day when non-action siblings come out of the woodwork. It works for me!
Best wishes to you!
YOU ARE NOT OBLIGATED to send this information, PERIOD! These attempts to scare the sh!t out of people are called scare letters and most dirt bag attorneys will send them for a fee, knowing full well that you ARE NOT OBLIGATED by law to provide crap to them or their client.
Use moms money to hire an attorney to send a scare letter back, stating further harassing contact will be dealt with to the fullest extent of the law. Make it a p!ssing contest, if she chooses.
You have done nothing wrong and your moms other daughter had her chance to step up.and didn't, now she wants to ensure her inheritance, eff off would be the answer I sent.
Please look up the state statutes for POA. You could be violating state law by providing any of this information, giving scumbag and her attorney actual legal ammunition against you.
Oh, professional fiduciaries earn 180.00 hourly for executing their duties. Start charging mom accordingly and get your time honored for helping her now, because I can guarantee you will have a hellish time with scumbag after mom dies.
I would use a simple day calander and note time, activity and mileage to keep track of what you do to earn your pay. No more Doordash and gift cards though, that can be turned around to say something that isn't true. Time spent x hourly rate = check written and taxes filed, this is how you protect your family. BS isn't it?
Edit: you were never obligated to do an itemized list of moms belongings. Your scumbag is just trying to make it hard on you, don't bite that stink bait.
Please do see an attorney so you are ready, and please do learn how to get compensated and how to keep records as you must monthly, up to date and meticulous.
Keep a diary as well, bound book, no tear outs, in ink and with only cross throughs for correction. THESE are acceptable in court.
I just want to clarify it’s not that I don’t have a record or receipts for everything I do. It’s just it’s all in different places. I have all her financial statements, on my phone calendar I kept track of all the appointments and I have all her records for the rentals. I even have an excel sheet that was like a running entry on her, kinda like a diary entry.
It’s just I don’t have it all on a simple sheet that shows income and expenses. So it’s not that I don’t have records of everything I did or all her expenses it’s just all in random places. It takes forever to sort through everything.
Which is why I was looking for a great template to keep it all together. Easier to keep records and to understand.
Again, thank you everyone for your advice! It’s greatly appreciated.
First let me say, what a nightmare and I’m sorry you are even having to go through this after all you are doing for your mother.
I would research how much live in caregivers charge in your area. Take that average or maybe less as your compensation and then show a pay record, either biweekly or monthly that you would receive from your mother.
Quickbooks has a great app for tracking income and spending. Download it.
For Social Security I had to find all the receipts for a year, I save everything even the receipts when I use the credit card attached to the account. Mind you I had to look all over to get them, I put them in a plastic bag with all my other receipts. No one told me I had to keep these receipts, I was a representative payee for social security that was it. No POA for financial. And I didn't find out until later that I could get paid for taking him to the doctors, grocery shopping for him, and I was his payee for 3 yrs before his family started all this shit. They had no problem until I couldn't go into the ER with him then they decided it was their time. My husband(his brother) and I took care of this man for 15yrs when no one wanted him. They tried to get doctor to sign paperwork to say he was incompetent but the doctor wouldn't do it. They tried to get his social security but I didn't give it up.
If they need money family can be hell. All I can say is what I did write everything down think about what you did get a notebook and write it down. That is what I did. Some things you don't have receipts for like when we took my BIL to go do his laundry all I did was write down the day and time we were there because it averaged out to 4 hours of our time.
Just sit at a table with your calendar start writing in a spiral notebook what you did with your mother. Put it in writing your words. That is what I did for all the times we were with him. If you have people that witnessed what you did get a statement from them. I did that too it helps.
Spiral Notebook is the best way to keep track of your duties and compensation. You may have several but it is the least expensive and you can write what you did at the time. And you keep everything until your mother passes away because I can tell you they will be back asking what you did with that money believe me.
I would also get an attorney for yourselves so that you are protected too.
Prayers
Good that Mom has managers for her property. They will have the records. Not sure what you can do about the gift cards but it really isn't alot of money over a period of time.
My Mom had her SS and a small pension. Her SS went to keeping her house up, her pension of $200, was her spending money. My Moms bank statement was my proof. Money came in, money went out. You could run right down and see the utilities going out, taxes, ect. Everything was done by check. She received her pension in a check I cashed. Anything she needed came out of that money. Receipts were kept in envelopes monthly. If I had to reimburse myself, I wrote a check once a month and put the receipts in an envelope with the check # and amount.
I do have to agree with Isthis, as Moms POA you do not have to give anyone this info. I did think ur sister was a little premature here. Who is Moms Executor because that is when ur sister can ask for an accting. If she does not agree with the final accting of the Will. At this point, you cannot write up a compensation contract. Compensation has to be in the POA or a contract between u and Mom and she is not able to sign a contract now if diagnosed with a Dementia.