MIL insists on moving to a condo with her adult son and Alzheimer’s husband from home they have lived in for 50 years. My husband and his sisters oppose the move as they strongly believe it will further confuse their father who also has congestive heart failure. My MIL refuses to listen to their concerns or to discuss her decision at all. I must add that their house is in pristine condition and at this time needs little maintenance. We all know my FIL probably won’t live that much longer and cannot understand why MIL insists on moving now. We feel moving him will have terrible consequences. He will be confused, disoriented and upset. What can we do? His Alzheimer’s is progressing and he spends most of the day sleeping due to breathing problems from COPD. It clearly seems MIL is not willing to consider how this move will impact her husband.
1. How is title to the existing home vested? In the names of your FIL and MIL, jointly?
2. Did FIL execute a DPOA authorizing someone to act in his stead in the event he can't make decisions, b/c of dementia, such as signing a deed conveying to house as well as executing a purchase agreement for a new one? Is his dementia such that he would not be cognizant of all the factors of selling and purchase a home?
3. If title is vested in both their names, FIL would have to sign a Warranty Deed conveying title to new purchasers. And he should also sign any purchase agreements for a new house.
4. Even if signing off on the sale of the existing house were possible, and if MIL purchased another house, I'm assuming she'd have to get a mortgage. Good banks would look seriously at her assets, her age, life expectancy, and assess whether or not to take a risk on granting a mortgage to someone older. So she may not even be able to finance a new house.
If the process gets that far, make sure someone who knows how to work with good NATIONAL banks (not some of the mortgage companies often recommended by realtors), not only so that nothing untoward takes place, but so that the benefits of banks with fixed regulatory standards come into play in assessing an older woman's ability to obtain and be able to make the mortgage payments.
5. If MIL or anyone else doesn't have any authority to sign on FIL's behalf, and existing title is held jointly, that's it. If FIL can't sign b/c of dementia, the house can't be sold, no one sign on his behalf, no one can get authority under a DPOA b/c of the dementia, and no new house can be purchased unless a bank is willing to grant MIL sole mortgagor status.
The only way at that point would be to get guardianship, which is expensive.
One thing the siblings can do is step up their visits, and make sure they accompany FIL if MIL decides to take him someplace, such as to a bank or real estate office where she might find a notary to witness his alleged signature.
Your FIL may or may not adjust as easily -- perhaps your MIL could find a way to test how he will react to a move (e.g. a nice, extended-stay type of hotel or short-term apartment). A trial move will either show that your FIL can adjust to the move or show your MIL that the idea of moving might be more stressful and complicated than she anticipates. Bringing along lots of items and furnishings familiar to your FIL, either to the condo or to a trial location, could help him adjust. In any event, your husband and his sisters should consider their mother's needs and desires as being equally important as those of your FIL's and do what they can to support a good outcome for both -- obviously easy to say and much harder to actually do, given the situation and all the unknowns of the future.
Maybe also she feels the housing market in the area is such that now would be a good time to sell the house?