Cremation?
I notice a lot of posters opting for cremation for themselves when the time comes. I had never thought about it, until I had an MRI. People at my MD's office asked if I needed sedation for the test prior to sending me, had ever been claustrophobic. No, I assured them. Day of test at hospital, "would you like to be sedated so you don't flip out in there"? Nope, I'm good. Table moved to put me in tube, I caught a head rush, closed eyes to get control of that. Opened eyes inside the tube, wow, ok, really tight in there. Had to run 2 series on without dye one with, it took forever, I came home and told everyone I NEVER want to be in something that tight again, ...so do not burry me. Everyone was fine with it. But then my Father started bringing it up and telling me that the Lord will rise people "out of the grave", and if I don't have one, what will happen? I asked about sailers who are lost at sea, no classic "grave" there either, he said those lost to the seas are covered in the verses. (?) Thoughts? I don't see the point in a casket, stone, etc. and I still don't want to be in a box! :-) Everyone close to me is older, so not like kids and grandkids would want to visit a grave, but I don't want Dad upset.
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Personally Im sick of all that crap, it's just an expensive ordeal. I understand there are religions that require this or that, so be it. But for me, cremation is just fine. Don't even need a fancy urn. An old wine bottle would do.
Some seniors believe that cremation is against the Bible. My father got so upset when one of his distant cousins was cremated, that he almost addressed the family about it. lol We explained to daddy that the man had requested cremation. Daddy could hardly accept it and thought the man must have lost his mind by doing this.
So, we don't discuss it with daddy. He and mother have places in an old town cemetery for most of our immediate family. I'm not sure where the spouses and grandkids will go though.
I thought I wanted cremation, until I visited the cemetery where most of our family is buried. Maybe I do want a little stone that marks that I was here. It's a peaceful place and across the street from the hospital I was born in. Maybe it's fitting. I don't need an expensive service, flowers, etc. Just direct burial and a meal with the family if fine.
You can put your wishes for cremation in your Will and make it known to those who are your Healthcare POA.
My parents, like many in their generation, had only ever attended funerals. Dad didn't want any part of that, and wanted to be cremated. We honored that wish, and we also honored the wish not to have a "funeral" but, hey Dad, we are in charge now and this is for us. We had a lovely memorial service. My mother said that is exactly what she wants when her time comes.
Do not argue with your Dad about this issue. Just make sure you know what he wants and that he knows that you know.
Cremains can certainly be buried in a family plot.
We had a Celebration of Life at Outback Steakhouse. It was a wonderful gathering for my children, grandchildren, husband's family, and friends a month after she passed.
This is not something that the Catholic Church would approve, but mother received Last Rites before she died. That is all that is required. She could not afford to have a full-blown funeral, did not want one, and we did not even have enough pall bearers. I talked to my oldest cousin in Chicago, and she told me not to have any viewing, mass, or anything else. My oldest daughter, son-in-law, and I came to the same conclusion. Cost of cremation and dinner came to less than $2,000.
Follow your heart.
After going through the whole nine yards with my mother and sister, I was still in sticker shock from the astounding costs, as well as the trauma to the family of having to go through a few or less days of viewing, then the ordeal of the funeral. It's completely exhausting, emotionally and physically.
I want my friends and family to remember me before I reach the stage of metamorphosing into a peony or rose or even a lovely hydrangea.
The classic American way of death and funerals has been developed over the years into a very profitable industry. I have respect for the folks in the industry. They serve a need in our society but they can make you feel ever so small and cheap if you don't go along with the upgrades suggested.
I went through this process twice in the last five years when my sister and then my brother died. My Dad was in the early stages of dementia and thankfully turned things over to my mother and me. Mom was grief stricken to the point of exhaustion. The funeral home people were very helpful in many ways and pleasant to deal with but they took full advantage of Moms grief to try and sell her every service and geegaw they had.
As my nephew was helping mom into the casket showroom I pulled the director lady aside and had a serious chat. She got the message and directed moms attention to the $5000 casket instead of the $15000 one. It is absolutely insane. For a modest funeral, grave site, opening and closing charges, visitation, and graveside service it still came in around 15 K. If I had not been there I can't imagine how much money my poor mother would have signed over.