How can we make the correct decision? I feel we are being sold on this by the oncologist and radiologist. When I voice my concerns about his quality of life vs. quatity he may "add on", I just get the answer "well, if the side effects get too bad we will just stop". Meanwhile, he lives at home with my stepmom who sees the same oncologist for Multiple Myeloma. How do we make this decision?
If your dad isn't 100% in charge and competent enough to make this decision, I believe you have an obligation to protect him from any treatment that doesn't contribute to his quality of life.
Doctors feel obliged to give you all the possible treatment ideas, but too many of them won't tell you whether it's a good idea to actually do them, nor will they answer the question, "Would you do this to your father?"
I'll give you my story -- My aunt was diagnosed with multiple myeloma and was clearly pretty far along once she was diagnosed. Her children couldn't bear the idea that their vibrant, active 90-year-old mother could possible die, convinced her to do chemo. She did about two weeks' worth, was violently ill the entire time, and died a month later anyway. She was the one who put an end to the chemo, and now her children kick themselves for robbing her of two precious weeks of relatively good health because THEY couldn't bear for her to die.
Please try to think about what's best for your dad, not what you think is best for you. That's the most important thing to take into account. Is chemo and radiation going to cure him? Probably not, so why poison and burn him?
Those who recommend the chemo and the radiation will tell you they aren't going for cure, but for more time, and for "shrinking" this or that.
For myself, I would ask your father what he wants to do. If he is unable to make the decision I would call in hospice. For you, how you make the decision is by talking with your own family and doing the best you can. There is no one I think with an ounce of brains who would judge you WHATEVER decision you make. I wish you luck.As an ex RN at age 79 I would no longer treat any cancer save for blockages, et al, and would ask for the "good drugs". I have had a wonderful and very lucky life; I am ready enough. I am a 35 year survivor of breast cancer. Even with that knowledge I long ago stopped mammograms. Death comes to us all. The manner of death is important to me to have some say in, given what I have seen in my career.
When I asked what was the prognosis with treatment. He boldly said she will have roughly 8 weeks. Seriously? You would put her through chemo for 8 weeks? Yep, without hesitation.
She lived for 7 weeks with no treatment once she went home on hospice. She was in the hospital for a couple of weeks, so she had 1 additional week and they were all on her terms. No puking her guts out, loosing all of her hair, no being utterly miserable every minute.
I think that there is something very wrong with any doctor that doesn't consider the fall out of pumping a fragile body full of poison. This is western medicine at it's core, filthy rotten!
To each his own but, I would do some research on what chemo does to the human body. Radiation is a whole different bag of ugly.
Mom asked the drs how long she would live without the surgery and was told 2 years. Well, she decided to have the surgery, rehab, recovery and a steep decline into dementia. She lived another 2 years. So we might have had her for 2 years and cogent instead of 2 years not recognizing anyone. I wish now I had talked her out of it.
Chemo/radiation treatments on a very old sick man will make him feel so horrible that he will wish he could die.
We all have to die. Let him spend his remaining days and months in comfort.
When I was first dxed, I was 62. Did about 15 months of tx and finally, just so sick of being sick, I quit. I had done not just the 'protocol' chemo, but 6 rounds of FU tx also.
Even though it's only been 2 years, a LOT of leftover side effects have made my life about 60% of what it was and I am as 'good as I'm going to get'.
Drs will give you stats and numbers and of course, their job is to get you in remission---but a LOT of the time, they do not look at the patient's age, family dynamic, etc. They simply see a problem they can 'fix' and BTW, the surgeons will not be the ones who follow up. It will be an oncologist. I saw my surgeon TWICE and never again, b/c there was nothing else for him to do.
I'll see my oncologist for the rest of my life. And HE is respectful and honest with me. He also agrees--go see a surgeon and you will likely be a 'candidate', somehow, for surgery.
At 93--why torture your poor dad?
I can't imagine a 90+ year old person going thru the same difficulties. Sending you a big hug because you are in an untenable position.
My friend’s mom decided not to do anything about her lung cancer in her late 60’s. I found it interesting that she lived longer than others who went through treatment.
She saw all of her children marry and have children. She had lost her husband many years earlier in an automobile accident. He died when my friend was 8 years old.
She was at peace with dying. She didn’t care to endure the misery of treatment for an extension on her life. Her children supported her choice not to treat her cancer.
Hugs...
She celebrated her 100th Birthday at the end of December, is doing well and is still home with me.