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By proceeding, I agree that I understand the following disclosures:
I. How We Work in Washington. Based on your preferences, we provide you with information about one or more of our contracted senior living providers ("Participating Communities") and provide your Senior Living Care Information to Participating Communities. The Participating Communities may contact you directly regarding their services. APFM does not endorse or recommend any provider. It is your sole responsibility to select the appropriate care for yourself or your loved one. We work with both you and the Participating Communities in your search. We do not permit our Advisors to have an ownership interest in Participating Communities.
II. How We Are Paid. We do not charge you any fee – we are paid by the Participating Communities. Some Participating Communities pay us a percentage of the first month's standard rate for the rent and care services you select. We invoice these fees after the senior moves in.
III. When We Tour. APFM tours certain Participating Communities in Washington (typically more in metropolitan areas than in rural areas.) During the 12 month period prior to December 31, 2017, we toured 86.2% of Participating Communities with capacity for 20 or more residents.
IV. No Obligation or Commitment. You have no obligation to use or to continue to use our services. Because you pay no fee to us, you will never need to ask for a refund.
V. Complaints. Please contact our Family Feedback Line at (866) 584-7340 or ConsumerFeedback@aplaceformom.com to report any complaint. Consumers have many avenues to address a dispute with any referral service company, including the right to file a complaint with the Attorney General's office at: Consumer Protection Division, 800 5th Avenue, Ste. 2000, Seattle, 98104 or 800-551-4636.
VI. No Waiver of Your Rights. APFM does not (and may not) require or even ask consumers seeking senior housing or care services in Washington State to sign waivers of liability for losses of personal property or injury or to sign waivers of any rights established under law.I agree that: A.I authorize A Place For Mom ("APFM") to collect certain personal and contact detail information, as well as relevant health care information about me or from me about the senior family member or relative I am assisting ("Senior Living Care Information"). B.APFM may provide information to me electronically. My electronic signature on agreements and documents has the same effect as if I signed them in ink. C.APFM may send all communications to me electronically via e-mail or by access to an APFM web site. D.If I want a paper copy, I can print a copy of the Disclosures or download the Disclosures for my records. E.This E-Sign Acknowledgement and Authorization applies to these Disclosures and all future Disclosures related to APFM's services, unless I revoke my authorization. You may revoke this authorization in writing at any time (except where we have already disclosed information before receiving your revocation.) This authorization will expire after one year. F.You consent to APFM's reaching out to you using a phone system than can auto-dial numbers (we miss rotary phones, too!), but this consent is not required to use our service.
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Even if they did tell him that, he would keep asking.
I'm sorry for the sadness of your (your?) Dad's situation, but don't worry that you or his other children ought to be telling him the truth about his future care and trying to make him take the information on board - he just can't process and retain that kind of thought.
Instead, talk about how the nice people will be taking care of him until he's "better", and we all just have to wait and see how things turn out. Divert him to other subjects if you possibly can (take photo albums or the daily paper to provide talking points) and when it's time to leave try to hand over to a member of staff and slip out quietly saying you're going to the bathroom, or something like that.
Teepa Snow is just the best when it comes to handling tricky aspects of dementia - you should be able to find her videos online.
Good points above. I wouldn't get bothered about what info siblings may give dad about this. He wouldn't likely remember and the questions would still keep coming over and over. So, telling him the truth, actually, may not offer him any benefit.
With my LO, I tried to keep her happy in the moment, give her security, positive re-enforcement, the people here are so kind, things are so nice, food is delicious, etc.
Also, sometimes the questions are a phase and will fade. Eventually, they may not think to ask about things like that. My LO called her room her apt and she liked the way I helped her fix it up. She also thought that she worked at the facility.
Kimstauffiger29, many times a person who has dementia and asks when they can go home is not meaning the previous home they lived.... the person means their childhood home back when life was so much simpler as a child.
It is best to use what are called "therapeutic fibs", like telling Dad "maybe next week" whenever he asks about home. Or saying the homes is being repainted. That will make Dad feel better in the moment, until the next time he will ask.
For a person with dementia, home represents "not here." My FIL has no idea where "home" might be. If asked, he says he knows it's not where he is. He doesn't even know his son's or daughter's names anymore. He thinks his son, my husband, has children. "How are your kids?" Son never had children, but he's learned it's easier to go along with Dad and say the kids are fine. There's just no way to sort it out. We gave him a calendar with pictures and names, but Dad doesn't know what a calendar is anymore and can't read the names. We do a lot of "therapeutic fibbing" when we visit because he accepts the fibs far more happily than he does the frustration of being told truths he can't sort out.
Dementia is a sad disease. Sometimes being kind and withholding information is the best way to give our loved one a feeling of security and comfort. They need to know they are loved and someone, even if they are losing grasp of who we are, is taking care of things.
That's a good point. People who have dementia and who live in their own homes, may ask to go home. It may be somewhere in their mind, that doesn't really exist.
There has been a lot of Alzheimers in my family. No matter what answer you give him, he won't remember it tomorrow and will ask again. I feel the greatest kindness is to give the most truthful answer you can that will comfort them in the moment. The moment is all they still have; they deserve to be happy in the moment. If you can't give a truthful answer, know you are helping them most by saying whatever will comfort them in the moment. If the truth causes anxiety and unhappiness, there is nothing useful about sharing it as Dad won't remember it long enough to accept it or come to terms with it like someone without dementia, so sharing the truth hasn't helped anyone, especially not Dad. There were lots of good suggestions above. Don't guilt yourself over making your Dad's life easier in the only way you can.
By proceeding, I agree that I understand the following disclosures:
I. How We Work in Washington.
Based on your preferences, we provide you with information about one or more of our contracted senior living providers ("Participating Communities") and provide your Senior Living Care Information to Participating Communities. The Participating Communities may contact you directly regarding their services.
APFM does not endorse or recommend any provider. It is your sole responsibility to select the appropriate care for yourself or your loved one. We work with both you and the Participating Communities in your search. We do not permit our Advisors to have an ownership interest in Participating Communities.
II. How We Are Paid.
We do not charge you any fee – we are paid by the Participating Communities. Some Participating Communities pay us a percentage of the first month's standard rate for the rent and care services you select. We invoice these fees after the senior moves in.
III. When We Tour.
APFM tours certain Participating Communities in Washington (typically more in metropolitan areas than in rural areas.) During the 12 month period prior to December 31, 2017, we toured 86.2% of Participating Communities with capacity for 20 or more residents.
IV. No Obligation or Commitment.
You have no obligation to use or to continue to use our services. Because you pay no fee to us, you will never need to ask for a refund.
V. Complaints.
Please contact our Family Feedback Line at (866) 584-7340 or ConsumerFeedback@aplaceformom.com to report any complaint. Consumers have many avenues to address a dispute with any referral service company, including the right to file a complaint with the Attorney General's office at: Consumer Protection Division, 800 5th Avenue, Ste. 2000, Seattle, 98104 or 800-551-4636.
VI. No Waiver of Your Rights.
APFM does not (and may not) require or even ask consumers seeking senior housing or care services in Washington State to sign waivers of liability for losses of personal property or injury or to sign waivers of any rights established under law.
I agree that:
A.
I authorize A Place For Mom ("APFM") to collect certain personal and contact detail information, as well as relevant health care information about me or from me about the senior family member or relative I am assisting ("Senior Living Care Information").
B.
APFM may provide information to me electronically. My electronic signature on agreements and documents has the same effect as if I signed them in ink.
C.
APFM may send all communications to me electronically via e-mail or by access to an APFM web site.
D.
If I want a paper copy, I can print a copy of the Disclosures or download the Disclosures for my records.
E.
This E-Sign Acknowledgement and Authorization applies to these Disclosures and all future Disclosures related to APFM's services, unless I revoke my authorization. You may revoke this authorization in writing at any time (except where we have already disclosed information before receiving your revocation.) This authorization will expire after one year.
F.
You consent to APFM's reaching out to you using a phone system than can auto-dial numbers (we miss rotary phones, too!), but this consent is not required to use our service.
I'm sorry for the sadness of your (your?) Dad's situation, but don't worry that you or his other children ought to be telling him the truth about his future care and trying to make him take the information on board - he just can't process and retain that kind of thought.
Instead, talk about how the nice people will be taking care of him until he's "better", and we all just have to wait and see how things turn out. Divert him to other subjects if you possibly can (take photo albums or the daily paper to provide talking points) and when it's time to leave try to hand over to a member of staff and slip out quietly saying you're going to the bathroom, or something like that.
Teepa Snow is just the best when it comes to handling tricky aspects of dementia - you should be able to find her videos online.
With my LO, I tried to keep her happy in the moment, give her security, positive re-enforcement, the people here are so kind, things are so nice, food is delicious, etc.
Also, sometimes the questions are a phase and will fade. Eventually, they may not think to ask about things like that. My LO called her room her apt and she liked the way I helped her fix it up. She also thought that she worked at the facility.
It is best to use what are called "therapeutic fibs", like telling Dad "maybe next week" whenever he asks about home. Or saying the homes is being repainted. That will make Dad feel better in the moment, until the next time he will ask.
Dementia is a sad disease. Sometimes being kind and withholding information is the best way to give our loved one a feeling of security and comfort. They need to know they are loved and someone, even if they are losing grasp of who we are, is taking care of things.