What should I do for him? On dialysis for 3 years- end stage renal disease (ESRD). I don't think he is strong enough to do skilled nursing facility, he needs someone to clean him when he has a bowel movement and turn him, what care or facility would you recommend? My mother his wife can't continue to care for him at home.
You say you *don't* think he's strong enough for a SNF? Why is that? How is he getting to dialysis? - presumably it's not the move itself to a facility that you're worried about, then.
I wonder... would it be worth asking a recommended hospice provider to come and have a no-obligation talk with him about palliative care options? If you are reasonably certain that he is running out of road, if you don't mind my being so blunt, perhaps it would be better to revisit his decision in order to improve his remaining quality of life.
I was just told he is getting very confused in the last 2 days.
I know as we all want to fight for our lives, but sometimes we just have to give up the fight and spend our remaining days, weeks or whatever the time we have left with our love ones. I am trying to be mean or hurtful. It is just that what little I see from your post your dad is very ill, and I am sorry that you and your family are going through this.
About how to present to your dad about hospice this is what I did for my dad. My dad had pc. He was dying and everyone understood that except my dad. The cancer had speard throughout his body, but he wanted to fight and really thought he would win. I told my dad that hospice was coming to the home to treat him. That this was away for him to get the Tx he needed without having to go to the hospital. My dad passed away just a few weeks after hospice started. He was good about not having to go to the hospital for Tx and we were good with the lie I had to tell him. However, with my knowledge I knew the out come wasn't good and I came to term with what was best for him. I loved my dad with my whole heart and there isn't a day I don't miss him, but I have never regretted what I had said or done. I would do it all over again the same way. I put his best interest ahead of my own. Sometimes we just have to deal with the truth whatever that is and help them to help themselves, if that makes any sense!
Hugs!!
Having ESRD means you need dialysis to live. Even in hospice, if dialysis keeps him comfortable he could continue, and if the liver mass is benign and he could live for a long time, he would not even qualify for hospice. For hospice, usually a doctor has to say death is expected in about 6 months or less (but they do not have to be right - if the person lives longer it is fine!) It could help a lot to have more clarity about all his diagnoses and prognosis to make the right decisions.
I would contact Hospice and have them help you or locate one that is 1) to your liking and 2) had a bed available then contact Hospice.
The SNF will work with Hospice to keep him comfortable.
He can continue dialysis while on Hospice IF it is not the ESRD that makes him Hospice eligible. (Example if the mass is cancer and he seeks no treatment for the cancer that will make him Hospice eligible and he can still continue dialysis)
Another option you have is to hire a Geriatric Care Manager. This person could do the evaluation of your dads needs and coordinate his care. You can go online to the "Aging Life Care Association" and find a Geriatric Care Manager in your area.
I wish you the best.
Some nursing homes have a small in-house dialysis unit for those seniors who need hemodialysis. If at all possible ask your case manager or do research on availability of those providers on the internet. There are several tools on the Internet you can use to find dialysis centers in your area.