Are you sure you want to exit? Your progress will be lost.
Who are you caring for?
Which best describes their mobility?
How well are they maintaining their hygiene?
How are they managing their medications?
Does their living environment pose any safety concerns?
Fall risks, spoiled food, or other threats to wellbeing
Are they experiencing any memory loss?
Which best describes your loved one's social life?
Acknowledgment of Disclosures and Authorization
By proceeding, I agree that I understand the following disclosures:
I. How We Work in Washington. Based on your preferences, we provide you with information about one or more of our contracted senior living providers ("Participating Communities") and provide your Senior Living Care Information to Participating Communities. The Participating Communities may contact you directly regarding their services. APFM does not endorse or recommend any provider. It is your sole responsibility to select the appropriate care for yourself or your loved one. We work with both you and the Participating Communities in your search. We do not permit our Advisors to have an ownership interest in Participating Communities.
II. How We Are Paid. We do not charge you any fee – we are paid by the Participating Communities. Some Participating Communities pay us a percentage of the first month's standard rate for the rent and care services you select. We invoice these fees after the senior moves in.
III. When We Tour. APFM tours certain Participating Communities in Washington (typically more in metropolitan areas than in rural areas.) During the 12 month period prior to December 31, 2017, we toured 86.2% of Participating Communities with capacity for 20 or more residents.
IV. No Obligation or Commitment. You have no obligation to use or to continue to use our services. Because you pay no fee to us, you will never need to ask for a refund.
V. Complaints. Please contact our Family Feedback Line at (866) 584-7340 or ConsumerFeedback@aplaceformom.com to report any complaint. Consumers have many avenues to address a dispute with any referral service company, including the right to file a complaint with the Attorney General's office at: Consumer Protection Division, 800 5th Avenue, Ste. 2000, Seattle, 98104 or 800-551-4636.
VI. No Waiver of Your Rights. APFM does not (and may not) require or even ask consumers seeking senior housing or care services in Washington State to sign waivers of liability for losses of personal property or injury or to sign waivers of any rights established under law.I agree that: A.I authorize A Place For Mom ("APFM") to collect certain personal and contact detail information, as well as relevant health care information about me or from me about the senior family member or relative I am assisting ("Senior Living Care Information"). B.APFM may provide information to me electronically. My electronic signature on agreements and documents has the same effect as if I signed them in ink. C.APFM may send all communications to me electronically via e-mail or by access to an APFM web site. D.If I want a paper copy, I can print a copy of the Disclosures or download the Disclosures for my records. E.This E-Sign Acknowledgement and Authorization applies to these Disclosures and all future Disclosures related to APFM's services, unless I revoke my authorization. You may revoke this authorization in writing at any time (except where we have already disclosed information before receiving your revocation.) This authorization will expire after one year. F.You consent to APFM's reaching out to you using a phone system than can auto-dial numbers (we miss rotary phones, too!), but this consent is not required to use our service.
✔
I acknowledge and authorize
✔
I consent to the collection of my consumer health data.*
✔
I consent to the sharing of my consumer health data with qualified home care agencies.*
*If I am consenting on behalf of someone else, I have the proper authorization to do so. By clicking Get My Results, you agree to our Privacy Policy. You also consent to receive calls and texts, which may be autodialed, from us and our customer communities. Your consent is not a condition to using our service. Please visit our Terms of Use. for information about our privacy practices.
Mostly Independent
Your loved one may not require home care or assisted living services at this time. However, continue to monitor their condition for changes and consider occasional in-home care services for help as needed.
Remember, this assessment is not a substitute for professional advice.
Share a few details and we will match you to trusted home care in your area:
Do not let anyone bully you. If necessary, obtain psychotherapy to explain how to cope. Just agree on what Mom or Dad wants or does not want, ask if he or she is talking with his or her social worker or doctor about the problems, then quickly change the subject. If Mom or Dad is often forgetful, changing the subject just delays disappointment. Perhaps the parents may evenutually understanding that bullying will not work for them, and might invite an apology.
First things first, your dad is agitated and irritated... please take him to doctor as soon as possible... your dad needs some medication to help him relax a bit... he sounds very hyperactive and angry, mad....
it will make a big difference, you will see.... also the doctor will precribed some med for him to sleep well at night... does not sound like complicate situation...
Don't respond to insults. Ignore. Act as he is always right. Walk away when you begin to get upset. Imagine what you would be going through if your mind & body does what his is doing. Give yourself a pat on the back for not responding and getting him further upset.
Welcome to the site. I have had this same problem with my Mother whose personality has gotten very self-centered and lets everything fly from her mouth because she has no more boundary filters. She has hurt all of her friends feelings and they now avoid her. You are going to have to change your attitude because his is not going to change. I do my best now, do not expect any type of gratitude from my Mother because she acts like a teen and teens are not very grateful and I demand my respite because that is what keeps my sanity at this point in my life. Come here and vent or get some solutions because there are many in the same boat and we do understand.
I actually said this to my mother recently (she's not demented, so she could understand. She's just been mean and vindictive and accusing for a long time. She prefers complaining to having anything solved, she doesn't like to feel "beholden" (i.e. grateful), and she is paranoid.): "You don't have to thank me, and you don't have to like it -- you're impossible to please anyway, so I've given up on that long ago. I'm doing this because it's the right thing to do and someone has to do it." She had no way to respond to that, so it shut her up briefly. But that's not why I'm reporting it to you all on this site. I'm reporting it because that expresses a shift in ME, one that has taken many slow years. In other words, my satisfaction comes from doing the right thing -- it DOESN'T come from her gratitude, or from feeling loved or appreciated, so I'm no longer hooked in to longing for it. It took me a very long time to stop wanting my mother to be loving towards me -- who doesn't want that?! But that's the way it is, and really getting in line with reality is the path to freedom......
I completely understand your thinking on this. I have two guys and they both have behaved this way. I felt and sometimes still feel so hurt by the way I was invisible to them as to how much I did for them or how extremely exhausted I was. But then I realized Dad and Hubby are teenagers! Seriously! When my kids were teens they were ungrateful and even mean at times. Never did they give a thought to my wellbeing but only thought of themselves. So I treat them as such. When they are rude and noncompliant I stand up for myself as much as I think they will understand. I don't think "they don't mean it" because I think they do mean it. I think they have lost the ability to think of anyone else besides themselves much like a child, so like a child I train them (more for myself than for them). I don't allow them to bully me because trust me with two guys who "know it all" it can be a fierce struggle to not believe their rants. I think responding to them like I would my teenagers helps me still respect them and not begin to hate them or dive into depression. I think the mistake I make is thinking they are the same guys. But they have a disease that has changed them and they will never be the person they were again. My guys both know I love them and want the best for them. I also agree with mgcarter sometimes it's just a tweak in their meds will help smooth things out. Welcome to the group. I too am new to the site and am very glad for the support of those in the trenches with me :)
How? - do you carry on caring about the person? 1. By putting yourself in his shoes: how chirpy and grateful would you be feeling? 2. By not taking his lashing-out as a personal insult - easier said than done, and it doesn't make it any less tedious or discouraging, but it does help to remember that your father isn't setting out to hurt you. 3. Come back and vent! I've found this forum more help than just about everything else put together.
My mother was like mgcarter's until I was able to get her on the Excelon patch. Mom was bipolar and refused medication for years. The Excelon patch gave us five wonderful months before she passed. We were able to apply the patch on Mom's back after daily washing & while applying lotion to all but the current patch area. Distracting Mom this way allowed us to get the med into her without any objection. She didn't question her change in feeling, so there was no problem with her distrusting her food, for example.
The more dependent an elder becomes, the more this may occur. Try not to take it personally. Caregivers bear the brunt of bad behavior. Be sure to have support outside of this relationship... it will keep you going. Illness really messes with the mind. In the end, you will not regret your decision to do the right thing (becoming a caregiver). You will regret responding in kind.
My mother was mean, rude, combative and ungrateful. I had to keep telling myself "She really doesn't mean it!" I've found that our elders have a tendency to act out worse around those of us that are the closest and be an angel around everyone else. Meds have helped wonderfully. I now have a kinder, gentler mother.
Many thanks for the help & advice will get on to it. Really appreciate your help only learnt about this site today good to share with people who have been or going through the same experiences
By proceeding, I agree that I understand the following disclosures:
I. How We Work in Washington.
Based on your preferences, we provide you with information about one or more of our contracted senior living providers ("Participating Communities") and provide your Senior Living Care Information to Participating Communities. The Participating Communities may contact you directly regarding their services.
APFM does not endorse or recommend any provider. It is your sole responsibility to select the appropriate care for yourself or your loved one. We work with both you and the Participating Communities in your search. We do not permit our Advisors to have an ownership interest in Participating Communities.
II. How We Are Paid.
We do not charge you any fee – we are paid by the Participating Communities. Some Participating Communities pay us a percentage of the first month's standard rate for the rent and care services you select. We invoice these fees after the senior moves in.
III. When We Tour.
APFM tours certain Participating Communities in Washington (typically more in metropolitan areas than in rural areas.) During the 12 month period prior to December 31, 2017, we toured 86.2% of Participating Communities with capacity for 20 or more residents.
IV. No Obligation or Commitment.
You have no obligation to use or to continue to use our services. Because you pay no fee to us, you will never need to ask for a refund.
V. Complaints.
Please contact our Family Feedback Line at (866) 584-7340 or ConsumerFeedback@aplaceformom.com to report any complaint. Consumers have many avenues to address a dispute with any referral service company, including the right to file a complaint with the Attorney General's office at: Consumer Protection Division, 800 5th Avenue, Ste. 2000, Seattle, 98104 or 800-551-4636.
VI. No Waiver of Your Rights.
APFM does not (and may not) require or even ask consumers seeking senior housing or care services in Washington State to sign waivers of liability for losses of personal property or injury or to sign waivers of any rights established under law.
I agree that:
A.
I authorize A Place For Mom ("APFM") to collect certain personal and contact detail information, as well as relevant health care information about me or from me about the senior family member or relative I am assisting ("Senior Living Care Information").
B.
APFM may provide information to me electronically. My electronic signature on agreements and documents has the same effect as if I signed them in ink.
C.
APFM may send all communications to me electronically via e-mail or by access to an APFM web site.
D.
If I want a paper copy, I can print a copy of the Disclosures or download the Disclosures for my records.
E.
This E-Sign Acknowledgement and Authorization applies to these Disclosures and all future Disclosures related to APFM's services, unless I revoke my authorization. You may revoke this authorization in writing at any time (except where we have already disclosed information before receiving your revocation.) This authorization will expire after one year.
F.
You consent to APFM's reaching out to you using a phone system than can auto-dial numbers (we miss rotary phones, too!), but this consent is not required to use our service.
please take him to doctor as soon as possible...
your dad needs some medication to help him relax a bit...
he sounds very hyperactive and angry, mad....
it will make a big difference, you will see....
also the doctor will precribed some med for him to sleep well at night...
does not sound like complicate situation...
good luck.
sharon
Ignore.
Act as he is always right.
Walk away when you begin to get upset.
Imagine what you would be going through if your mind & body does what his is doing.
Give yourself a pat on the back for not responding and getting him further upset.
I also agree with mgcarter sometimes it's just a tweak in their meds will help smooth things out.
Welcome to the group. I too am new to the site and am very glad for the support of those in the trenches with me :)
We were able to apply the patch on Mom's back after daily washing & while applying lotion to all but the current patch area. Distracting Mom this way allowed us to get the med into her without any objection. She didn't question her change in feeling, so there was no problem with her distrusting her food, for example.
I wish you success in finding a solution.