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V. Complaints. Please contact our Family Feedback Line at (866) 584-7340 or ConsumerFeedback@aplaceformom.com to report any complaint. Consumers have many avenues to address a dispute with any referral service company, including the right to file a complaint with the Attorney General's office at: Consumer Protection Division, 800 5th Avenue, Ste. 2000, Seattle, 98104 or 800-551-4636.
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Hearing deficits occur at various ranges of sound. For my father, it's in a range in which women generally speak - softer voices. It's easier to understand men with baritone voices. That might the issue your father faces.
There's also the issue that I've seen with VA hearing aids; my father has trouble removing them. It made me uncomfortable to see him struggling to get them out of his ears. That might be a deterrent as well.
And then there's the issue of the ambient noise - suddenly what used to be silence is now a range of noises, some of which are annoying and irritating.
When my Mom was first losing her hearing and didn't want hearing aids, Dad and I would whisper and Mom thought we were speaking in regular tones but she couldn't hear us... Dad would also lower the sound on the TV.... that got her quickly into the audiologist to get hearing aids :)
My dad is 80 and got very nice Hearing Aides about 3 years ago. He refuses to wear them and claims one hurts his left ear. So I have suggested we go to the Audiologist and see if they can adjust them for him. He still refuses. We are all having to yell at him and have multiple conversations with him. It's odd however, that we will ask him something and he will say Huh? and then before we can repeat the question again he will have answered us, and he hears many things when they aren't directed at him. I cannot quite understand it? Any advice.
See if you can't get him on here to read some of the threads about hearing aids. And I'd be glad to correspond with him privately. I'm a physican and hearing aid user, and when they work they are great. The first trial I had was a dismal failure - they were not open fit, he did not bother to look up how to use them with a stethoscope, and I had a headache in less than one minute of putting them in. Then the guy had the nerve to imply that I wasn't "motivated!" Then I had a hard time getting my second audiologist to understand that I needed a slightly non-standard adjustment, with no amplification of my normal low frequencies, and didn't care about "tinny" if I could understand soft speech better. There is a lot to consider in getting hearing aids wearable from a user point of view. I absolutely did not think I could avoid losing my aids if I had to take them in and out to use a stethoscope, hence the open fit or the special adapter for the stethoscope is a necessity. If I get worse enough, will have to go to receiver-in-canal. In a quiet area with a person with a lower pithced voice I'm good, esepcially if I am face to face even though my conscious lipreading is not really very good. Getting other people to do what they can for you is not easy; they need to know that hearing aids do not give you normal hearing and they will need to repeat or even spell occasionally if they are soft-spoken, plus you really may not hear them from behind you or from across a room. They need to know you are not insulted by a touch on the arm to get your attention instead, and that you are aware you have a hearing problem and that deaf is not stupid. (Of course that means you can't be yelling at them for "mumbling!" (don't be like my Mom was!!)
My father simply can't be bothered to wear his hearing aids. He keeps saying it doesn't occur to him to put them in, in the morning. He is very slapdash with lots of things in his life, tablets, paperwork, dress, everything tbh!
He complains all day that he can't hear the TV, but when I ask if he's got his HAs in, he just says it nothing to do with that.
He shouts all the time, shouts ont the phone, shouts while teh TVs on, shouts while talking int he street.
I've told him I can hear him from the foot of my garden when he's speaking to ppl, but that I can't hear them.Nothing I say seems to have any effect. He just thinks I'm talking nonsense.
Driving me insane. He's been living with me for four months while M&D househunt. Reaching the end of my tether :o/
No-one else says anything because they're too polite, which only adds to his belief that I'm making it all up :o/
JEM- follow up with the Audiologist or Hearing Specialist. No matter what the style of hearing aid, it should not fall out of your father's ears with proper use. It will take gentle encouragement for your father to use them. The most important time is when he is with you... Let him know that you want him to understand what you say-- not just hear. There is a big difference between understanding and hearing. Then, put a little bit of love in there. Because you want to be able to have him understand that you love him.
My sister and I bought our 87 year old Dad hearing aids. The first week he wore them they fell out; once while he was golfing (he found them in the parking lot) and once while he was at his exercise class (he found them on the ground next to him). They were adjusted to fit better but now he won't wear them to golf or to exercise, when I call him he can't hear me very well because he doesn't have his hearing aids in (but he thinks he can hear just fine). Any suggestions? Maybe contact the audiologist to follow up with him?
Would you believe that older people don't want to wear a hearing aid because they think it makes them look old? The noise does bother them, but it won't get better if they don't wear them to get used to the noise. They learn to "tune out," just as hearing people do. You may have to refuse to talk with your dad until he puts in his hearing aids. And the liability issue is a good one, because he doesn't know what he's not hearing. The nurse might ask the patient's permission to tape the session with the doctor to make sure he was hearing correctly, otherwise, he could prescribe the wrong medication if he has not heard the patient's symptoms correctly. You may need to check with the company who carries his liability insurance and get their advice.
I think that sometimes the hearing aid noise bothers, that is what my Dad always said. He said there was so much background noise. I would encourage him to try and understand how hard it is to feel like you are yelling at him. My Father always had to be looking at me to hear me... He read lips. I think it is hard when our loved ones cannot hear us. take care, J
I use to think with my Mother that it was vanity that kept her from wearing her hearing aids, and at first that was part of it, but I think Carol is right when she mentioned at his age it may be hard getting use to them. My mom likes her quiet world, she says everything is too loud with them in. She use to wear just wear one in the ear closest to where I'd sit next to her, so you may have him try that. Now I just talk her into wearing them when we go to the doctor so she can answer his questions. With her dementia, she doesn't remember how to put them on, adjust the volume or turn them off. Best Wishes!
If your Dad is still in medical practice, you might raise the prospect of liability with him: if he can't hear all his patients are saying, he could miss something important. If he isn't a solo practitioner, perhaps his partners could help make the case. This is a point which goes beyond vanity to one of his core values: caring for others. It's a shame you have to give up speaking to him, but I totally understand. I have observed, in myself, that some days I don't have the resilience to do all my Dad needs done AND repeat myself every sentence because he won't wear his hearing aids. But, on those days, I'm doing the best I can. So are you. In the end, our parents make choices which make them feel more in control of their live, even as those choices actually narrow the life they have in the moment. I'm taking notes for my future self, and hope the me then will believe the me now. Good luck to you!
I am totally deaf and have been that way since I was three. It's a misconception that you have to hear in order to drive safely. I am now 61 and have been driving since I was 19 and have an excellent driving record. We use our eyes. Also you don't need all 5 senses to stay sharp in mind. Anyway, lots of people who have hearing loss due to old age are embarrassed to wear hearing aids which I think is unfortunate, but that's the way they are. Make sure your dad doesn't want it because of his choice, not because he's embarrassed. If he just isn't interested in wearing one, not much you can do. Hearing aids don't help every one with hearing loss. It depends. I used to wear them when I was younger, but now I don't because my hearing range is now very low.
Thank you Carol for your kind reply. My dad at 87 still has his medical practice. God bless him! However, all those around him including his employees, his siblings and other family members have brought this matter up to him. He is aware of his hearing loss. Since he still drives, I've made it clear that he needs his 5 senses to safe in driving. Also, I need to use contact lenses. I'm practically blind without them. I tell my dad that we all need or will need some health instruments to assist our well being sooner or later. All to no avail.
Without malice or planning, I have found that I no longer speak to my dad. I just let him talk. Then I reflected, it's frustrating to be repeating yourself 2 out 3 mid sentences. If I raise my voice, I'm told "don't shout at me".
I read the letters of others with parents responding in the same fashion as my dad. Is it vanity? Denial of getting older? Pride? I have come to the conclusion that we as our parents' children need to be humble and tolerant and realize that this is their reality. We have to accept them as they are just as they had to accept us with all of our growing up conflicts.
Once more Carol, thank you for your thoughts and thank all of you for your honesty and expression to the community that this problem is not unique.
At is age, it's going to be hard to get used to hearing aids, so I'm afraid it's an uphill battle. Since he's a doctor, he knows better. He's known for a long time he needs them, but vanity/ego stopped him. That doesn't mean you shouldn't try. Could someone outside of the family clue him into how much he is missing - and let him know that he is adding to his risk for dementia if he doesn't do what he can for his hearing? We need all of our senses to stay sharp if our minds are to continue hanging on. He is sharp now, so he'll want to stay that way. Good luck, Carol
By proceeding, I agree that I understand the following disclosures:
I. How We Work in Washington.
Based on your preferences, we provide you with information about one or more of our contracted senior living providers ("Participating Communities") and provide your Senior Living Care Information to Participating Communities. The Participating Communities may contact you directly regarding their services.
APFM does not endorse or recommend any provider. It is your sole responsibility to select the appropriate care for yourself or your loved one. We work with both you and the Participating Communities in your search. We do not permit our Advisors to have an ownership interest in Participating Communities.
II. How We Are Paid.
We do not charge you any fee – we are paid by the Participating Communities. Some Participating Communities pay us a percentage of the first month's standard rate for the rent and care services you select. We invoice these fees after the senior moves in.
III. When We Tour.
APFM tours certain Participating Communities in Washington (typically more in metropolitan areas than in rural areas.) During the 12 month period prior to December 31, 2017, we toured 86.2% of Participating Communities with capacity for 20 or more residents.
IV. No Obligation or Commitment.
You have no obligation to use or to continue to use our services. Because you pay no fee to us, you will never need to ask for a refund.
V. Complaints.
Please contact our Family Feedback Line at (866) 584-7340 or ConsumerFeedback@aplaceformom.com to report any complaint. Consumers have many avenues to address a dispute with any referral service company, including the right to file a complaint with the Attorney General's office at: Consumer Protection Division, 800 5th Avenue, Ste. 2000, Seattle, 98104 or 800-551-4636.
VI. No Waiver of Your Rights.
APFM does not (and may not) require or even ask consumers seeking senior housing or care services in Washington State to sign waivers of liability for losses of personal property or injury or to sign waivers of any rights established under law.
I agree that:
A.
I authorize A Place For Mom ("APFM") to collect certain personal and contact detail information, as well as relevant health care information about me or from me about the senior family member or relative I am assisting ("Senior Living Care Information").
B.
APFM may provide information to me electronically. My electronic signature on agreements and documents has the same effect as if I signed them in ink.
C.
APFM may send all communications to me electronically via e-mail or by access to an APFM web site.
D.
If I want a paper copy, I can print a copy of the Disclosures or download the Disclosures for my records.
E.
This E-Sign Acknowledgement and Authorization applies to these Disclosures and all future Disclosures related to APFM's services, unless I revoke my authorization. You may revoke this authorization in writing at any time (except where we have already disclosed information before receiving your revocation.) This authorization will expire after one year.
F.
You consent to APFM's reaching out to you using a phone system than can auto-dial numbers (we miss rotary phones, too!), but this consent is not required to use our service.
There's also the issue that I've seen with VA hearing aids; my father has trouble removing them. It made me uncomfortable to see him struggling to get them out of his ears. That might be a deterrent as well.
And then there's the issue of the ambient noise - suddenly what used to be silence is now a range of noises, some of which are annoying and irritating.
He complains all day that he can't hear the TV, but when I ask if he's got his HAs in, he just says it nothing to do with that.
He shouts all the time, shouts ont the phone, shouts while teh TVs on, shouts while talking int he street.
I've told him I can hear him from the foot of my garden when he's speaking to ppl, but that I can't hear them.Nothing I say seems to have any effect. He just thinks I'm talking nonsense.
Driving me insane. He's been living with me for four months while M&D househunt. Reaching the end of my tether :o/
No-one else says anything because they're too polite, which only adds to his belief that I'm making it all up :o/
Aaaagh.......
Without malice or planning, I have found that I no longer speak to my dad. I just let him talk. Then I reflected, it's frustrating to be repeating yourself 2 out 3 mid sentences. If I raise my voice, I'm told "don't shout at me".
I read the letters of others with parents responding in the same fashion as my dad. Is it vanity? Denial of getting older? Pride? I have come to the conclusion that we as our parents' children need to be humble and tolerant and realize that this is their reality. We have to accept them as they are just as they had to accept us with all of our growing up conflicts.
Once more Carol, thank you for your thoughts and thank all of you for your honesty and expression to the community that this problem is not unique.
Best wishes to all,
Roland
That doesn't mean you shouldn't try. Could someone outside of the family clue him into how much he is missing - and let him know that he is adding to his risk for dementia if he doesn't do what he can for his hearing? We need all of our senses to stay sharp if our minds are to continue hanging on. He is sharp now, so he'll want to stay that way.
Good luck,
Carol