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Since I'm the only one who regulary visits my folks, I'm just wondering, will they most likely die at home in their beds? or is this an old-fashioned idea?
My other relatives have all died in hospitals. Maybe I need to re-configure my concept of what may be.

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My dad and I called 911 today when we couldn't get a good friend to the door. She had died during the night, but was not in bed. She seemed fine the night before and hadn't been recently ill. It's so odd to have that happen. She was in her 70's. You really never do know.
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Being able to die at home in your sleep is such a merciful end. It is a shock at the time especially to the person that finds them but many people seem to wait till they are alone and then pass in the few minutes no one is in the room. the funeral directer said heart attack probably the more correct term to use would be cardiac arrest but the funeral directer is used to helping people in the midst of shock and grief by using a simple term that anyone can understand. as far as your aunt is concerned it is not uncommon for someone to die on the toilet or as in her case the commode. The person strains and that triggers a low blood pressure event and it is the end. In her circumstances there would have been no way of resucitating her. i hope you can find peace in the way these dear people passed because that is what they would have wanted. Blessings
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I lost my father in June. He had been ill for many years. He had diabetes,thyroid problem, colon cancer survivor. He had to have two toes amputated from diabetes. He went through surgery fine. The Dr. wanted to put him in a nursing home. Thank God, when my father had colon cancer (11yrs) prior. He got me to take him to a lawyer and he drew up Poa for medical and financial. My mom took her papers to the nurses station, about 20 min later my father was being released. The Dr would not speak to us. This was in March. He went to a wound center once a week. Home health came in three times a week. He had a wound vac on but he had gotten it off about two weeks before he died. He had been doing great, the home health nurse came on Saturday and said she would see him Wednesday. My mom found him Monday morning, she went to give him his medication and realized he was gone. It was awful that he was gone. I am so glad he was home, that is right where he would have wanted to be. Mom blamed herself because he died but my father had 6 or 7 people around at all times, We would put him on his roll walker, regular wheelchair. We put handicapped shower in when he couldn't get into the tub. The funeral director told us he died from a heart attack. What was strange, I mom took care of his mother for 5 years. She went to wake her up and realized she was dead. It was surreal that something could happen to both of them. I hope I go the same way. I know there are alot of people do not go as peaceful. My aunt was found on the commode when she passed away, They had to drain a five gallon bucket of water off her body before they could move her.
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Dying on the toilet is not uncommon because the person is straining and this causes a cardiac event. Fast and painless for the patient. Being found dead beside the bed is also a common event caused by a severe drop in blood pressure when they stand up. If this happens to your loved one do not feel guilty there is nothing you should or could have done differently
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Accompany them to MD visits, and you will have a much better idea of how long they will live well, which is far more important.
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My son is an EMT in a large city. Many people he sees die (I know this sounds awful, but it's true) on the toilet. That's where they find them. When the police go for a welfare check, that's usually where they are.

So much for the facts, at least the facts as he has witnessed. Sure enough, each morning when I'm in the city, I hear the EMT's and police cars going to some house to check on an elderly person. Many are also found on the floor near their beds.

So, dying in your sleep sounds wonderful. Death is not an easy threshold to cross. And it's painful to watch as our elders become someone we don't know. Minute by minute, day by day, week by week, month by month I watch as my own mother loses her personality to this dread dementia. It slowly creeps up, taking away her ability to swallow, her ability to hold a fork/knife; her ability to care for her hygienic needs, and the list goes on. Her ability to be dignified. Even her ability to watch a simple tv show. Her ability to even know she's got dementia!
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We should be so lucky.
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I'm only asking since my Dad has dementia, and some days he sleeps so much, sometimes I wonder if "this is it".....
However they are in process of emptying out their home and we're trying to find a place for Dad. Mom might move in with my family, or she might rent a senior apartment. They can't afford to live in same facility (and Mom is really very much alive, she will probably get better when she is relieved of Dad duty).
I just wonder if Dad might even slip away some night before we ever have him moved to a memory care place. And then I started wondering if Mom moved in with my family, would she maybe slip away at my own home, some night, or whenever. I guess I need to be more open about what Death is all about.
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Wow... it is awful hard to lose a loved one while they seem well, but then that means they got to live happy and active life 'til as close to the end as possible; it can never seem like a good thing when it happens though. My aunt died somewhat suddenly like that which was devastating to my cousin who was going to move her in with her in the small PA town near W. Virginia where she was pastor. Her dad had done the same thing years earlier, just sat down in his favorite chair for a nap and apparently had a cardiac event and did not get back up. It seemed awful until my parent's passing, which were of the long drawn out years in skilled care variety instead. My mom had fallen at home and would have died right then - apparently suddenly - had a neighbor not found her in time to get her to the hospital. It kind of dawned on me that my aunt possibly went the same way and just didn't have as good of a nosy neighbor. But, my mom never got to come back home, and not for want of trying. We made some memories during those 3 1/2 years, some good some bad. Her actual death was more difficult, even in the hospice - she had some pain and distress and they were there with the morphine to ease it but it was still a rough passage. If she had just quietly passed on in the night while I was staying over sleeping on the daybed nearby it would have been easier on her and all right with me too, at least knowing what I know now.
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it is not uncommon for elderly people who become bed-bound to develop hypostatic pneumonia. In this condition, the patient slips into unconsciousness and dies without regaining consciousness, It is called The Old Man's Friend because it is a gentle way to die.
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absolutely not
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Please do not put "most elderly" in any sentence as each person is unique with unique health concerns. Your parents will die when they die. No one knows for certain, but if you are that concerned put a plastic barrier underneath the sheets as all bodily fluids will be released at time of death.
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Ironic. Mom told me just this morning, that she knows she will die in her sleep. What she is so worried about, is that I will be the one to find her in the morning.
I am glad she thinks this, and I,of course, hope it is a peaceful, sleeping end. But I too am Terrified at the thought.
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my mom died in bed. My sister helped her to bathroom around 6 that morning and when we went to give her meds she was gone this was a couple hours after her bathroom visit.
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My husband's 97 y.o. Aunt, who's care he managed, died during the night last night, so this question touches very close to home! She went to sleep and went peacefully during the night. She was in a Board and Care home where she had been living over the last year. It was a good passing!
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Some members of my family apparently died in their sleep. Towards the end of their lives they were inactive and were sleeping most of the time, and then their vital functions simply starting shutting down, medical specialists had noted that their skin was getting grayish, and they went peacefully afterward, lying on their backs with their mouths open. I suppose whether they were asleep or unconscious at the time could be a matter of debate.
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My mother always used to say that she and my father would die of old age in their sleep. She refused to discuss or make any plans. She suffered a serious stroke and lived on in a nursing home for 4 1/2 years. Sadly it was a long, slow journey. She has been gone 7 months now.
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I just lost my dad last week, he was eighty two. He had a pacemaker put in about two months prior. He seemed to be in good shape saying he never felt better. He really took good care of himself and was of sound mind. Why then, did he die in his own bed? I feel robbed of the little time we had left. I still don't know how he died. Checked on him at seven a.m. He was sleeping again at eight he was cold I live with my parents and thought for sure mom would go first due to different illnesses . Now it's just us two. I wonder, is she going to be able to stay in her own home? It's paid for, but the income from what I understand will be reduced now that he's passed. So many questions and my heart went with him, I loved that man so much, he will be missed , he was my rock.
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I have two friends who both had fathers with terminal illnesses. They both thought they had a certain amount of time with their fathers. Both gentlemen succumbed to something other than their terminal illness, and much prior to the anticipated time frame. Both of my friends were devastated by the turn of events. It brought home to me that even when we think we know, we do not. Hug your loved ones!
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This was a simple question about people dying in their sleep not whether at home, hospital,long term care facility etc, the answer is only a fortunate few pass that way.
They may be watching TV, chopping wood, making dinner, involved in an auto accident or quietly or not so quietly lying in their beds. There are as many ways of dying as there are people
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Dying in one's sleep probably is the best you can hope for, as Kenny Rogers said in "The Gambler," but most people aren't that fortunate.

My MIL is 81, and she's been insisting for years now that her 90-year-old live-in boyfriend has "lost the will to live" and will go to sleep one night and not wake up. He seems pretty lively to me, shouting on the telephone and drinking like a fish, with no sign yet of his liver shutting down. He may well make it to 100.

The key is to make plans other than assuming your elderly LO will pass away quietly in their sleep.
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Death comes to all, but usually not in their sleep. Get your parents some help if they are frail or have long term medical conditions that could be fatal. If you are seriously worried, put them in AL so they can be monitored on a daily basis.
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I read a recent study that said most die in extended care facilities including hospitals. Wherever God sees fit! Best wishes.
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If only that was true.. I have lost many loved ones who would have preferred that less painful way to die.
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Even doctors can't predict exactly when a person will die, but most people die from an illness that happens over time. Only occasionally do they have a heart attack or something of that nature that takes them in their sleep (which would be the choice of many, but sadly often isn't the case).

If they are very sick for a long time, they often die in a hospital. If you have someone who is close to death and is in pain of any kind, please contact hospice. They can help make the person comfortable in his or her own home, if that is the choice.

If you have more information for us, we could help more, so please feel free to write again.
Carol
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no...
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I think it is not possible to predict when and where someone will die, especially far ahead of the fact.

My husband was on hospice care at home. Since he spent most of his time in bed at that point, it was logical to assume he would die in bed. He did. But he was awake and alert right up to the end.

His brother died of a heart attack while putting his shoes on.

I don't know about "an old-fashioned idea" but some people do die in their beds. (I suppose that the more time one spends in bed the more likely this is.) Others do not.
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I do not think that most people die, at home, in their sleep. I do not know the percentages, but most go to nursing homes. I always wonder why it comes as such a surprise to people, that they need to plan for their care, as they age?
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