My step dad (77) has only peripheral vision in one eye, macular degeneration in the other, and recently lost consciousness behind the wheel, caused a serious accident, and received 3 tickets. By Illinois law he was supposed to have his license suspended for 6 months, but somehow that was not submitted to the state. He is not safe, but thinks he should drive ('must not be that bad') since he has his license and it is not suspended.
Suggestions appreciated. I don't know where to start. His doctor, SOS, health department, or other.
Suggestions appreciated.
If he still has to go to the bathroom
Then try 6 pm
I stop drinking at 5 pm will sip a little water
This should help until you can arrange for his license to be voided by his doctor or the DMV.
Your stepfather sounds like he will continue to put innocent people's lives in jeopardy by driving sneakily even if he has no valid license or insurance, so get a steering wheel lock to which you keep the key ASAP.
https://www.autozone.com/alarm-and-security/security-lock
Suggestions: As a concerned person or caregiver
1. Go inquire on why his lisence was not suspended
2. Talk to his PCP and share your concern
If no one is willing to help, send a certified letter to the courts and to his doctor with a formal request for help. This will show a genuine concern for your stepfather and the public. Hopefully this will get the
ball rolling.
While I realize it might be more difficult for some seniors to navigate some of these options -especially with the added requirement of using technology to reserve rides, there are so many options out there - and to your point - might even save money over the gas, insurance and upkeep.
Plenty of young adults don't even bother to have cars anymore - with the availability of rideshares like Uber/Lift.
And it doesn't impact their independence at all.
How did he pay those three tickets? Contact that court and find out why they never put the suspension on his license. Call your DMV, explain the accident, and find out what has to happen to get the suspension. Call his doctors. Doctors who treat people for epilepsy report seizure activity to pull the license until the patient has gone x number of months without a seizure. Considering his eyesight and the recent wreck, would seem very likely the doctor who treats him for his sight could help to get a form to file and medical records to back it up.
Google DMV. There is a form you can print out and then fill out the form and mail it back. It may take a few weeks but your dad will get a notice from DMV regarding an appointment with a date, address, and time. Take your dad to the appointment and they will give him a driving test. If he fails, they revoke his license that day.
The form is called Request for Driver Review.
Then you will have to step in if he won't give up his driving rights. My mom still drove. She wouldn't stop even though we told her she could go to jail.
I so wish you luck. It was VERY hard to do this and I had to do it with both my parents.
Go first to your DMV with POA and his drivers license in hand. See if they will cancel his license and give you a replacement ID card. Take that home with a blank set of keys for his key chain. Then you can lay down the law, say it's over, here's your new license for your wallet, DVM says no driving. Don't mention the blank keys, replace the real keys with the blanks, let him keep them in his pocket.
This is not easy, my 5' self stood toe to toe with my 6' husband in the driveway and said no damn way! This went on for over 2 months, every time we were going somewhere, I was in the drivers seat! He never drove again, and like someone else said he began to enjoy it after a bit. AND........ he never killed anyone! That's what you MUST keep in mind. Someone else's life, someone else's child!
Blessings for you and your family!
https://tirf.ca/wp-content/uploads/2017/01/MTO_cognitive_meta_6.pdfe
My husband just tested, it's a virtual driving test and it is understood that it was just step one in the inevitable license loss................it is a legal tool and no one's fault. Anger will erupt when the license is revoked, but that's what medication is for.
(copy and paste)
https://www.dmv.com/il/illinois/dmv-office?tg1=DVA&utm_content=dmv.com&utm_medium=dmv_&tg7=dmv_&utm_source=dmv.com&tg9=dmv.com&utm_term=organic_dmv&utm_campaign=organic_dmv
Contact the doctor and ask him/her to put a stop on him. Go to the Illinois State Patrol Office and notify them. Mom can call a tow-truck driver to move his truck to a storage facility (after you let the police not to put the vehicle on the stolen list if Dad reports it).
I think what needs to be emphasized is what this means for your parent. Not having a license can be very anxiety producing as they don't know how they are going to maintain their sense of independence without it. Help your dad to create a plan so that he feels like he can still get around and it doesn't require calling you to come get him when he wants to run up the street to the store for something. When he see's a plan that can actual work he may be willing to give up his license more easily. My dad has mac deg and was willing to give up his license more easily because my mom was still driving, so she was his fall back plan. My mom now should be giving it up but doesn't want to because it means absolute loss of independence. We are exploring things like selling the car to create a cab slush fund, door delivery of groceries and medicines and take out, community services that pick up seniors and take them to outings and appointments.
Good luck, I know it's not easy.
* Contact the DMV
* Avoid his ability to drive - some people are very willful in this regard.
- Disassemble parts of the car so he can't drive it (if he might).
- Plug up key hole so the key won't go in.
- Take the battery out of the 'key' if that kind of key.
- Change the key on his key ring so it doesn't work.
* As needed, notify the police dept that he is / might be driving and that you are in the process of getting his license revoked.
IMPORTANT _________________
(1) Give him a lot of room to vent as this is a huge loss for him. He will be angry and give you reasons why he can drive.
- Be compassionate - yet firm.
- Might 'not' be a time to say "xxx will drive you to xxx' as this reinforces his lack of independence although it will let him know he isn't stuck (in the house). The timing of this is important.
(2) Do not argue with him. Do reflective listening, i.e., "I understand you feel xxx"
(3) Watch Teepa Snow's webinar on this issue. It is very informative. If you can't find it on her website, call her office.
Gena / Touch Matters
It sounds like your father has no business driving. Contact a doctor or the BMV who can give him a simulated driving test to prove to him that it is dangerous for him to be on the road. Then you'll need to figure out who is going to take on those tasks for him that he would normally do for himself with a car.
Addition to all the great info here. In your response to blue-eyed you mentioned not being able to contact the PCP because of HIPPA? It's not a violation of HIPPA for you to provide info to the physician. They may not respond since if you are not authorized on release of info. You can always give them info if you concerned about your LO. It may actually help the medical team to understand all the things that happen outside of the 15-20 minutes they see their patient. My mom was very convincing at the Dr's office. I began slipping the receptionist a note when we checked in and noticed the evaluations and line of questioning change once they had more information. Then I continued to update in this manner. The doctor continued to address my mom with his questions, knowing what the real answers were already. It allowed her to maintain some sense of autonomy. Granted, she was allowing me to go in to her appointments. My point is YOU can share info with the medical team. HIPPA protects your SD from them sharing with you if he hasn't approved.
This is a tough situation all the way around. This group always has wonderful suggestions and support. Best to you!
If I were you, I’d go straight to the doctor. There’s a form they fill out and turn it into the DMV.
Good luck!
2. Get him evaluated by his doctor. Anonymously report him as an unsafe driver to the DMV.
3. This is going to be a very tough battle but tough love: take all car keys away from him NOW. In addition, remove the vehicle from an accessible area. Tell Dad the car is in the shop and just do not know when it will be available to use.
4. Discuss how dangerous it is to continue to drive and how much it will destroy this family financially and physically, cause severe injuries, perhaps lead to one or more deaths.
5. Finally, discuss alternate transportation plans, such as rideshare. He may be eligible for paratransit. With his sight conditions, does he use a white cane? There is also the guide dog as a useful option if able to use public transit.