We researched and looked at memory care places for months, before admitting my mother-in-law to one almost a month ago. She has been sent to the hospital three times already for aggressive behavior. They asked us not to visit for the first couple of weeks so she could adjust and get into a schedule. They are now making us pay for a round-the-clock sitter. It's costing $1000/day on top of the $7500/ month to the memory care place itself.. Who has that kind of money?? We haven't sold her house yet. They have switched her meds 3x. She also has chronic UTI's. Usually due to her bad eating habits and lack of self-care. Before she was put into the unit, she was in the hospital, then rehabbing place. Total of 3 months. Before that she was living at home by herself and refusing help with health, meds, home-care, bills,etc. We(family) had all offered. She is EXTREMELY stubborn. Has been a widow for 30 years and lost her daughter/roommate of 15 years almost 5 years ago. She is only 76. She ONLY wants to get back to her car and home. She is constantly exit-seeking. We keep explaining to doctors, friends, lawyers, etc. that she isn't that old and none of us are retired, so full-time care can't be at any of our homes at this time. When you are looking for places, I feel they all want your money and are hoping to get a model patient. When your loved one turns out to have "needs" then all of a sudden they tell you that they aren't a "long-term" facility and aren't staffed or equipped for this level of need. They failed to mention that when we were touring. Hmm... where to next?
Wishing you and your family well.
His dementia is not too bad yet and is in AL, but I think he's heading in this direction.
So they say a 24 hour sitter is needed and then they will keep her? Is that their own employed sitter? What if you said you want to bring in your own sitter. YOu may through an agency be able to get that to $800/day or less. But yes, that is still a steep cost. Interested to hear what others say.
oh other question - can they get her on some meds to reduce the violent activity?
In reality, no facilty is going to accept violent Alzheimer's patients. Why? Because other residents live there too and shouldn't have to be exposed to violent people, nor should the staff, but more importantly, your MIL should not be living this way either!
MIL needs to see a geriatric psychiatrist and to be put on medication to stabilize her behavior before she can be placed in managed care without a sitter. While you can't be expected to care for her yourself at home, you cannot expect her to be cared for in AL with these violent behaviors either. An environment of calm must exist in AL for all residents to thrive. Had my mother been exposed to a violent resident in her Memory Care Assisted Living facility, I'd have raised hell, as you can imagine.
Get your MIL properly evaluated and medicated by a geriatric psychiatrist first and foremost. She deserves a calm life as much as the other residents do. AD is bad enough to deal with without adding extreme agitation into the mix. I'm sorry for you, your MIL and everyone dealing with this situation. I hate dementia with every ounce of my being, it destroys lives for ALL concerned.
Do note that Morningstar Assisted Living at 5344 S Kipling between Bowles and Belleview has a bit of a different approach on things. They have AL and Memory Care, but also take residents who'd normally only qualify for Skilled Nursing. They may be a good source of info for you about finding help for MIL as well as a good fit for her living arrangements once she's stabilized. The administration there, I'm sure, has dealt with situations like yours in the past, whereas other facilities have a pat answer in place. Send the resident to the hospital, hire a sitter, the end. They don't try to get a true remedy to the problem the poor elder is suffering from, which is the TRUE GOAL.
Wishing you the best of luck with a difficult situation.
No, 1,000 a day isn't sustainable unless there is tremendous wealth here. For this you would be able to get in home care.
This is a matter of inadequate and insufficient medical care. This requires transfer to neuro-psyc MD and facility that is specifically neuro-psyc equipped to adequately address what kind of medication or medication cocktails can keep this person who is out of control in some state of control so that care can be managed.
If needs are very outrageous you sometimes do find some demented who must be medicated almost into some sort of stupor before there is relief from acting out with violence. That is very sad when it happens and means that you may be entering a palliative/hospice situation eventually, as little nourishment is often taken by such patients.
This is about as bad as it gets with dementia and this is a medical issue that must be addressed. The family needs to be aware that there is often, in such dire and extreme cases no good answer. Not everything can be fixed. Nor can it be maintained long at 1,000 a day.
I am so dreadfully sorry. What a tragedy to think of living in this manner for any amount of time. A torture. An absolute torment to which I would think no version of "hell" could compare.