My mother died from what was probably stroke-induced dementia in 2019. She was a zombie for about two years. My father has short-term memory loss that will inevitably worsen. I have a disorder that can lead to dementia and have been on medication that studies show can cause dementia. I have no children and my husband is 7 years older than I. As for my siblings, I wouldn't trust any of them near me. I don't want to end up destroyed by dementia with no one to care for me properly. While assisted suicide is available in a number of states, the rules are a cruel slap in the face to those who face dementia. You have to be considered competent when you make the decision but you must make the decision if you have only six months to live. This is nice for a lot of diseases but doesn't really work for dementia. I've found a few organizations in Switzerland and the Netherlands that allow a mentally competent person to obtain assisted suicide at any time. You have to jump through a lot of hoops and it costs a lot, but it's something to think about. If my husband goes before I do, I think that is what I'll do.
Per responses to your question here we are not alone and someone mentioned quality of life I agree what quality of life is there when you are bed ridden having to be fed, bathed and changed? I do not want for me this “quality of life”
There are worse things than death and dementia is one of them....
After seeing what alzheimers did to my mother I am absolutely terrified of it. I think out of any terminal illness it is by far the one I least want. But unfortunately for me, the most likely I will get.
Modern medical science has evolved to the point where we can now keep people alive for a long time, much too long, and there seems to have been so little emphasis on quality of life, just fact of life. In this quest to do anything we can to keep people alive it is like a form of torture spanning years. I absolutely cannot fathom the thought of this for myself.
I am really hoping the law and science around euthanasia develops significantly in the next 20 or so years to allow people to die with dignity.
Which is that you can have 2 million worth of government paid whatever through your lifespan. If you didn’t pursue these very expensive treatments and end up double incontinent and or with dementia, it is only fair that Medicare should pay for you as versus someone who elected to take every treatment available.
The last two years of pandemic have been tragic and heartbreaking.
It was enough to think about.
It is time to attempt to come out the other side, get your thoughts and lives in order. Start to function better, as best you can. (This statement is called tough love).
Thinking of suicide is a common human condition.
However, no one will be doing well entertaining those thoughts.
I say pass on that kind of thinking, put it aside. If you must, speak to a psychiatrist about your thoughts. But decide you will not act on it.
If you want to get through this time, give up any interest or obsessions or curiosity about the dark side of life. Choose life, so that you might live, and live abundantly.
Yes, I am not unaware you have rights. You also have the right to live.
develop some kind of dementia. Should I sense the beginning of dementia and my husband is gone, I will seek assisted suicide. The other reason is that I have suffered for more than 50 years from a complex mood disorder. I have pursued treatment for almost the entire time and never found relief. I just today spoke with a bipolar disorder clinic psychiatrist who is going to send an assessment in a week. But the clinic does not offer the newer treatments, so I'm afraid I'll be back to the same drugs that haven't worked well in the past, many of which have unacceptable side effects. So, I'm working on trying to make it better and we'll see. It's not that I want to commit suicide, it's that I'm very tired.
I, too, am not suicidal. But when realize that I am going to need help to live, I plan to exit. My husband and I both have decided this. I even dreamed one night that I was having a funeral. I was alive and basically, it was a party for me to say goodbye. I think that's a wonderful way to go.
My mother has wanted to go to sleep and not wake up for more than 5 years. Today she is in a wheelchair, losing her memories, and living in Assisted Living. I go to see her and most of the time she is sitting in her chair in her room alone and asleep. Breaks my heart to think she's doing this for hours every day. Fortunately, she is in a good facility and they bring her out of her room regularly.
We had to peacefully euthanize our family dog last year, and I think all the time about how we afforded him that mercy but can’t stop the suffering of humans in our life who are begging for an end to their sheer misery.
Euthanasia/suicide are obviously so complex as issues.
as an issue.
I will just stop with all the pills I have to take, especially heart and blood pressure,
and wait for nature to take it's course. My daughter states that it is the cowards way out but I don't think she has a clue. I wish she would come up and visit Mike and see all the zombies [poor frightened things!] that are in the Home. She would
perhaps re-think her opinions on this matter.
I died once in the hospital for two minutes and glory be, did I have an experience but we won't go into that because I am already called crazy by the people of this building I live in! I told one lady I trusted and she shared it with everyone else and they are low IQ'd and nasty. I keep things to myself now. I am moving this weekend just to get away from the building. The Home isn't the only place where people are childish when older. Believe me!
My two cents worth.
Temper. :}
My Mom does not have a condition that would allow assisted suicide, even if she didn't have dementia. Just being old and wanting to die is not a reason for assisted suicide.
I've seriously re-thought about the "good to live long" concept.
Regarding starvation as a way to die, my ex-mother-in-law attempted that. All she wanted to do was to die in her own house. Her kids were gone, she had done everything she wanted to do in her life, her siblings passed away, her spouse passed away decades earlier, she couldn't relate to the people who had moved into the neighborhood, plus she was now on a street that had traffic. The problem is that when she starved herself, she lost the ability to control her muscles, which meant that someone found her on the floor with urine. After being in the hospital, she was deemed to not be able to live by herself, therefore, she never returned home, and died in a nursing home(?) 5 years later. Starvation isn't for the faint of heart.
Sometimes I think that dying of a heart attack might be a good thing....
....and no, I am not suicidal....
Best of luck to you both, there is hope, please do not give up, the 1 little thing that they say and forget about it 3 seconds later that makes you laugh, that unexpected action that warms you heart makes things worth it.
I will be sending you thought of strength.
I am also concerned about my own possible end of life, as my mother died from dementia and both my sisters have Alzheimer’s. I’ve care for them all and I don’t envision that for myself. I volunteer with End of Life Washington and have assisted 30 or more people using Death with Dignity, otherwise known as medical aid in dying. It is fast and peaceful and the body does not blow up, as one person below indicated. However, it is not available for Alzheimer’s and dementia patients. There are two other options. VSED or Voluntarily Stopping Eating and Drinking is one way. It takes about two weeks and requires caregivers and a death doula is recommended. One drawback is that the required care for two weeks is expensive and usually out of pocket. See VSEDResources.com for more info.
Another option is Final Exit Network. Both are legal and can get the job done.
I’m only providing information and not making recommendations. But, I am passionate about both my roles of caregiving and helping people die. Feel free to reach out if you want to talk more or just visit Endoflifewashington.org to see what kind of advanced planning options there are.
We've been taking about all the many ways to avoid languishing in pain or loss of, when the end is in sight. Hospice does offer morphine and other drugs to minimize these issues. "Death with Dignity" is a very important alternative so that friends and family are not the ones left behind with the sight of a deceased loved one. I believe the body blows up and smells horrific; that is not how I want to be remembered, nor do I want to be responsible for someone else's PTSD.
Personally, I would prefer to take Fentanyl; from what I've seen, it's quick and easy. So many unsuspecting addicts take it for a joy ride, but if it can be used medically to induce a smooth ride to the Pearly Gates, why not? We've put too many precious pets down for the sake of mercy, why don't we deserve the same love and respect for a life well lived?
Do it where nobody but wild animals will have to see your carcass.
It was horrific for the family, for the boy and for our entire neighbourhood. We all heard the shot.
For me, I’d do either a Tijuana trip for animal euthanasia drugs, which are also barbiturates. Or I’d get on hospice and horde however much morphine and Ativan as possible and keep asking for more so I could have a stash.
I'll leave a note for family. I never want to be a burden to them.
https://www.canada.ca/en/health-canada/services/medical-assistance-dying.html#b11
People can now make a statement that they want MAiD while of sound mind, even if they suffer from dementia in the future.
My Godmother chose MaiD, my uncle is considering it. I know my mother does not want to live if she loses control of either her mind or her body.
It becomes a burden on families. One person is sacrificed to give up their job to take care of these folks. The sacrificial lamb or goat is left with not enough money in their retirement savings and will be living a life of uncertainty in their own golden and twilight years. Then you have the family infighting of who is going to do what.
Reading these stories on Aging Care has gotten me triggered because it is a wakeup call to reality. At a certain age, we cannot trash our own lives to save someone else out fear, obligation and guilt.
Alzheimer's could wipe out any kind of planning, so you'd have to act pretty soon after it was clear you had it.
Everyone should have an Advance Directive filled out and kept by people who would need to know about it.
My frustration with my mother has to do with a number of issues. She has had so many periods dating back to my childhood when she couldn't cope and stayed in bed. She practiced Christian Science. That did not solve two hip and one knee replacement along with countless other issues. I tried to have her be healthier.
During Covid she developed a septic infection. She spent time in a hospital and was released to rehab and then SN. She hasn't walked since. 9 months ago she was dropped by an aid who went against protocol and both her femurs were broken. She then developed a horrific bedsore which she still has. She has to be catheterized. I feel very bad about all of this but there is nothing else for me to do but visit and see countless residents whose quality of life is nonexistent at least from my viewpoint. Crying, screaming for help or totally out of it. I don't know how anyone could want this.
So, now at 68, I see my friends watching and caring for their 95 year old parents, watching them swim upside down like a dying goldfish for what seems like forever, fighting with siblings for time or inheritance, and I am so thankful my parents (my step father, too) went so early and quickly. It is the most loving thing to do. At some point, it will be too late to have any say in our treatment. That is the what scares me the most. Thanks, mom, and don't worry about me, kids, I have a plan.