It seems to be getting worse the past year and my experience recently is mainly on the phone with her. At any opportunity to "take-over" the converstation she does but it's the topic realigned to her own fictional narrative with people it is unclear she ever met, with minute details that seem impossible anyone could remember. So it seems she is making it all up spontaneously and will go on for 10-20 minutes without stop unless she is strongly interrupted. As if she is in a trance or dreaming.
I subtley tried to "call her bluff" on one extreme example and she became very angry and refused to understand why she was being questioned. In this case, other people also questioned her.
But other than this she seems mentailly fine and I can find no information similar to this. She does not hallucinate or talk to imaginary people as far as I know. Any ideas?
Seriously, some people seem very skilled and spinning a good yarn, telling tall tales, and inventing stories. They generally know that is what they are doing. They can't resist and opportunity to say "that reminds me of the time I had lunch with Bill Clinton, and ..." and off they go. They know they are making something up for entertainment, and except for the youngest family present, they don't really expect others to take them seriously.
I take it that this does not describe your mother. You think she believes what she makes up? And this behavior is new? I guess I'd keep a close eye on her other behavior. Aside from boring or annoying people she converses with, this practice so far doesn't seem too dangerous.
and all the drama she would add- ....--so reading your post made me think -my mom may
have had the beginings of dementia years ago--- but who really knows?
and then what- worry about it,? start those meds-with all their side effects,? or just continue our lives, although i wish i had been able to enjoy and appreciate -my mom more than i did in the past-- because
the future really hands out some low blows.....sorry to sound a bit on the dark side,
im just projecting-thank god for this site---it helps me to put life in perspective....i like the idea ,if the stories are creative, u might have a bestseller on your hands.....k
It is also (in my opinion) good for the loved one. Available medications, such as they are, work best in early stages, Why not take advantage of them while they provide an advantage? Waiting until later stage makes some of them unlikely to be effective. Demented persons benefit when their caregivers know what the heck is going on and can respond appropriately and lovingly. Non drug treatments also work best in the early and moderate stages and can help hold off the progression a bit longer. Wouldn't that be a good thing? If you have a terminal disease that is going to get worse and worse, wouldn't you like to have the relatively mild symptoms last as long as they could?
None of us can go back and change the past, and I wouldn't want anyone beating themselves up that they didn't know sooner. But for those who are wondering if they should have Mom or Dad (or spouse) checked out earlier rather than later, my vote is Yes!
I appreciate your responses, gives me more to think about. She will be 75 soon so I will research what is needed for a test.
My mother is the Ernest Hemingway of BS. She's not demented, but her pathological lying has become an art form over time. As a child, she never got much attention except when Grandma smacked her around for being unruly. As a teenager, she tried to become a bully but got her a__ kicked every time. As a pseudo-Mom, she cursed like a sailor to get us to fear her and became physically abusive to let us know she meant business. As a wife ... I'm not even going to go there. Suffice it to say that didn't work either.
Now she's a storyteller and an entertainer. The craving for the spotlight and total control are still there. But she does it in a manner that people don't feel like slapping her face or cutting her tongue out. ... And she uses glorious food to hold everyone hostage and under her spell. It's amazing.
If there's a funny side to the corporal abuse inflicted on her children, she'll find it. The "prison" she went to Upstate NY was actually a home for pregnant girls in Peekskill; she was never a member of the Black Panthers either. The only gang she belong to were truant girls who cut school and roamed the subways with older boys in the '50s. She wanted to be accepted, to be "hip" so badly I almost feel sorry for her.
In her neverending quest for self-identity and self-esteem, she's become a legend in her own mind. Her IQ must be triple-digit. ... It takes a very sharp intellect to keep up all those stories -- and lies -- straight.
... I'm getting bored. Let me give her a call. See if she whips up some of that famous "mondongo" (tripe stew). Nothing like a little grease to warm up the cockles of your heart for a couple of hours.
-- Ed
necessarily an indicator or symptom of dementia. However, if your
concern and the pattern of embellishment persist, it would be wise to
consult a primary care physician.
She rode the senior bus to the doctor - left at 9:30 a.m. and got home at 12:30 pm - but tells everyone she got home after 3 and it was the most horrible ride and then exaggerates how many stops they made along the way.
We removed the battery from her wall clock because we could hear it bonging in the night through the baby monitor - we used one for a few months while she recuperated from surgery. Her son and I explained exactly WHY we were removing the battery and my hubby removed it. Now, 2 years later - she told her social worker that I 'came into her apt in a HUFF and said I couldn't stand that noisy clock and took the batter out. SHE didn't have the RIGHT to do that, did SHE??? (said in her most pathetic victim voice).
She told a friend recently that her husband bled to death from a ruptured esophagus. Bleeding put him into the hospital, but that stopped. He spent 6 weeks hospitalized and died because he could not swallow and eventually the decision was made to withhold nourishment because we would never recover. I was with her when he died - he died peacefully in his sleep. (but telling someone he bled to death sounds more dramatic, I guess.)
Most of what my MIL says is negative and about ME - her caregiver. I have had to distance myself because hearing her say these untrue things and having her twist my motives and impugn wrong motives to the kindnesses I do for her makes me feel ill.
Her doctor says she does NOT have dementia - she has anger/rage issues and I am her target. :0(
But, there is NOT ONE THING that my mother in law says that you can say is 100% accurate. Every single thing she says is embellished and exaggerated and often 'made up completely.' My husband said his mom has always done this - it is just MUCH WORSE now that she is older.
If you say anything - especially about something that is outrageous - she gets angry. If she thinks something - then it is true. If she says it happened - then it did. Pretty hard to take. She sounds perfectly normal - and acquaintances would not know she was lying. But, since we know what she does, has done and can do and where she goes and who she sees, WE KNOW that she is weaving tales. Surely this isn't 'normal.'
I've been holding myself in exile in my room to keep the arguing down to a minimum. Seem like every other day is major knock down about whatever topic she can pick. I've had an upset tummy due to all of the fighting and today was rough. My mother goes for walks. We've had several "talks" about it. Today she left without letting me know (i did hear her leave tho) and she took our dog. Apparently there was a little doggie problem and she was trying to keep our dog who was freaking out away from a overgrown Rottie pup and 2 poodles that was on the loose. She told me the story. I asked if she had her phone with her. No. She became instantly MAD at me. Crying and carrying on. I had to sit with her and ask several times what the problem was. That just makes everything worse. Finally i figured it was a game. She wanted to know if i cared enough to ask if she was okay. Of course she was...she standing right there...I told her maybe it was time she left the dog at home and went on her own, OR i should assist her. That just made it worse.
So in reading the other stories...I have to remember that she will go in and out of being my sweet mom. But the arguments that have been with us for over three years are probably the onset of early dementia. Heck, we might be in the middle stages I dont know. So the next time I feel us heading in that argumentative direction, i will remember some of your stories and try to head it off at the pass. Until then.....everyone take care ... and hugs all around