He wants me to stay away now and I'm very hurt and concerned. PLEASE HELP! what can I do-Dad (80) let very young gold digger move in with him after 10 dates. Slight Alcohol related dimentia. Moved down to FL to be near dad (now 80) that needed help (alcoholic) cleaned his house, got him straightened out-took. 6 yrs. 2 visits a day. He just took on a girlfriend that looks 25 (a massuse) move in with him after about 10 dates. He is keeping me away from him and does not want me to spend any time with either of them. He has no use for me NOW. I met her when I was allowed to say "hello" at his door and she was not all made up and ready to spend time with me. I am not apparently welcome anymore and and very hurt and concerned. -- p.s. he is very stubborn by the way. . What should I do? ---he is talking about setting up a massage parlor for her and buying 1/2 her stake in some mobile home. Marriage is in the works and I am devastated after 3 failed marriages for him and 3 badly failed live ins.
Other siblings wish him well with this circumstnce, are far away and could not care if he died. More $$ for them..
Run a background check on this gal. Does she have a real massage license, just for starters. If she does, report her to the licensing agent, the license could be revoked, thus she won't be able to open her parlor. Get the city business license people notified, that sort of thing.
Throw some monkey wrenches in to this thing. Perhaps she's done this before. (Is she Roma by any chance? That's the sort of scheme they are known for.).
You might also contact your father's bank and let them know about this woman's maneuvering. They may have ways to deal with this, and THEY can report suspicious activities to the authorities.
Sure you'll get other suggestions. You may want to have the county sue for conservatorship to protect his estate. Sounds like you suing for it would be too problematical.
The original poster has also mother with cc debt. and other issues. Whew!
On the other hand, if your dad marries this woman, you can quit being your dad's "mother" and the new woman can take over. It seems with three failed marriages and three failed live-ins, your dad is determined (stubbornly so) to lead a tumultuous life. He doesn't seem to appreciate how you have helped straighten up his life so maybe you will just have to say "so long, Dad, and good luck!" and just make the most of your own life. You could let the rest of the siblings know that, since they are in favour of this marriage and won't help you do anything about stopping it, they will have to the ones that pick up the pieces next time when your dad is in trouble again (which he probably will be).
I don't know which way you will want to go but I certainly understand your hurt and concern. I wish you strength and wisdom in deciding what to do. Please keep me posted. I am sure others will soon respond and offer more suggestions.
He may have gone to AA...does he have an AA buddy? Those types don't put up with BS like this.
I take it no one is really expecting an inheritance out of this family.
Do not make yourself sick over this. Your father has a compulsive need to be self-destructive. Please do not go down with the sinking ship. And even if he does figure out that this girl is a walking scam and gets rid of her, do not jump in and become the unpaid help again. Set up someone to clean, do errands, etc. Bolster your self-esteem before dealing with him again. Take care.
Good luck..let us know...
A few months ago a group of people (men & women) were busted in the Seattle / Tacoma area for elder scams for similar scenarios. Many were from other countries so communication was difficult.
They knew how to gain confidence of the seniors & move into their lives. Skilled at pawning gifts & draining bank accounts.
You might try to look at the archives of Seattle Times newspaper.
How sad to be in the same apt. complex.
Your father's affections are long since down the drain, seems like, but it would be nice to have this babe taken out of circulation. google this headline "Young Vixen Scammed Old Men" and you'll find lots of juicy terms to describe that what gal is pulling. Oh, this is a good paragraph from this article.
And did you know that "Under the provisions of New York State’s Hate Crimes Act of 2000, enhanced charges can be filed when a defendant commits a larceny and selects his or her victim because of their age which is defined as being 60 years of age or older"? This is totally Law & Order: Elder Fraud Unit.
Please act on behalf of all elders who are scammed in this way. If I'd known some of these things when I began caring for my mother, I wouldn't have let me sisters scam my mother out of her credit card, loans they refused to pay back, forged check, etc. If I had even heard the term "financial elder abuse," these tragedies would not have happened. But "Mom said it was OK" line got them thousands and thousands. They should be in Jail, but I'm left holding the bag for all of Mom's care while they were let loose, scott free.
Let's not have that happen to this bombshell. REPORT NOW, and have the law deal with her. Your father can just get over it, and perhaps get the mental help he needs.
In my culture, we refer to these men as "viejos verdes." The older they get, the younger they want them. Even when they know these young vixens are taking them for a ride, men like your dad feel more virile and "powerful" in their company.
He might go from Dr. Jekyll to Mr. Hyde when he drinks but the bottom line is that they're both consenting adults and there isn't much you can do about it except get indignant and grossed out by the age difference. You you can't save people from themselves, especially those who can't see the forest for the trees. Sometimes they hit bottom and instead of picking themselves back up they start digging a hole to China in their relentless pursuit for immediate gratification, fulfillment, and happiness. You've tried to help him see the light (whatever light that is); it worked for a while, now it's happening all over again.
If she's in fact a gold-digging trickster, she'll be gone when he's down to his last $50. Just pray he doesn't put everything in her name. If he becomes so broke anyone who tries to mug him is just practicing and she still stands by him no matter what, then it's love or sheer stupidity.
You can't talk sense to a p___y-whipped 80 y/o man. His brain has fallen by the roadside somewhere. In the meantime, check up on him every once in a while to make sure he's still breathing. Definitely love him, but leave him alone. Try not to worry so much; he'll call when he finally wakes up. For now he doesn't need you, so take it as a blessing and find something else to do with your time.
-- ED
I cannot believe all the literally love and support I have gotten over my issue. Thank you to all. I live in FL and guess this stuff is quite common all over. After I very first posted my issue, I did not hear from anyone. Now, Reading all these comments now makes me feel more empowered and not the victim. He did call and left a message saying he wanted to talk to me, I thought it was for him forgetting my birthday the other day and me crying over the phone about I did not appreciate how he was treating me- he was with her that week. No, he called to ask me if I wanted to come to his engament party in our building. I may have to face it that he is a self-obsorbed horny , drunk old man that I can no longer help. He has whatever is coming to him. p.s. he is not THAT dimented, just being stupid I think. I will consider all your recommendations, but at the end of the day, must preserve my own health and sanity.
.
For both of you!
If this broad dumps him he will come crying back to you. Just like his past failed relationships.
It is not you fault!!!!
Meanwhile you are suffering from something you have no control of. The new fiance pulls his strings now.
You are but a memory - despite the sacrifices you made.
I'm with AlzCare - involve law enforcement.
Sounds like a scam. Especially living in Florida which is a target area like Arizona.
I hope your local police department has a unit that specializes in this type of fraud. If not, another nearby PD might have interest in it.
It won't hurt for you to contact them. They may be glad you did since this is an national epidemic.
She'll likely grab his finances & disappear.
I don't see a romance here.
Just a leech who has been trained in manipulation & probably has a crew to back her motives.
GMBYacht is the real victim here!
with sadness,
Rip
Getting the "law" involved in this situation seems to me to be a good idea - it might cut this little gold-digger off at the pass and maybe she will even end up in jail where she probably belongs. If your brother still has POA, he is the one that will have to deal with all the legal ramifications of what your father is doing now. I wonder if he realizes this? I am my mom's POA and I can tell you that if my mom was contemplating doing something like your father is now doing, I would be on top of it like a cat on a mouse. In fact, I have already taken steps with all my mom's banks that will prevent her being duped into withdrawing more than a specified amount without my agreement. But your brother, if he still has POA, may not be able to do this because you say your father isn't suffering that much from dementia - he is suffering from lack of common sense and is very stubborn (a very bad combination). As for what you will do (if the laws can't put a stop to this) when the gold-digger is gone and your dad is left alone again and much poorer, will be a horrid decision for you to have to make. But that's in the future and maybe you will never have to make such a decision. I agree with you: the serenity prayer offers good advice. Do what you can to protect your dad from his own stupidity by contacting the law and if that doesn't work (and I hope most sincerely that the law can stop the GD right in her tracks), become an observer. It doesn't appear to me that you can do anything more than that. Some people seem determined to self-destruct (I have a family member whom I fear leans in this direction). It must make you very angry that your father is being duped but don't let the little gold digger steal precious time away from YOUR life. Good luck with getting the law on your side. May the Force be with you.
Dad is has now purchased 1/2 of 2 of the gold diggers vacation properties. She is holding onto her own personal nearby home in her name. Dad is in now in the process of setting her up in a massage parlor business. He loves and trusts her so much, he refuses to do a background check. Even if I did, he would not care or believe it. My brother with POA is happy for him!? Dad says he is going to have a pre-nupt - probably to save face-let's wait to see if she SIGNS IT.. My brother is going to be in a horrible mess when Dad passes or divorces her and has to clean up all his stupid mistakes. The GD may be long gone by then. Dad is self-destructive and honestly, I am through with him. I have wasted too much of my own life worrying about him. As far as the law getting involved - there is nothing illegal about a man having a fiance - I don't think that route would help. I am not his caretaker, have POA and this is not my problem anymore. Thank you all again for your support. I will tell you how this bad soap opera ends - when it does.
How many of us are here screaming while this whole thing is getting out of control. Your brother should have stopped this ages ago. That woman should be in prison Now and has probably done this before. She is a smoothe operator obviously. She may not be 25 but 35 for all you know. doing this for a decade perhaps.
I have to admit I was in this quagmire. Sister brings over her violent pill bull that is charging at bike riders. Nieces bringing over stone boy friends. Calls from niece to bail her out of jail. Sisters throwing parties for themselves at my mother's house because their house is too messy. I was sort of dazed by this all, as sisters have as much "right" to their mother as I do.
But one day the alarm went off in my head and nothing was ever the same again. danger danger DANGER, you idiot (that would be ME). !!!! I took stock of my dangerous family and put on the brakes. There's a teen pedophile predator, a pathological liar, a few drunks and druggies, a sex addict porno writer (also gambler). Well, they are FAMILY. Check forgery, unrepaid loans, credit card abuse. Well, they are family, after all, what can I do.
It didn't actually work as planned, but "call the cops" is sort of what I did. Contacted a social worker at Mom's daycare, who had to report the financial abuse to the law, who then swooped in immediately and got conservatorship of Mom's affairs, with ME paying the price.
He is setting her up in with a massage parlour? Why can't she afford to do it herself?
This is beyond fishy
I smell the world's oldest profession here.
Please ~ contact the police vice squad with your concerns. This sounds beyond what adult protective services can handle.
GMB - GIVE ADULT PROTECTIVE SERVICES A CALL!!!!!!