I want my healthy, 90 yr. old mother to go to a doctor and stop and stop insisting I take her to the Emergency room when she has problems. I'm her POA. Should I refuse the next time? Or tell her to call an ambulance? Or... if it is in the daytime I could try taking her to an outpatient clinic. I'm sure she won't get out of the car.
They check you out better than the Primary doctor does! An ER is for auto accidents, bleeding, broken bones, strokes or heart attacks. Too many sick people in close quarters makes me nervous...
Urgent Care is less crowded, with better personal attention. In and out quick, with Rx or printed referral. Refuse to take her to ER, just drive her to Urgent Care instead. Much less expensive and quicker! Bring her photo ID and Medicare card,
What is it about the ER that she likes?
That afternoon turned into night waiting for her to either be admitted or released, and I live in a major city. I don't have to tell you the types that start to trickle in when the sun goes down. It was a scary, weird, sad scene.
The first visit was needed but the last two probably could have been a doctor visit. I think she had it in her mind it would be faster and an automatic hospital stay which, sometimes to be honest I think she enjoys.
I told her next time she should call 911 and THEN call me. Or somebody will if she can't. "If it's dire, don't waste time, just call" I told her. They know how to break windows. Fortunately there's been no catastrophe, and, for some reason she seems to be more in the mood to prevent the visits now in the first place. Seeking attention is part of my mom's problem right now, but spending time in a COVID filled, people-who-have-been-in-accidents, people with airsick bags (I'm being nice here) waiting room, isn't my idea of a good time just because, "I'm ok, but I just don't feel well." She's had a minor stroke, so believe me we know to be alert, but "I think I'm getting a cold," isn't ambulance-worthy. And I hope it never is.
She wants B.
If she is competent and cognitively intact, she can get herself to an ER. She doesn't need you.
If she DOES need you to get her somewhere, then you are in the driver's seat.
She can change her HCPOA to someone who will do her bidding if she likes.
That's the logical choice I would put to her.
I like your plan of taking her to a clinic next time. Good for you.
It's a shocking waste of resources to tie up triage & emergency staff for what could be delt with in a scheduled appointment.
I distinctly remember my mother saying to me early on a Saturday morning that she didn’t feel right. I took her to the ER and the decision was made by the hospitalist to take her off of BP meds. Her pressure was very low which is bad.
None of her doctors told us that Parkinson’s patients had lower BP. I was grateful to her hospitalist. The meds that she was prescribed before her Parkinson’s diagnosis were no longer needed and were actually causing mom harm.
Discuss with her primary care physician.
It really depends on the medical reason(s) / needs.
And, often MD medical provider appts are 2-5+ months out.
I would do what is needed based on medical recommendations, not on what your mother requests or insists upon.
If she won't get out of the car - there is your answer.
You do not mention dementia issues. This is important for us to know to more accurately respond.
You need to take control of this situation 'more' than it sounds like you are now. It is not only possibly a waste of your time and energy, it is possibly wasting time of often limited emergency room staff, and she is taking the space/place of a person who really needs to be there. If she 'won't get out of the car,' how do you determine that she actually would need medical care?
What happens when you do take her to the emergency room?
Do they tell you / her to follow up with your MD?
If they do, does she - or do you on her behalf.
I wonder if she 'wants to go' just to go for a ride or get a change of scenary?
Perhaps your mom (is ready for / ) should be in Hospice care - to eliminate these trips to the ER. They will handle her needs for comfort care only. She doesn't need to be diagnosed as terminal to be provided with Hospice care. Check into it.
Gena / Touch Matters
If a clinc is recommended, find the number for the local one & call & make the appointment.
Then offer to provide transport to the clinic.
If Mom insists on calling EMS again for the same issue, it's on her 100%. If she chooses to do this independantly - she is also responsible for the consequences. She calls. She gets transported (if she does). She does all the waiting around. Maybe she even makes her own way home independantly (taxi) if you have the nerves for that too.