Long story short. She then filed for divorce months later and stopped paying nursing home bill. We hired attorney on his behalf. Could no longer continue to pay out of pocket. Divorce was granted without him having representation. Once we received the ability to manage his funds, it was less then what was stated on financial declaration. We paid everything we could to nursing home and settle his debt, between his SS, Pension and long term care insurance, he is in arrears 2K a month.
We just received a letter from attorney on nursing home's behalf threatening to send him to collections. He has little to no money left. He is not eligible for Medicaid as look back period is 5 years and she had him sign quit claim deed for the condo in ND in 1/2016.
What is our responsibility to respond to this letter? We want to remove ourselves as POA. Difficult to find help as we live in WA state and need to find attorney in ND. Can't seem to find any that will help or even know where to begin with this mess. Any recommendations?
The bad news is ND is listed as one of the filial responsibility states. The good news is IN GENERAL these haven't been used, but the potential is there. Being POA or not will not change that. I would recommend keeping the POAs until some progress can be made, as you may need it to start discussion if you find an Elder Law atty.
Other sites were given. There is also naela.org - use zip code to find locals. I used Bismarck, ND and also selected range of 100 miles and 5 attys were listed. Also, at the bottom of that page is an email link. If calls or emails to the ones listed by this site are not returned, try that email link - it goes to the org itself and they may be able to find someone to help.
Hopefully the payments you made were from HIS account, signed as POA. If you paid with his funds, but your account, they may interpret that as you being the responsible party. If there is anyone at the NH in admin, or this atty who sent the letter that you can talk to, they may have suggestions. If they are threatening to send his info to collections, what exactly do they think that will do? He can't work with collections and has little/no money other than his income, which I presume they are getting already? One ray of hope is that collections uses skip tracing and starts on the former wife. They can make her life miserable!
Hopefully you can make contact with an EC atty licensed in ND. Not only will that be needed for him, but also to protect you. Although it should be his funds to pay for the atty, you may, at some point, have to pay for the legal services to ensure HE gets what he needs (Medicaid) and to protect YOU from having to pay for part of his care. Although it can't hurt to try to get a free consult with EC atty in your area, who might be able to answer your concerns about how this will affect you, they most likely are not licensed in ND, but perhaps they can link you up with someone who is.
Hopefully this can be resolved by making him a ward of the state - in that case, he would be under state guardianship. If so, that negates your POA. The only downside is that you would have no say in where he lives or what care he gets.
They may be more difficult to find, but hopefully you can find an EC atty who can work pro bono or on the cheap to get this resolved. No one needs this hanging over their head! One can also hope that perhaps this attorney could take her on and recoup some of the lost funds. Shady deal - how they can push this through the courts when someone is in NH, incapable of really understanding anything is beyond me, but it unfortunately happens.
https://acl.gov/programs/aging-and-disability-networks/aging-and-disability-resource-centers
Take care. I know these things are extremely difficult and heartbreaking.
https://acl.gov/programs/aging-and-disability-networks/aging-and-disability-resource-centers
Lschla, to rewind a bit: so, when the settlement paid to your father was less than the sum agreed, what happened about that? And are you sure Medicaid can't help? In any case, the lookback as far as the condo money is concerned ends in six months; so perhaps your priority seems to be to get the NH to stop being so short-sighted in their treatment of him. Have you spoken directly to any decision-makers at the NH? - that's what I'd do first.
Secondly, who is watching out over your father in law and making sure he s being properly cared for? Where is your husband? Does he have any siblings? This is his father.
What do you mean your husband wants to give up POA and you both just want to be done with it? Am I missing something here?
Your husband is going to abandon his father. If there's one thing I've learned in life is to watch how people treat other people. You can expect the same treatment from them eventually. Don't get real sick is all I can say for you with a husband who wants to give up POA for his father and let the state take care of him.
That poor man. I can only imagine his loneliness and hurt. At 93 he's in a nursing home and appears he is alone with no one to care. His wife robbed him and left and his son doesn't want to be bothered it seems. Being a parent is a thankless job. Really a shame this is happening to him.
Is there a nursing home close by you where he an be transferred to? He is elderly and needs help. He should be eligible for Medicaid. It's as easy as applying online for him.
He only gets about $2,000/per month. Medicaid will pay a portion and your father in law will pay the rest. He'll be allowed to keep $105/month which can be used for personal items. I'm sure he could use a haircut , shave, some slippers, shirts, pants, pajamas, etc.
There are ways around getting the assistance he needs. Does the nursing home accept Medicaid?
wwww.nelf.org is the best place to find a certified elder law attorney to represent your FIL.
2 - You need a ND lawyer that specializes in family law - one that specializes in elder law would be better.
3 - Talk to social services at nursing home - they all have one. Let them know FIL's situation and ask for their help.
4 - Find the elder care board for his state, city, county... whichever one you can find for help. If that doesn't work try AARP and local BBB.
It seems to me that your best bet is to work with the social worker at the facility on next steps. Explain the money/divorce situation and that you have no difficulty with giving up POA and allowing the State to become his guardian.
This is your first rodeo, but she will have seen this situation before and may be your best source of advice and referral.
As noted by others, do not use your funds in this endeavor and remember that some social workers use guilt to try to make relatives think they are personally responsible (you're not). If that is the case, the state ombudsman would be the next call you make to advocate for your loved one.
I'm so sorry you are mired in this awful situation.
https://www.nolo.com/lawyers/nursing-home-or-elder-abuse/north-dakota
Be well!
To answer some of the questions above:
The division of assets was not accurate, when we went to the bank, the funds were significantly less then what was produced to the judge during the divorce hearing.
He signed the quit claim deed while suffering from full blown alzheimer's. He had no clue what he was signing.
He is not eligible for medicaid as he sold the family home here in WA state, she took those funds and we cannot account for them, in addition to the quit claim deed above.
WA state attorneys will not even hear our case as they cannot practice or respond to any inquiry to a letter from an attorney in ND as their license will be compromised.
He has no remaining assets, everything was cashed in (IRA's etc etc) and we sent the money to the nursing home, paid his taxes (federal and state) and paid upfront for his cremation, $4100.00 in the state of ND, by the way.... :(
He has 3K left in a checking that we have kept to use for incidental, he has monthly pharmacy and physician bills coming in.
His ex-wife most definitely had this planned and executed her agenda quite well. It's a shame this can actually happen in todays day and age to and elderly man, with terminal alzheimer's, to be robbed and left to accumulate debt and then have his son's in another state left holding the bag.....
We just want to remove ourselves from the situation all together.
https://nelf.org/search/custom.asp?id=5427
Also, if you resign as PoA the NH or the county will pursue guardianship over him, and I'm not sure if that will then allow him to qualify for Medicaid. Not sure what happens when some is "abandoned" (and I know you are not really abandoning him). If this happens all assets and properties will then be controlled by the guardian and you won't be privy to any of their actions, nor will you be able to dictate where he is placed for care. You can certainly retain your relationship with him and communicate things to the guardian, you just won't be make any decisions on his behalf. They will inform you when he passes and the county will pay for his cremation. He will not be given a funeral or have a non-cremation burial. You can request his ashes and they will ship it to you. This is how it happened for our family in MN. I'm sorry for your family's distress. May you get resolution and receive peace in your hearts.
Also, inquire about the POA's duty. It's not really their legal duty to pay the debts with their personal funds, but, only those that of the person who's finances they are managing. An attorney who is well versed in Medicaid should be able to lay out the options.