I (with my attorney) will be petitioning the court within the next week or so for court appointed guardianship of my father.
And just to preface, I do not have POA, his funds are very limited, and he does not have health insurance.
I don’t know how long this will take or if they will even grant it. He has good days and has moments where he talks completely lucid and seems of sound mind.
But I am very concerned about his safety in the meantime. And the safety of others. I know a lot of people will say to let him deal with the consequences of his poor life decisions but this is very stressful for me.
He has been calling 911 every week and going to the ER in an ambulance. It’s always at night and I wake up to voicemails that he needs a ride home. Sometimes they call a cab for him when he chooses not to call me.
I was not believing him the first couple of times, but I have been able to access his health portal. 2 of the times he was tired of waiting and asked for a cab to be called. 1 of the times he OD on ibuprofen. They wanted to admit him and he refused and demanded a cab be called.
The past 2 nights he has gone. Last night he thought his neighbor put poison in his iced tea which made him dizzy and fall (he was standing on arrival of EMS). He also called the police from his hospital bed because he didn’t have any water. And prior to that he didn’t want to take a potassium pill because he thought that nurse was giving him a sleeping pill.
After all of that, they discharged him and sent him home via medical transport.
I was working with an eldercare consultant that had advised me to refuse to get him, tell them he shouldn’t be discharged, explain the situation so that we could go the route through the hospital to get him into LTC with Medicaid paying because he can’t afford it on his own.
Medicating is not an option because I am not able to administer on a daily basis. He is unable to manage taking medicines. The week before his ibuprofen OD, the Dr had prescribed him Propranolol as a safer drug than Xanax to calm him down in the evenings. She gave him 90 pills and only 3 were left after 4 days. He said he threw them out. Who knows.
I’ve been getting him groceries. He is dumping out his drinks because he thinks they are poisoned and I believe throwing away food as well. He’s removed door knobs from his apartment and tries to barricade his door.
I’ve called the crisis line, had police do welfare checks, they think he is not a harm to himself or anyone.
I guess I just wait this out? Wait for something catastrophic to happen? I think I am just looking for some support in what I’m going through as I don’t see any real solutions to this until he gets in LTC.
I would call APS to report him.
There is no magic wand that comes with guardianship. So let me ask you this. What do you imagine you can/will do when you are guardian?
Step by step tell me your plans. Because with an uncooperative senior, said plans will be next to impossible to do.
1. You would have to get him diagnosed
2. You would have to find out all about his assets and get yourself placed on anything as guardian at which point you would be responsible legally for every penny in and out of his accounts.
3 You would have to get him on Medicaid
4. You would have to get him placed in care
5. You would be called 20 times a day when he is kicked out of care for his actions or having problems in care
That is to say, once he is yours he is ALL YOURS. To be frank, I cannot imagine how you will survive it.
Why did not Dad have 40 qrts (10yrs) for Social Security? Did he work a government job? If so there is a pension. Did he own his own business so never paid in? Did he work under the table?
Just for information sake, if you are not already collecting SS when you turn 65, Medicare is not automatic, it needs to be applied for. I started collecting at 62 and my card was sent automatically with part A&B coverage. If you need to apply and don't at 65, there are penalties for not applying. Especially with Part B where u pay a premium, the premium will be much higher than if you apply after 65.
But I believe that he needed to have worked 5 out the previous 10 years before he applied. Correct me if I’m wrong. Which maybe he didn’t consistently work. He was notorious for changing jobs with maybe some lapses in between. I don’t know much about his work history in the past 30 years.
He is supposed to have a video conference with SS this week. I guess I will find out what the story is.
You are describing a man who worked for himself for years and who isn't on Social Security?
You are describing a man with no Medicare?
I think you are in no position to be able to comb though this thorough mess.
If your Dad is well enough to have a chat with SS, then he is well enough to care for himself. When he IS NOT well enough, refer him to APS and let THEM iron this out with State Fiduciary.
Your getting tangled in this mess is not going to help your father who is in no wise cooperative OR wise. And it will drive you insane. Leave this mess to the State. Stay out of it.
And, you are right, it is making me insane.
I was trying to help with SS before this turned as bad as it’s gotten. I had some hope that I could get that for him so he could get health coverage.
I can’t handle this but I want to make sure he is safe and not APS (I have called and reported him), the hospital, the county crisis center, the police, etc will do anything. They see a man that can walk and talk and think he’s doing fine and leave.
His mental state is getting worse by the day. He now doesn’t remember any conversations we have.
I am at a complete loss on what to do. He calls me dozens of times a day. Sometimes leaves me the same message multiple times within 5 minutes.
I block his number when he is having these calling episodes. He will then leave voicemails crying about things that don’t even exist. It’s very sad and worrisome.
I was able to gain guardianship by documenting all his questionable behavior, having the support of my mother and one sibling, and having a plan on how I was going to manage my parents resources to get then the care they deserved.
Being a guardian is challenging: keeping track of every penny, doing a annual report to the court, and being told "you are wasting my money" (and worse) for an MC placement. Still I wanted control of the choices made for my parents and accepted guardianship instead of losing all control to the state.
It took time (about 3 months) and I (and my mother) hung on until it was granted. I did get a restraining order that prevented any assets from being disposed of by my father or older brother without my mother's consent until the hearing.
If you want to go online looking for a phone that is installed to prevent this call Telecalm at 888 70l 0411. This service has special phones that stop spam calls, stop scam calls, stop multiple dialings of numbers over short period of time, allow family notification of 911 calls placed. They provide a caregiver app if you are tech savvy but they also will work without internet on a corded phone.