she is 62 and has some of the early signs of alz. i've tryed to tell her to call the dr. but she says i'm not doing it. i dont want to. i want to improve her quality of life. i know what it looks like, i've seen it in my mother. both her her parents had alz. i know she afraid of the answer. i've been watching the decline for awhile now. now other people see it too. she quit her job of 45 years because she kept making mistakes. when she gets out of her comfort zone, she gets the shakes & a upset stomach. i take her places here in town she gets lost just riding. she has trouble seeing things that are in front of her. even signing her name, her hand writing is a mess. her eyes have been checked they are ok. does alz. affect your eyesight too.i invited her to go places with me...she declines. dont seem to want to get out of the house. i guess the question i have is how do i convince her to take a trip to the dr. i'll drive!
If family aren't willing to visit and convince her to get assessed; then if you are afraid for her safety you could do a couple things:
1. Continue to talk to her and tell her that you will be there for her and try to convince her AGAIN to consult a doctor if only for a baseline.
2. Does she go in for an annual checkup -- could you send a confidential letter to her family physician outlining your observations and concerns and enlisting their help in "reminding her of her annual physical" or "need to see her before they refill any prescriptions" -- something along those lines?
You are in a difficult postion. Have you been in her home lately? Can you tell if she is managing day to day activities (eating, hygiene, keeping house clean, not having spoiled food in the refrig, etc?) -- if you think she is in danger -- you could consider calling in APS -- but that is so hard to do (believe me, I know as that is my last resort and I don't have the guts to do so with my mother who lives alone and manages but just barely).
Isolation and withdrawel from activities is a bad sign and in my experience, just makes the dementia, paranoia, and/or ALZ worse. I hope you can continue to be her friend and stop in often to check on her even when she hangs up on you, refuses your visits, etc. Continue to visit, bring in some carry-out and share a meal together so she can still feel "normal" for as long as possible. Continue to go out for short drives and visit familiar places, restaurants and shopping for as long as you can and use all the patience you have to overlook her "mistakes, errors, forgetfulness". It does no good to continue to harp on these or try to correct her and will just make her more fearful and withdrawn with what is happening to her (likely she knows and is very scared).
Reinforce that everyone progresses differently and that these instances might not even be ALZ or dementia but something else and that "you should just get a physical workup to count all this stuff out" and "maybe doctor can give you some newer meds that will keep you sharp"....
Don't give up on her.
Its hard enough when its family but a friend thats tough. Also even when my mum has been diagnosed shes still in denial so we dont even go there with her.
My mum stopped shopping,going out,just wanted to sit in front of tv all day which isnt like her. She even stopped talking to family on the phone. Sounds like your friend is in complete denial and very scared god love her and shes so young to have this. Sunflow said it all really the only thing I could do for my mum was tell her no matter what happened to her I would be here for her and she would never be on her own. I know this reasured her in some way!
Keep talking to her and tell her that you will not let her go through this alone she may get angry and deny anything is wrong but she will think about what you said.
Poor you it is so hard to be in this position I was there for 2 yrs and family fighting with me calling me nuts etc... Maybe try and get a nurse in just to talk to her?
Its hard but normal behaviour im afraid if you think she is not safe alone then you will need to get help.
Good luck and good for you for caring enough to get her help we can only do our best!
You are a wonderful friend! If you can't convince her to see her doctor don't be hard on yourself. This is a huge challenge, even for close family members. Sometimes it is a matter of waiting for a crisis (often a fall) and going to the ER. I hope you can head that off, but it is not your fault if you can't.