I was adopted at age 5 by a family that could take care of me. My birth mother had schizophrenia and died when I was 4. The state explored placement with my grandma (now 75) but after a history check and mental evaluation found she also had the same issues and the judge allowed me to be adopted and severed all legal ties to her (thankfully). She found me at age 18 and has been a stress on me off and on since (for instance the first thing she said when we talked on the phone was wanting to sue my adoptive family If anything happened to me and get the life Ins $ they had ). She wanted to “rent“ a house I had and paid little to no rent until I sold it. Then she asked if she could stay at my house to avoid going back to the motel to live (she gets $1200 a month in SS and has no debt, but claims she can’t afford a senior apartment or groceries ). She came here and I explained she would need to sleep on the sofa or an air mattress as we had no room and my kids needed their bed/ room. She made a beeline to their room and took over and said “this is my room and bed now “. She took their tv and obsessively watched political news and cursed at the tv. Whenever I would take the kids to my room to get away from her excessive talking and question asking she would stand outside my door or bathroom listening in and wanting to ask questions. (she would shake her finger at me if I was on the phone and say “sooo, and then Her question) , and start responding to things I said to the caller as if I was speaking to her, and could not stop barging into my room and sitting down . I asked her not to use my other bedroom door as a cut through and she continued violating that boundary and got angry and said “now you made me walk around the house to use the bathroom that’s rude “(she had her own bathroom but for whatever reason only wanted to use mine. She would get upset if I left the house and talked nasty about my in laws if I visited them saying I was “obsessed with them”. She expected meals and free room and board and I repeatedly asked her to go to a senior apartment and she kept saying she wanted to stay here because she had no money. I called aps to help and they refused . She tells me it’s “my fault she lives in a motel “(she gave up her apartment after they went up $50 on the rent ) and asked me to buy her a condo to live in. She would sneak into my house and take things and leave . Her mother and grandmother both died of Alzheimer’s in their 80s, could this be a symptom of dementia ? Or could it be the schizophrenia she doesn’t acknowledge? I had to block her after she began cursing at me and making threats towards my in laws whom she’s never met because she didn’t want me speaking to them. Part of me feels bad but I cannot seem to get through to her that a senior place is the best and I am full at my house (she also demanded my husband leave because she doesn’t like men and didn’t want him here ). How can I help someone like this ? I’m really surprised the motel hasn’t called on her
Nothing she says (NOTHING) that she says or does or expects or wants or demands or curses or in any way attempts to impact on your life is your “job”.
You can’t “help someone like this”. Your desire to try is understandable, but also misplaced,
Your job is yourself, your husband, your children, your in law as, people who have the capacity to RECIPROCATE the feelings you have for them.
Do you have access to a competent cognitive behavioral therapist? You are dealing with issues that may benefit from being carefully untangled. Finding a compassionate, objective therapist may be useful for approaching the “untangling” goals.
You will find encouragement and support here for finding ways to help yourself to get free. Please act on your own behalf.
You have NO moral or legal obligation to this crazy woman to take her in or support in anyway. She will destroy you and your family.
Change the lock to your house. If she trepasses and makes threats, call the police. Do not let her come into your house. When police shows up, tell them her mental condition and her threats. Tell them "you fear for your life and your children's lives."
Hopefully, the police will take her to a hospital for a mental evaluation, and they can find an appropriate place for her to live. That's how you can help her.
Best of luck
Change all the locks on your house, block her number, don't answer the door if she comes over and cut your losses while you can. You owe her nothing!
And MOST importantly find yourself a good therapist as you my dear sound like you have some mental health issues yourself.
Seems like from the very beginning she was more interested in $$ and what you could provide for her than being a grandmother. If it were me, I would not let her back in my home under any circumstances. I agree with changing ALL locks.