Mom, 79, will often get angry and start cursing and insulting me, which I've read about a thousand times. People with dementia do that, I get it.
QTIP: Quit taking it personally. I can do that.
What I CAN'T find are any accounts of a patient mocking their caregiver in a childlike voice, sucking her fingers, rolling her eyes, saying "Hi I'm Carrie and I can't wait to put my mama away so I can take all her money and wun away wiff Paul so we can (vulgar act here) just like I do with all the boys!!
<More finger sucking and hair twirling and eye rolling.>
"Paul" is a complex delusion and a hallucination that has been in her head for 5 years.
Then if I react, she giggles and keeps talking like Shirley Temple... "Awww...did the pretty wittle fat baby get her feewings hurt? Whatamatta wiff da baby girl??"
I leave the room. Sometimes she follows. If I pretend to be asleep she'll drift away.
It is SO CREEPY. It really is the stuff of nightmares.
I'll be so relieved when she's in memory care. We have 5 days until the move.
75mg Quetiapine does nothing except lessen the hallucinations slightly.
Take a break from your mom. Plan a vacation and sit under a palm tree with a tall drink! I am not joking. Your mind needs a rest from all of this. Hire someone to check in on mom if you must.
The weather has been amazing as usual.
Hearing what others have gone through makes me feel almost lucky my Mom died in 2000.
I wish all of you PEACE.
I have cared for all kinds. Elderly with dementia and younger people with mental illness.
I can tell you for a fact that the "baby talk" from my demented clients was never a problem. When someone is ignored long enough, they stop. Or when they get hungry. Or when they want something.
I have also never had a problem stopping my mental care clients when they'd start up with the manicial laughter and the acting up.
I always found the threat of calling 911 and having either brought to the hospital works to get them under control. When it doesn't, that's when you actually call 911.
Here's how I've always handled that.
I'd look the person square in the face and tell them plainly in a firm manner without anger something along the lines of:
"You're (say their age and name). You're acting like a damn fool because you aren't a baby/toddler".
Sometimes I'd simply repeat exactly what they said back to them with the same baby-talk and mimicking. Then ignore them. This works and they stop. Most of the people I've worked for who did this didn't do it with me again after I reveresed it on them. They would for others, but not with me.
You know, nine times out of ten both of these approaches work. The tenth time when it doesn't, I would just completely ignore the person like they weren't even there until the child behavior and baby-talk stopped.
You say if you pretend to be asleep, she drifts away. Think about that. If she doesn't get attention from you when she's doing this, she goes away. So don't give her a moment of attention when she's doing it. Walk away and totally ignore her. If she follows you, let her but pretend she's not even there.
I find after 25 years of being an homecare caregiver that the clients with dementia who can do the baby-talk and mimicking still possess enough of their brain function to stop doing when the behavior does not get a reaction they want. If the caregiver doesn't behave like they're hurt, and the behavior results in them being ignored and getting no attention, they stop.
Believe me, your mother will not get attention from the staff in memory care from this behavior. They see this every day, all day so they will do for her as they normally would.
You're making the best decision putting her in memory care. You really are. Enjoy your trip. The redwoods are awesome.
I think when they move into memory care the suggestion is that you do not visit for some weeks. Talk about a deserved vacation, woman.
Do update us when mom goes to her new home.
And do expect them to come to suggest a trip to the MD for some good sedation!
On the other hand, Mom may provide some quality entertainment there.
Let us know when Mom goes into care.
Today is Sunday so...4 more days? Please take that vacation as soon as you can. Mom should have time to adjust without you being there anyway.
Please get some good rest soon and take care of yourself.
Job well done.