My dad has dementia and my mom is his caretaker. She is constantly telling us kids " it's not that bad yet". We know she is trying to protect his dignity. He recognizes us, but doesn't necessarily remember our names. They live at home;Mom is 80 and dad is 85. He functions around the house pretty well, but really can't be left alone for more than a couple hours. We think Mom is in denial about Dad's condition, and still tries to interact with him the same way she has done for the past 50 years. We are worried for her health as well. If she were to fall, for example, we are pretty sure Dad would not be able to call 911.
Any advice on how to deal with our mom to allow us to get Catholic Charities or other agencies involved. She does not want to let anyone into their home for any evaluations. One of us kids checks in weekly, and someone talks daily, but they need more.
If someone calls and gets no answer, no call back, you ask the 911 service to "check the welfare" of your parents.
Take mom out to lunch once a week with one sibling taking her out and the other staying with dad.
Re Catholic Charities, a sibling should talk to them outside the presence of parents and identify the most helpful thing they might do for them . . . Sit for dad twice a month? Light housekeeping every few weeks? Whatever. And then go to mom and insist that they avail themselves of this one service. "Please, mom! Do it for us!!" That one thing may get her used to outside help and become a stepping stone for other things.
Lastly, investigate assisted (even independent) living. Get the facts for the future...which could be tomorrow.
I wish your family well. This is sooo difficult for mom...and, I'm sure, the same for you.