Someone please give me some answers. Nine months ago my spouse had a bad UTI and was hospitalized. Since then he will not stop wetting the bed (and himself) no matter where he is, and no one can find a medical reason for it. He says he does not feel it. He does catherize once a day because he says he cannot urinate without it, yet he is always wet. He is 71 years old and I am 73. This is taking a terrible toll on me. It is almost like he does it when he is trying to get some kind of control or get back at me for something. He wears pads and has a plastic sheet on this bed, but God the odors are terrible no matter how much I clean and scrub and he sees nothing wrong with it. We were in a checkout and he was all wet in the front and reached down his pants to move the pad. It was horrible. Yet he will scream at me and tell me I am a dirty b**ch If I call him on it. Please help me someone. I am thinking he needs a nursing home. It is too much for one person and his family will not talk to me or him. I have no family to speak of. He did have a bad brain injury years ago and I am thinking it could be related. Yet when he wants something he becomes his old self.
I think you are in denial about him if you think that he is doing all these things on purpose, because to me, everything you describe are clear symptoms of dementia. Your husbands brain is broken and he can't help what he's doing now and he needs your help and understanding.
He clearly needs to see a neurologist to verify his dementia, and his urologist should have at least prescribed one of the many active bladder medications and offered to put Botox in his bladder as that can help with incontinence as well.
They can also put a supra pubic(permanent catheter)in your husband and then you will only have to empty his bag twice a day. My late husband who had vascular dementia had one after all medications and Botox didn't work for him, and it was a Godsend for both of for sure.
Sounds like you need to find a new urologist as the 2 you've taken him to, don't sound like they really want to help.
And if all this is just too much for you to deal with, then it's time to look into placing him in the appropriate facility.
If he is not wearing depends he needs to. He could be having Prostate problems. He needs a Urologist now. If he has a UTI you need to demand a culture to determine what bacteria is involved so he gets the right antibiotic.
A nurse on this forum recommends D-Mannose for prevention of UTIs. I have read it may clear them up. Cranberry tablets help too.
Second - I suggest you let him clean up his own messes - stripping the bed, doing the laundry and whatever else is necessary (please don't tell me you share that bed 🤯)
Third - TBI or incipient dementia aside I wouldn't be spending a lot of time with anyone who treats me that way and I certainly wouldn't go out in public with him. But that's a whole different topic.
You say he had a 'bad brain injury years ago' and you're thinking it could be related. I'm thinking you could be right and that your husband needs a FULL MEDICAL workup including a cognitive evaluation for dementia. And you need to realize that he's suffering from medical issues here and not trying to get under your skin on purpose!
Some people are very quick to use the word 'abuse' around here when a spouse is unable to PREVENT themselves from having incontinence issues. Who in their right mind would PURPOSELY CHOOSE to do such a thing? Ask yourself that question and then use common sense to get the man properly evaluated, starting with a Urologist and moving down the line to a Neurologist who can assess his brain injury from long ago and see if he's now developed dementia or Alzheimer's as a result. Dementia & AD often bring incontinence along with it.
A Urologist can also help him properly catheterize himself or determine IF such a thing is warranted, and/or if another type of catheter is a better idea for him. In the meantime, stop fussing at him about this issue and seek medical help instead. Imagine if YOU were in HIS shoes and he was calling you out on the 'terrible odors' and all the rest of it when you couldn't feel the urge to urinate? How would that make you feel, when you'd expect empathy from the man you're married to? Put the shoe on the other foot and then treat him accordingly.
While you feel that he may 'need a nursing home', you can't force him to move into one without his consent unless he's been deemed incompetent by at least one medical doctor. So it's in both of your best interest to see a competent medical professional or two to get this matter addressed properly.
Good luck.
The Urologist can check the situation and recommend what type of undergarment he should be wearing, such as Depends for Men.
Why would he intentionally wet himself, how would that benefit him?
She could be calling him names as well, when he does this, and he's just calling her names back.
Being in wet clothes can (and usually is uncomfortable) adding that to having an accident in public where it can be easily seen and either mocked or laughed at by others (people can be mean), then on top of that the wife getting upset about it. Wouldn't you be embarrassed if any of this happened to you?