My aunt is 73, we just saw her this past weekend, she came for a visit; my family and I believe she is living in a very unhealthy and dangerous home; we don't know the full extent because she doesn't invite us over however she has lost 30 lbs. in the last 6 weeks and we do not believe she is eating right or bathing and does not have proper running water or a working washer and dryer so her clothes always have a terrible odor. About a year and a half ago she got hit by a truck and had severe head damage but she survive although the accident has made her mentally unstable. She will not listen to any of our advice, we asked her to go to the doctor and to get some of the stuff fixed in her house but she just doesn't do anything. We are afraid that she is going to hurt herself or someone else will take advantage and hurt her. She will not accept any help so we are thinking that we have to get an outsider involved; do we contact the state? How do I go about doing that? She lives in a different area than my family, my mother lives the closest to her, and she’s an hour away so it’s been difficult for us.
Does anyone that you know of how Power of Attorney for her?
If not, do you or someone in your family want to be the person appointed to make decisions for her, such as a Guardian? If so, then I would consult with an attorney in her jurisdiction about what type of evidence is required in court, the process, legal fees, do you get reimbursed for legal fees, challenges, time commitment, responsibilities, etc. You can also ask the court to appoint a professional to be her Guardian.
If you don't want to get that involved, you might report her to adult protective services so they can do an investigation. That might work and they might step in and file to be guardian, if no family is interested. However, if they show up and she has a good day, tells them things that they have no way of knowing are false, convinces them she's okay, they might not realize the dire nature of the situation and you might not get the result you were expecting. Unless, there is someone close to give them the background and the details of her deterioration, they may not see what has happened to her.
Can you contact her doctor and provide the doctor with information? He may not be able to talk to you, but you could send him info. Maybe, he could contact the county about it. Still....you have no say so in how that pans out.
Is is possible to just go visit her and check out the home? That might reveal a lot. She could have also lost utilities, homeowner insurance, etc. due to failure to pay, if she's lost track of taking care of her bills.
Is she still driving? Is she properly insured?
Adult Protective Services in NC was absolutely her lifesaver. They befriended her and convinced her to go to the doctor with them by promising to take her for ice cream afterwards. This took 3 or 4 drop ins by the house when they saw her sitting on the porch. They are incredibly big hearted people. They did not know where I lived, but mthr was able to remember my husband's uncommon name, his line of work, and the big city we are near. They tracked me down, and worked with us as an interested party supporting us getting guardianship.
Call APS. The fire chief never helps with hoarding.
Middlesex
Middlesex County Board of Social Services
P.O. Box 509
New Brunswick, NJ 08903
Phone: 732-745-3635
After Hrs: 911 or local police
Hoarding gets even worse when you can't remember that you already have half a dozen of whatever is on sale for a bargain price that you "know" you will use...
Was she a "normal" person before the head injury?
Time to take action. You have received excellent suggestions so don't sit around guessing.
Does the interact at all with your mother?
Contact the authorities ASAP.
As for the utilities such as the water, is it possible that maybe something in her place needs fixed such as a leak, but she didn't have the money to fix it? If the home was not in need of repairs, is it possible she just didn't have the money for the utilities? Is it possible that it's a combo of both? If she has no running water, maybe the water bill skyrocketed due to a leak she couldn't afford to fix, and she also may not of been able to afford the water bill either? This is just worth a thought. This makes you wonder how she's surviving without water and never leaving home because this is just not possible without some water source coming in from somewhere. You just can't live long without water, you need a certain amount to drink just to survive, so having no water source and not leaving home is just not possible, she would've been dead by now unless she's collecting rainwater and she may have a rain barrel somewhere on the property. Otherwise, she wouldn't otherwise survive because the human body needs water, it's a dire survival need. She has a water source coming in from somewhere if this is been going on for a while. Even if your running water is cut off, there is still rainwater you can collect in a barrel or even bottled water, but her water source is coming from somewhere or she wouldn't even be alive right now. If no one is bringing her bottle water and she's not ordering it from anywhere, she's definitely going out and getting it somewhere if she's not collecting rainwater, so she would have to leave home to go get it if no one is bringing it to her and she's not ordering it. You can definitely bet on that, because you just don't live but a few days without water going into your body.
I would definitely get the APS and the health department as well as the fire chief involved because the fire chief will definitely flip his lid if he sees for himself that she's hoarding stuff and living in a fire hazardous condition. If she happens to be stubborn enough to not answer the door to no one despite these resources, I'm not exactly sure how they would handle it in these particular types of cases. It may turn out that someone needs a court order to force entry into her home if all else fails. Another thing you may want to be prepared for in rare cases is if the person happens to take a few things and vanish if people start showing up at her doorstep and she doesn't want anyone there. I know this wouldn't be true in all cases but there may be a few rare cases out there where this can happen. Sometimes people move to specific areas for the peace and quiet, especially if it's a wide open space with hardly any neighbors or maybe even no neighbors. Something people move to areas expecting not to be bothered, but if someone starts bothering them especially if it's a bit too much, they may pick up and move. My foster dad even threatened to move multiple times when he became aggravated at different times. Sometimes people with dementia tend to act differently and they may even invite you over and forget that they even invited you and throw a fit when you show up. Though he never did act on the threat, he was eventually placed into a nursing home. However, this may not be the outcome in every case. Some people will just pick up and move if they feel they're being bothered too much and don't want to be bothered.
The fire chief woul
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