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Reply to Geaton777
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I think that, if you are caring for your Dad in your home, it may be coming close to the time to have him placed in Nursing Home or memory care for his own safety. So sorry you are facing this.
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Reply to AlvaDeer
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Isthisrealyreal Jan 15, 2024
It's her husband.
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More than likely the answer here would be to have your husband placed in a memory care facility, where they will have folks that know how to get dementia patients to bathe and where they keep the doors locked so he won't be able to get outside for any reason.
This time of year you don't want him going outside and getting lost and even worse freezing to death do you?
So please do what you must to keep him safe.
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Reply to funkygrandma59
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Seek to understand why he chooses to go outside to urinate. If you know that directly asking "why" could lead him to be defensive, let him know you are curious about his "routines" and want to learn more about him. He might enjoy sharing about his decision making process and you might gain a new insight to helping him, and yourself. Good luck. Peace.
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Reply to BillyT2020
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I’d separate the two things – urinating and bathing. DH probably goes outside to urinate because it’s slower these days (prostate issues are common) and his aim isn’t too good. My DH is much the same. If you want it to be ‘neat’ get a pot plant and hose it down occasionally. My DH also likes the view outside.

Actually taking a bath in a tub is quite difficult and even dangerous. There is heaps of stuff on the site about showers, grab rails, bathroom mods, hand-held shower extensions that fit to bath taps, etc etc. It seems like the biggest problem is upstairs bathrooms that don’t have a floor drain (which is compulsory where I am). I’d suggest that before you get him into residential care, you search the site. Two ways:
a) click on Care Topics at the top right of the screen, then B for bathing. 14 professional articles, 10 discussions and 514 old questions.
b) click on the magnifying glass at the top right of the screen, and find drillions of posts which mention it.
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Reply to MargaretMcKen
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Bellajo: For the not bathing, hire a male aide to come in to bathe your DH (Dear Husband). For the urinating outside, seek the help of a urologist.
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Reply to Llamalover47
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I'm sorry, but I actually laughed a little when I read your question.
No disrespect intended.
It's hard. I know.
So, where is it he wants to urinate outside? Is that ok? If you are secluded, and no one else cares, I wouldn't worry too much about it. It's probably a passing phase.
If his habits are causing a problem, then it is time to find a memory care facility for him.

I've said this before, regarding bathing, you may have to compromise on your idea of cleanliness. Accept that this is the best you can do, and it is good enough. You may be able to successfully give a sponge bath.
Ask why he doesn't like bathing. He may dislike the water, or the whole routine may feel like too much. And ask why he is urinating outside.
Maybe it's easier for him. Try to find a workable solution that takes his concerns into consideration.
Our loved ones not acting "like themselves" is one of the hardest things we face.
If their mental capability is compromised, they can't help it.
You have to do what you can to try and understand, and help them feel comfortable.
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Reply to CaringWifeAZ
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I have no difficulty with DH showering, but he does prefer to urinate OS. I think it’s because his prostate makes him a bit slow and he prefers not to stand over the toilet. We have plenty of space, 100 yards from the road, so it doesn’t both me at all.
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Reply to MargaretMcKen
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